Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

December 5, 2012

Age: I hate myself for not being younger

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:57 am

On the prowl on November 30, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

When I was in my teens, twenties, and thirties, I always dated men quite a bit older than myself (10-20 yrs). Now that I am “older,” I am not attracted to men my age or older. I am attracted to men mostly in their 30’s (sometimes younger). The problem is, even though I feel like their equal agewise, I realize that through their eyes I am probably “old.” If I care about them a lot, I will end up spending money on them (because I enjoy it, and men spent money on me when I was the young one), but what is happening is I am being used. I kind of know it all along, but I enjoy them and care about them and I think I try to believe they are not really using me…although they are. This really hurts me. I am starting to hate myself for not being younger. It is so frustrating when you feel a certain age inside but you’re actually 20 years older than that and no one really understands. I get a lot of flack from my grown children. (They are only a few years younger than the men I seem to choose, and they are horrified at my behavior.) So here I am again, being used and I have to face it and move on, my children are again outraged and embarrassed by me, and for the life of me I cannot feel turned on thinking of a man my age, much less older than I. It’s like I never changed inside since my late twenties. I still feel the same way. I do look good for the age I am, thank God. In fact I probably look 8 or 9 years younger than I am. (The problem is, the men I choose are more like 20 years younger than I am.) Do you think this will pass, or, if it doesn’t, that there are some men who will not use me and will actually feel about me like I do about them? I doubt it, but I thought I’d ask. Also, do you think my kids are justified in coming down so hard on me? They are both married and have families of their own. I put up with their rebelliousness when they were teens, but now it seems they want to parent me. ( They are really stricter on me than I ever was on them.) Is there something wrong with me? Or should I just go get some plastic surgery and a fake ID and move away so no one knows what I’m doing? I’m not ready for the rocking chair yet. Thanks for listening.

— Mad

Dear Mad,

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: the knife is not the answer.

Nor, in your case, is the rocking chair.

The operative metonymy here, I think, is: the fountain of youth. The key here is not strictly that you’re drawn to younger men (I love that Leo, and the RA on Felicity, and I’m not ashamed!), but rather that you “cannot feel turned on thinking of a man [your] age, much less older.” Why? ‘Cause they’re … old? …Like you? Do you see your reflection in them? I know you say you “look good for your age,” but/so again, I ask you: when you date these guys, do you see your “real” age looking back? And when you, in your dotage, dote on younger men, does it make you feel like Girlfriend’s still got it?

Or does it? You say you’re “attracted” to these younguns — which is, mathematically speaking, not necessarily a problem — but, well, it doesn’t sound like you’re having that much fun with them. Sounds to me like you’re picking up Pool Boy, paying for him, and then saying, “See, he’s using me!” Hmm. First of all, just because a nice boy says, “Sure, wow, I’d love to accept your kind and generous invitation to The Fancy Place!” doesn’t mean he’s using you. You might miss someone sweet if you leap to this conclusion. Second, just because he’s young doesn’t mean he can’t afford stuff. These people are younger than you, Mad, but they are not children. 30s, or even 20s, is plenty old enough for someone to say, “Hey babe, Chuck E. Cheese is on me.”

So there is some sort of weird benzene in this fountain (Yes, I’ve been reading A Civil Action. Recommended.). If you’d written to tell me that you’re dating a man 20 years your junior and you’d never been happier, more loved, more fulfilled, more balanced, more yourself, I’d say, “And your problem is …???” But again: your pursuits are not making you happy. More to the point, they are hardly making you feel youthful. In fact, I think they make you feel “horrified and embarrassed.” I know you said your kids say that, but — and I may be overstepping my non-psychologist bounds here — I suspect that that was code for how you feel. My guess is that your kids just want their mom to be happy. And for some reason, mom doesn’t want to. So here’s my sip from the fountain for you: I don’t care how old your dates are. Neither should you. Care about this: does he love and respect you as an equal, no matter how much dinner cost? Did he pay the next time? Do you have fun together? Do you toss a million outfits on your floor before your date, and then wind up going back to the first one? Do you feel like passing notes about him in class? Do you get all tingly and giggly — dare I say girlish — when he calls?

And then do you feel young?


Breakup Girl


  1. This website truly has all the info I needed concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

    Comment by http://www.lanesports-gaming.de — May 24, 2017 @ 5:50 pm

  2. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish.
    nonetheless, you command get got an nervousness over that you wish
    be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly
    a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

    Comment by cheapest broadband deals — May 25, 2017 @ 6:17 am

  3. Why visitors still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe everything is
    accessible on net?

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — May 25, 2017 @ 10:09 am

  4. Fastidious answer back in return of this query with real arguments and telling the whole thing regarding

    Comment by business security — May 26, 2017 @ 7:31 pm

  5. Hi it’s me, I am also visiting this site on a
    regular basis, this site is in fact fastidious and the
    users are actually sharing pleasant thoughts.

    Comment by chase credit card — May 27, 2017 @ 5:41 am

  6. Your style is unique compared to other folks I’ve read stuff
    from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark this page.

    Comment by smarter-0.7ba.info — May 27, 2017 @ 6:00 am

  7. Thanks for the good writeup. It in truth was once a amusement account
    it. Look complex to far introduced agreeable from you!
    However, how can we be in contact?

    Comment by online bond — May 28, 2017 @ 12:31 am

  8. I am actually thankful to the owner of this web page who has shared this great paragraph
    at here.

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 29, 2017 @ 2:49 am

  9. Incredible points. Solid arguments. Keep up the good effort.

    Comment by nativeenglishclasses.com — May 31, 2017 @ 6:29 pm

  10. Hello my family member! I want to say that this post is amazing, great
    written and include approximately all vital infos.
    I would like to look more posts like this .

    Comment by cool business wears — June 2, 2017 @ 12:41 am

  11. Fascinating blog! Is your theme custom made
    or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few
    simple adjustements would really make my blog shine. Please
    let me know where you got your design. Thanks

    Comment by http://www.parrocchiasanpioxcagliari.it/ — June 2, 2017 @ 12:52 am

  12. Someone necessarily assist to make seriously articles I might state.
    This is the very first time I frequented your web page and to this point?
    I surprised with the analysis you made to make this actual post incredible.
    Magnificent activity!

    Comment by cheap broadband — June 2, 2017 @ 1:58 am

  13. Wow, this post is nice, my younger sister is analyzing these
    kinds of things, so I am going to inform her.

    Comment by harris tweed suit — June 2, 2017 @ 10:53 am

  14. I think that is one of the so much important info for me.
    And i am satisfied studying your article. However want to statement on few common things, The web site taste is perfect, the articles is in reality great : D.
    Good activity, cheers

    Comment by Gertrude — June 2, 2017 @ 6:14 pm

  15. Helpful information. Fortunate me I found your web site by chance, and I’m stunned why this accident
    did not came about in advance! I bookmarked it.

    Comment by Star — June 3, 2017 @ 12:01 pm

  16. This is the right web site for everyone who wishes to find out about this topic.
    You know so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally
    will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a topic that has
    been discussed for many years. Great stuff, just excellent!

    Comment by windows car pc — June 3, 2017 @ 12:10 pm

  17. Heya! I know this is somewhat off-topic however I had to ask.
    Does managing a well-established blog such as yours require a large amount of
    work? I am brand new to operating a blog however I do write in my
    diary daily. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my personal experience
    and views online. Please let me know if you have any recommendations or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners.

    Comment by down shirt — June 4, 2017 @ 7:10 am

  18. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog
    and was wondering what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming
    having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% sure.

    Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Appreciate it

    Comment by budget car rental — June 4, 2017 @ 12:08 pm

  19. I’m amazed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across
    a blog that’s both equally educative and amusing, and let
    me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something which
    too few people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy I
    stumbled across this in my hunt for something concerning

    Comment by car hire greenford — June 5, 2017 @ 5:07 am

  20. of course like your web site but you have to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts.
    Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to tell the truth
    on the other hand I will certainly come again again.

    Comment by phpexpertsolution.com — June 5, 2017 @ 2:25 pm

  21. Hello, i think that i saw you visited my web site so i came
    to “return the favor”.I’m attempting to find
    things to improve my site!I suppose its ok to
    use a few of your ideas!!

    Comment by — June 7, 2017 @ 12:39 pm

  22. Hello, I check your blogs on a regular basis.
    Your humoristic style is witty, keep doing what you’re doing!

    Comment by Latesha — June 12, 2017 @ 11:34 pm

  23. Da khô phải làm gi cho đẹp? Là vấn đề mà nhiều khách
    hàng thắc mắc, với biện pháp cải thiện da khô an toàn mà chúng tôi
    thông tin sau đây, mong là sẽ giúp bạn sở hữu một làn da mềm mịn trắng sáng.

    Here is my website: cách làm trắng răng

    Comment by cách làm trắng răng — June 16, 2017 @ 2:47 am

  24. Your mode of telling all in this post is actually good, every one
    can without difficulty be aware of it, Thanks a lot.

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 16, 2017 @ 2:39 pm

  25. Hello, just wanted to say, I enjoyed this article.
    It was helpful. Keep on posting!

    Comment by airsoft hangun — June 17, 2017 @ 12:40 am

  26. Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful article.
    Many thanks for providing these details.

    Comment by car hire — June 17, 2017 @ 2:51 pm

  27. I like the helpful information you provide in your articles.
    I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently.
    I am quite sure I will learn a lot of new stuff right here!
    Good luck for the next!

    Comment by benlambpoker.com — June 17, 2017 @ 3:11 pm

  28. You really make it seem really easy with your presentation but I in finding this topic
    to be actually something that I feel I might by no means
    understand. It seems too complicated and very vast for
    me. I’m looking ahead for your next publish, I’ll try to get
    the grasp of it!

    Comment by makeup degree — June 17, 2017 @ 6:36 pm

  29. Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice whilst
    you amend your website, how could i subscribe for a weblog
    web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a
    little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

    Comment by tatiana hair — June 19, 2017 @ 3:59 pm

  30. I wanted to thank you for this very good read!!
    I absolutely enjoyed every little bit of it. I’ve got you book-marked to look at new things you post…

    Comment by dual os car pc — June 21, 2017 @ 12:55 pm

  31. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this
    website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?

    Plz respond as I’m looking to construct my own blog and
    would like to find out where u got this from.

    Comment by car key systems — June 22, 2017 @ 6:03 am

  32. It’s going to be ending of mine day, however before end I am reading this great post to improve my experience.

    Comment by Bettie — June 23, 2017 @ 12:18 am

  33. You should take part in a contest for one of the finest sites on the internet.
    I am going to recommend this site!

    Comment by Lewis — June 23, 2017 @ 2:05 am

  34. I must thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this
    blog. I really hope to see the same high-grade blog
    posts from you in the future as well. In fact, your creative
    writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal site now

    Comment by Claudette — June 23, 2017 @ 8:22 pm

  35. I’d like to find out more? I’d care to find out more

    Comment by run your car with water — June 24, 2017 @ 3:32 pm

  36. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
    Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this one these days.

    Comment by Eusebia — June 26, 2017 @ 12:20 pm

  37. Right now it seems like WordPress is the preferred blogging platform out
    there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

    Comment by www.cpmow.ru — June 28, 2017 @ 12:48 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress