Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

January 22, 2013

Ultimatum Frisbee: Cut or Clear?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:35 am

UltimatumsIn the game of ultimate frisbee, people who stay to the middle of the field and lead the charge instead of breaking long for the throw are Handlers. As they do so, handlers might yell “Cut or clear!” — which basically means “get open for a pass, or get out of the way!” In ultimate, this admonition is generally considered obvious and annoying. In life, however, we are often entitled to yell, “get open to commitment, or clear your things out of my drawer!”

But when? What’s the middle ground between blind faith and brute force? How can you tell the difference between Not Ready Yet and Will Never Be? Will the act of pushing drive someone away?

Tough calls, all. And they’re pretty much case by case. But I will tell you this … though you’re not going to want to hear it. An ultimatum — if you choose to use one — is not about getting someone to do something. It is not bouncing the ball into the other person’s court — that is, out of your hands. It is not a tactic, not a strategy, not a plan. It is not setting a pick. An ultimatum is a statement of your purpose. It is, ultimately, your responsibility. Because, ultimately, your partner is going to do whatever s/he is going to do. YOU are the one who has to come through.

Remember what I told Cameo (who couldn’t get her boyfriend of 8 years to “commit” — nor her biological clock of 28 years to stop ticking)?

I told her to walk.

I told her, that is, to walk this way: “I don’t mean that you should say, ‘I’m walking out if you don’t commit! Look at me! Here I go! Yoo-hoo! I’m walking! I am so walking … sort of near that door! Waaaaalking! Watch me go…!’ I also don’t mean walk out the door, and then walk by his house ten minutes later to see if he’s committed ‘yet.’ I mean: walk.

What, does Breakup Girl believe that a relationship don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that ring? No. Does she want to promote the stereotype that a girl’s best friend is all a woman wants, needs, and hopes for? No. [First of all, I’d give the same advice to a guy. Second of all: ] I’m just going with what you’re telling me: that marriage and babies are what you want, and that they may not, alas, be available in your current (eight-year!) relationship. You can’t ‘get him to commit;’ go get what you want with someone who wants the same thing. And the thing is — I hesitate to say this, because I am in NO way advocating game-playing — but, well, when you walk, this guy just might realize that he is that someone.” In which case, I should add, you may walk — carefully — back.

This is just one example. I am not advocating some sort of mass walkout. I am just saying that — again — if commitment is what you want, you’ve got to demonstrate it, too…whereever it may leave you.

But in determining whether an ultimatum is necessary in the first place, you’ve got to break deep for a view of the whole field. In this month’s issue of New Woman, Dalma Heyn writes about her friend Jen, whose boyfriend kept talking about how scary closeness was. “Yet there he was at [Jen’s] place, doing the dishes, fixing the washing machine, loving [her] in the most obvious way. Instead of pointing out the discrepancy, Jen let him talk. [She’d] say, ‘Mmm, closeness is scary.’ … [She] didn’t jump on him or insist that he commit. [She knew] he just had these residual fears to work through. While tiling the kitchen floor, he announced casually that these tiles were so durable they’d last as long as their marriage did.” They were engaged before the grout dried. Huh.

See, in a sense, waiting can be as active as walking. If you actually think s/he will come around eventually, back off. If you really aren’t sure, get on his/her back. As long as you’re sure that you are prepared to make the ultimate commitment.

This column was originally published December 7, 1998.

No Comments »

  1. Presstek Takes ABDick Integration to Next Level cheap business cards mailing labels By Patrick Henry Published: October 8, 2002 ,Personalization: The Missing Link
    Frank J. Romano Direct mail is at above average growth, but magazines, newspapers, and Yellow Page directories are seeing erratic growth. All have competition from your Internet. June 8, 2005 — Robert Coen, the senior v . p . and director for forecasting at Universal McCann, made slight alterations in his final tally of 2004’s media expenditures. The final U.S. ad spending in most media totaled $263.766 billion in 2004–up 7.four percent from $245.477 billion in 2003. In December 2004, Coen estimated that 2004 spending could well be up 7.4 % to $263,699 billion. Spending growth by national advertisers grew by 9.6 percent. Previously, he predicted that national marketers would spend 8.9 percent over in 2003, having a total of $165.9 billion. The final number is $167 billion. Advertising spending by smaller local marketers increased of them costing only 4.0 percent. Much in the boom in ad spending during the final years on the twentieth century was due towards the Internet and overly enthusiastic high technology expectations, Coen said. Similar stimulations usually are not more likely to may actually fuel excessive advertising growth from the not to distant future. Nevertheless, with continued economic growth and spreading business and consumer confidence, you’ll find more reasons to become optimistic than pessimistic regarding the near term outlook for that advertising industry. Print will prevail if we realize which it is just not either/or; it can be either/and. What these numbers really show is print media keeps growing less quickly than so-called new media. Even broadcast media are beginning to view the Internet effect. When a fresh medium enters the promoting mix, it usurps several of the existing spending. Marketing budgets will not expand to encompass new media. Direct mail is at above average growth, but magazines, newspapers, and Yellow Page directories are seeing erratic growth. All have competition through the Internet. 2004 BUDGETS OF NATIONAL ADVERTISERS Percent Change 2004/Projections Over 2003 $ (000,000) Four TV Networks + 9.5% $16,458 Spot TV + 10.0 10,943 Cable TV + 12.0 15,628 Syndication TV + 15.0 3,949 Radio + 2.0 4,427 Magazines + 6.0 12,121 Newspapers + 5.5 7,762 Consumer Media Sub-Total + 8.8 $71,288 Direct Mail + 8.0 $52,240 Yellow Pages + 1.0 2,135 Internet + 25.0 7,062 Other National Media + 7.8 33,269 TOTAL NATIONAL + 8.9% $165,994 The continuing development of print for advertising may come about not as it wins the war with new along with media. It should come as it wins the peace–it finds methods where it really works to media. Print will prevail after we realize it is just not either/or; it’s either/and. ,colored labels business equipment
    printing-in-china.com

    Comment by Rickywhony — September 29, 2016 @ 11:54 am

  2. BoSacks Speaks Out: A Review of PRIMEX NYC 锘?a href=”http://printing-in-china.net/”>printing services Book Printing We are actually examining the status with the graphic arts industry from your perspective of that responsiveness for the progressive recommendations of strategic consultants. ,With Charrette, Pitman Crosses Chasm into Display Graphics
    By Barbara Pellow April 19, 2006 — Thomas Friedman’s top selling book, The World is Flat, explains the way the flattening from the world happened in the dawn from the twenty-first century. He investigates how technology is evolving business dynamics using a global basis. The book describes how a interconnected world facilitated by technology and trade liberalization connects people around the planet a lot more closely. The book cites samples of how technology has allowed key business functions like telemarketer firms and taxes preparation to get outsourced to India and China. Workflow software seamlessly connected applications to applications, to ensure that people could manipulate almost all their digitized content using computers as well as the Internet Friedman indicates how the genesis with the flattening in the world really started together with the thought of workflow. According to Friedman, The opening of Windows, the digitization of content, plus the spreading with the Internet browser seamlessly connected people with others as no time before. Workflow software seamlessly connected applications to applications, in order that people could manipulate their digitized content using computers as well as the Internet. When you add this unprecedented new a higher level people-to-people communication to these Web-based application-to-application workflow programs, you turn out which has a completely new global platform for multiple varieties of collaboration. Suddenly, the best way to from more places discovered that they may collaborate on more other individuals on different types of work and share more different varieties of knowledge than in the past before. And Workflow Flattens the World on the Graphic Communicator Initially, workflow meant your customer care rep took a purchase in writing; forwarded it to prepress with appropriate files; proofs were couriered to and fro to the purchaser; the printed product was manufactured and shipped; then someone walked onto billing using a part of paper telling those to listing an invoice and mail it. While a range of systems started to look at hold, frequently the prepress departments had Macs as well as the accounting system and support services were using IBM platforms. The result became a not enough interoperability between departments. In fact, Friedman describes organizations ten in years past like cities that has a bad fire department. Graphic communication firms were being a city where every neighborhood experienced a different interface to get in touch the hearth hose on the hydrant. Everything was O.K. when the fire might be handled through the neighborhood fire department, but if your fire got a chance to big and fire engines in the next neighborhood had being called in, we were holding useless, simply because couldn’t connect on the fire hydrants. Ten in years past graphic communication firms were such as a city where every neighborhood stood a different interface in order to connect the fireplace hose for the fire hydrant The market and also the realm of graphic communications resolved this through improved compliance to standards. In the printing industry, standards like JDF and PDF are located. Adobe Portable Document Format (PDF) was created by Adobe 15 years back. It lets users capture and look at robust information — from any application, on any personal computer — and share it with anyone all over the world. JDF, or job definition format, could be the automation strategy which is bringing the advantages of automation to small and big printers by permitting the many processes to utilize the identical information. As a normal for describing all facets of your print job, from prepress to finishing, JDF is often a standard for writing job tickets, such as specification of paper stock, quantities, color information, plus much more. JDF workflows carry this data along while using files through all prepress and imaging stages, and in many cases might be employed to preset ink keys with a press and mechanical settings using a stitcher, folder, or perfect binder. JDF was made for sheetfed offset printing and digital printing, plus the specifications have already been extended to web offset printing, newspaper production, and, in rudimentary form, packaging. Capturing certain requirements and ensuring they stay together with the print job with the production process automates a critical and time-consuming component of printing: writing and rewriting specifications. According to Friedman, when the technical foundation was available, more plus more people started writing workflow software packages for further plus much more different tasks. This will not be unlike might know about have experienced inside the graphic communications industry. Once the technical foundation was in position, more and even more people started writing workflow programs for additional and even more different tasks For example, Adobe announced Adobe PDF Print Engine 2 weeks ago. The Adobe PDF Print Engine combines the strengths of content definition in Adobe PDF and JDF to master print systems, allowing PDF print jobs to remain device-independent over the workflow. Print workflow systems which are powered because of the Adobe PDF Print Engine can readily allow late-stage content corrections, enable repurposing jobs for output on different printing systems and supply on-screen, high-resolution previews driven by the identical rendering engine as final stage Raster Image Processors (RIPs). Workflow: Benefiting the Graphic Communications Market The key message from Friedman is the fact that standards don’t eliminate innovation–rather they enable companies to give attention to innovation. Standards let companies place increased exposure of the place that the real value lies, that’s everything you are able to add above and across the standard. A best example may be the implementation of standards at LaVigne Inc. LaVigne Founded over 100 years back, LaVigne, Inc. would be the 14th largest commercial printer in Massachusetts along with the 44th largest digital printer from the United States. The company employs about 80 full-some time to 20 part-time people in their 45,000 square foot Worcester facility. Lavigne used JDF for connecting Printable’s PrintOne Customer Center to your Hewlett-Packard Indigo ProductionFlow digital front-end to automate its processes. Since implementation, they’ve got gone from 25 orders processed a month to around 700 orders each month and a 92 percent decline in customer processing costs. LaVigne requested a joint meeting between HP and Printable to determine if JDF could possibly be employed to tie the 2 systems together and implement LaVigne’s workflow design. They identified the right tags inside JDF specification that made one of the most sense, created workflow templates for your different sorts of jobs to become produced, created invoicing and reporting templates that utilized the JDF tickets, come up with folders from the digital asset database, tested that has a ‘dummy’ portal and went live having a single piece for a preexisting customer. The entire implementation took 90 days. Standards let companies place focus on the place that the real value lies, that’s everything you may add above and across the standard Motheral Firms like Fort Worth-based Motheral have leveraged automated workflow to further improve internal operations and applied a similar concept to outside relationships. Motheral has built workflows that are included with its customers, consumables, upstream process suppliers like prepress companies or designers, and downstream partners like fulfillment houses, mailers, and shippers to make an automatic supply chain which has a high degree of visibility for everyone participants. According to COO David Motheral, It is around automating production, manufacturing, customer-facing and business systems. While printers frequently question the veracity with the Digital Smart Factory, Motheral Printing has generated one and is particularly making the most of it. Doing the position once correctly is definitely a huge time-saver Motheral’s workflow automation is made on Prinergy, Prepare, Page Assign with an InSite Server. Motheral said, We provide our customers with Prepare software without any charge given it saves time on each side. The usage of Prepare is essential that you our workflow because of each of the automation we’ve got set up. Nearly all of our own jobs go from the Prinegy workflow untouched. Knowing that any of us are receiving reliable, print-ready PDF/X-1A files whenever ensures how the automation will continue to work consistently and with out a hitch. Customers time savings since they tend not to need to go back and rework files that happen to be flagged with errors. Doing the work once correctly is obviously a major time-saver. Combining Prepare with InSite can be a one-two punch in file creation and job approval. Creating and streamlining the approval process is really a live saver for both printer and client. When you may ask Motherall in summary the complete operational benefits his company has achieved, it is clear that good automation works. We familiar with run three shifts each day for four business days to create a proof for starters in our regular jobs. We would then send out for review and resend corrected files. Since the proofs were transmitted as hard copy, delivery delays were an important part in the process. Now the proofs are designed within an hour along with a half, and plates are able in another a couple of hours, according to him. Staffing requirements for both the organization as well as its clients are already reduced to your fraction of the items these were. Standards, workflow and software enables graphic communications firms to not simply communicate, but collaborate Motheral Printing links to just one of Friedman’s final concepts concerning workflow. Friedman said, All of the standards, on top with the workflow software, help enable work for being broken apart, reassembled and created circulate without friction, forwards and backwards between well organized producers. The diversity of applications that could automatically be capable of communicate with one another are going to be limited only by our imaginations. So What if It’s a Flat World After All? Standards, workflow and software will permit graphic communications firms to not only communicate, but collaborate. Firms contain the power to build coalitions, products and integrated service offerings on the global basis to meet the requirements of a more and more diverse client base. Tasks could be performed by whoever does them best also, since graphic communications firms are migrating to your virtual work, the organizations might not exactly ought to be physically adjacent. The winners within the realm of graphic communications will build strong workflow systems leveraging industry standards and build coalitions from the handiest producers to be probably the most profitable companies. ,Paper Gift Office Supplies
    printing-in-china.net

    Comment by RobertAlile — September 29, 2016 @ 12:05 pm

  3. The performances by the singers are second to none. You will definitely get a whole new standpoint of daily life, which could change nurous current partnerips that you may have.By ting protively, you’ll greatly minimize behavior problems in kids. Reply to client issues and responses quickly so your consurs know you happen to be hearing them. The grounds for web censorship array towards justified needs in the direction of cover minors towards incorrect contents in the direction of undemocratic in direction of regulate us citizens attain in the direction of material.Behavior problems in youngsters:Start Shaping Behavior early!From early infancy, young children are studying behaviors which will ape them for life. Just make sure that you are adding als into the entire body that can help you, not do a lot more problems for you. As an entry-level worker, you will need to climb up the ranks gradually and earn your ple at the top spot for a better salary range.The opera house was built in the 1908 after twenty years of construction by famed architect Fancesco Tamburini, and has been providing unparalleled music ever since.Usually, one or additional of them are really supporting or continuing the misbehavior.
    Brandon Mebane Jersey [url=http://www.nfloutletstore.us.com/Seattle-seahawks_Brandon-mebane-jersey/]Brandon Mebane Jersey[/url]

    Comment by Brandon Mebane Jersey — September 29, 2016 @ 1:10 pm

  4. After several more years of training, I was nearly as expert as these top surgeons. CONTIN?A EN ” HOSPITALIZACION DOCMICILIARIA “, INCAPAZ DE VALERSE POR SI MISMA. It truly helps ease their suffering, too. Think about the mood and look for artwork that really works by using it.com is the ultimate online casino guide giving you all the information you need to choose the right online casino for you.
    http://www.thesoccerworldshop.com/Toronto-Mls-Ahmed-Kantari-Jersey-Sale/

    Comment by http://www.thesoccerworldshop.com/Toronto-Mls-Ahmed-Kantari-Jersey-Sale/ — September 29, 2016 @ 1:37 pm

  5. Teddie Drew obituary whole house water treatment shower filter This isn’t simply a question of if the UK should be so profligate with its water footprint though. It’s in a situation that goes towards the heart of the debate about development. ,We鈥檙e exposed to hormone-disrupting BPA just by breathing
    The official rationale for the water shut-downs 鈥?the Detroit Water Department’s have to recoup millions 鈥?collapses on inspection. Detroit’s high-end golf club, the Red Wing’s hockey arena, the Ford football stadium, and greater than half in the city’s commercial and industrial users are also owing 鈥?a quantity totalling $30 million. But no contractors have showed up on the doorstep. ,best water softner home water filtration
    watersinfo.org

    Comment by Robertdet — September 29, 2016 @ 6:59 pm

  6. Channel swimmer Vicky smashes her targets for WaterAid water treatment chemicals whole house water filter Despite the political pressure being applied from the new government, it’s unlikely how the requirements for a double dissolution election 鈥?a bill be rejected twice by both houses with 90 days between the 2 votes 鈥?could be met until shortly before the brand new Senate sits next July. ,Rainy May ‘won’t end drought’
    Regulators told residents that letting lawns go brown is the best way to save water. ,Water Treatment system refrigerator water filters
    watersinfo.org

    Comment by WilliamZop — September 30, 2016 @ 2:17 am

  7. An Action-Packed Week Ahead, If You Love Economic Data box manufacturers stationery companies “I will sell my business when customers are stable or improving.” Reilly says that in case a firm tries to get acquired whilst it is at decline, “it’s harder to acquire an offer done, because nobody knows how bad everything’s going for getting.” The seller’s prospects are brightest when the company is stable or improving, adds Reilly, who also counsels letting the sale happen following the important things about major capital investments have experienced sufficient time and energy to appear within the seller’s P&L. ,Watching the Wheels Go Round and Round鈥擮r Not
    RAS (roll applied shrink) ,sticky labels christmas wrapping
    printing-in-china.com

    Comment by Charlesitemy — September 30, 2016 @ 2:19 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress