Big To Do
About Us

“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

February 26, 2013

Missing my ex

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:31 am

Regretting it on December 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Firstly… you rock.

Secondly, I’m kind of a wreck, so I seek your counsel, once again, for a little perspective on my breakup nine months ago. To recap: I’m 29. Me and “John” broke up four times during the four and a half years that we dated, first he with me, then me with him…etc. Every time we got back together it was always because we tried to be friends, and then one thing led to another–you get the idea. We would keep our reconciliations from our friends for as long as possible because we knew they wouldn’t understand. Well, actually, it was mostly my friends who wouldn’t understand because they always felt that John perhaps wasn’t the best man for me, even though they all really loved him a lot, and thought he was a great guy.

When we finally broke up for the last time, it was my decision. We were in the midst of a secret reconciliation, but this time I was really sure that it was not what I wanted at all, but I didn’t know how to stop the cycle. I went to a party, got together with a guy there (with John asleep in my bed at home), and that basically started the whole ball rolling…I told John a few days later that I was going to go on a date–we had decided that we could still date other people, a theory that had yet to be tested–and he obviously became very upset. OK, I told him on his birthday…but you really can’t plan the timing of events like this, right? I went on the date, the date spent the night, John “stopped by” my house the next morning at 6:00 a.m. and proceeded to scare the living daylights out of me/date by banging on the windows, calling incessantly, trying the door, and waiting for us as we came out the front door.

After that whole incident I was embarrassed, humiliated, and really REALLY over John. That was in February. I started looking for jobs out-of-state, actually found one, and moved in May. I really felt that if I didn’t move far away, the cycle would begin again. I needed the space to regroup and figure out if John was right for me or not. He asked me to marry him, I said no (no ring, just desperation), and I told him I just didn’t know. He told me he couldn’t wait forever. I understood and moved anyway. Haven’t seen him since.

So, here I am, nine months later, in a new town, living the single life, yet thinking about John all the time. I’ve been on many horrific dates, and each one makes John look even better. I miss him so much and I really want to talk to him but I don’t think it would be fair for me to call and say I miss him… I guess I just need someone to tell me that just because John was so great doesn’t mean he’s the right man for me. But my question is…is there a perfect match out there? John is so terrific in so many ways, I don’t “hate” him at all, and actually have mostly fond memories of our relationship–especially the last segment. But after so many breakups I just really don’t feel that I can invest my emotions in a relationship with him anymore. I will always have reservations because it seems that we are destined to live out the cycle over and over and over again. And each time we break up, my heart breaks so very deeply. I can’t break up with John any more.

Help me Breakup Girl! You are my only hope! Can I call him? Do I move on and think of him in the past tense? Will I ever see John again?

–Alison Heartbreak

Dear AH,

“Just because John was so great doesn’t mean he’s the right man for you.”

There. Okay?

From what you say in your penultimate paragraph, it sounds to me like what you have — at last — is a healthy breakup. It’s the presence of horrific dates — not the absence of John — that occasionally make the split look like a bad idea. So: that’s a Yes! on the “past tense,” a No! on the “perfect,” and a Live! in the present.

Breakup Girl


  1. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is required to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100 positive. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks

    Comment by Prescott gunsmith — October 19, 2016 @ 2:58 pm

  2. I needed to put you a very little observation in order to thank you yet again with the unique opinions you have shared in this case. It was really open-handed of you to deliver extensively exactly what numerous people could have offered as an e-book to end up making some dough on their own, notably considering the fact that you might have done it in the event you decided. The basics also worked to become fantastic way to be sure that many people have similar zeal much like my very own to grasp many more pertaining to this matter. I’m sure there are numerous more pleasant periods up front for those who discover your blog post.

    Comment by michael kors outlet online — October 19, 2016 @ 4:48 pm

  3. Thanks for every other magnificent article. The place else could anyone get that type of info in such a perfect approach of writing? I have a presentation subsequent week, and I’m at the look for such information.

    Comment by video how to sell house fast in FL — October 19, 2016 @ 7:22 pm

  4. Very interesting topic, appreciate it for posting.

    Comment by dog grooming clondalkin — October 19, 2016 @ 10:52 pm

  5. I must show some thanks to you for bailing me out of such a issue. Because of exploring through the world-wide-web and finding ideas which are not productive, I thought my life was done. Being alive without the presence of solutions to the difficulties you have resolved by means of your entire guideline is a serious case, as well as ones which might have in a wrong way affected my entire career if I had not encountered your web page. Your actual mastery and kindness in taking care of all the stuff was excellent. I am not sure what I would have done if I had not encountered such a solution like this. I’m able to at this time look forward to my future. Thank you so much for this impressive and amazing help. I will not think twice to suggest your web blog to anybody who needs to have recommendations on this subject matter.

    Comment by adidas nmd — October 20, 2016 @ 1:27 am

  6. I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your blog. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme? Outstanding work!

    Comment by dog grooming north dublin — October 20, 2016 @ 2:52 am

  7. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

    Comment by shampoodles dog grooming dublin — October 20, 2016 @ 3:26 am

  8. I was reading some of your articles on this internet site and I believe this website is very informative ! Keep on putting up.

    Comment by tallaght dog groomers — October 20, 2016 @ 7:42 am

  9. The subsequent time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I do know it was my choice to read, however I truly thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy searching for attention.

    Comment by Dog grooming tallaght — October 20, 2016 @ 8:12 am

  10. Great goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just too magnificent. I really like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is actually a great site.

    Comment by kreatív blog — October 20, 2016 @ 12:26 pm

  11. Really Appreciate this article, is there any way I can get an email sent to me when there is a fresh update?

    Comment by (Prescott video marketing|Prescott AZ marketing channel} — October 20, 2016 @ 4:18 pm

  12. Merely wanna say that this is very beneficial, Thanks for taking your time to write this.

    Comment by Prescott video marketing — October 21, 2016 @ 4:44 am

  13. I really appreciate your work, Great post.

    Comment by payday loan AFFILIATE network — October 21, 2016 @ 10:42 am

  14. I conceive this web site has got some rattling wonderful info for everyone : D.

    Comment by Ronald J Edelson, MD Review In San Diego California — October 21, 2016 @ 4:46 pm

  15. Hello. remarkable job. I did not imagine this. This is a fantastic story. Thanks!

    Comment by Ronald J Edelson, MD Review In San Diego California — October 21, 2016 @ 7:05 pm

  16. naturally like your web-site but you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very bothersome to tell the reality however I?¦ll certainly come again again.

    Comment by youtube videos sell your house fast — October 21, 2016 @ 8:42 pm

  17. Regards for this fantastic post, I am glad I observed this site on yahoo.

    Comment by sell your house fast with pros — October 21, 2016 @ 9:57 pm

  18. I’ve been surfing online greater than 3 hours today, yet I never discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. It is pretty price sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content material as you probably did, the internet will probably be much more useful than ever before.

    Comment by cash advance in new york — October 21, 2016 @ 10:49 pm

  19. I’m impressed, I need to say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you have got hit the nail on the head. Your concept is outstanding; the difficulty is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled throughout this in my search for one thing referring to this.

    Comment by loan advance — October 22, 2016 @ 1:18 am

  20. The core of your writing whilst sounding reasonable in the beginning, did not really settle perfectly with me after some time. Someplace throughout the sentences you were able to make me a believer but only for a very short while. I however have got a problem with your leaps in assumptions and you would do well to help fill in all those gaps. If you can accomplish that, I could surely end up being impressed.

    Comment by The Ranch at Prescott — October 22, 2016 @ 5:10 am

  21. This blog is definitely rather handy since I’m at the moment creating an internet floral website – although I am only starting out therefore it’s really fairly small, nothing like this site. Can link to a few of the posts here as they are quite. Thanks much. Zoey Olsen

    Comment by The Ranch at Prescott AZ — October 22, 2016 @ 7:48 am

  22. Hi would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using? I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a tough time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

    Comment by Labouring Jobs Birmingham — October 22, 2016 @ 11:37 am

  23. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I don’t know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

    Comment by Labouring Jobs Birmingham — October 22, 2016 @ 2:04 pm

  24. You completed several nice points there. I did a search on the issue and found most folks will agree with your blog.

    Comment by fall furnace service — October 22, 2016 @ 8:38 pm

  25. F*ckin¦ remarkable issues here. I am very satisfied to see your post. Thanks a lot and i’m taking a look ahead to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?

    Comment by Labouring Jobs Birmingham — October 23, 2016 @ 3:37 am

  26. Enjoyed reading through this, very good stuff, thankyou. “All of our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.” by Walt Disney.

    Comment by Labouring Jobs Birmingham — October 23, 2016 @ 4:45 am

  27. Regards for this post, I am a big fan of this web site would like to go on updated.

    Comment by this website — October 23, 2016 @ 7:17 am

  28. Great web site. Lots of useful information here. I¦m sending it to a few pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And of course, thank you to your sweat!

    Comment by Market Hero — October 23, 2016 @ 11:59 am

  29. Good site! I really love how it is easy on my eyes and the data are well written. I’m wondering how I might be notified when a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your RSS which must do the trick! Have a nice day!

    Comment by click this link — October 23, 2016 @ 1:02 pm

  30. Good article! I read your blog often and you always post awesome content. I shared this article on Facebook and my followers loved it. Thanks for writing this!

    Comment by adidas nmd — October 23, 2016 @ 1:14 pm

  31. Hello, Neat post. There’s a problem together with your website in web explorer, could test this… IE still is the marketplace leader and a big component of other folks will leave out your great writing due to this problem.

    Comment by slimming vest — October 23, 2016 @ 3:17 pm

  32. I like what you guys are up too. Such intelligent work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site :)

    Comment by benefits of waist training — October 23, 2016 @ 4:21 pm

  33. You got a very fantastic website, Sword lily I observed it through yahoo.

    Comment by עבודות נגרות ברמת גן — October 23, 2016 @ 6:43 pm

  34. Very nice article and straight to the point. I don’t know if this is actually the best place to ask but do you guys have any thoughts on where to get some professional writers? Thanks :)

    Comment by Krysten Crafter — October 24, 2016 @ 2:56 am

  35. Thank you so much for providing individuals with remarkably brilliant chance to read articles and blog posts from this blog. It is usually very awesome and also full of fun for me and my office mates to visit your site more than 3 times in 7 days to see the newest stuff you have. Of course, I am just at all times happy with your exceptional creative ideas you serve. Some 4 areas in this posting are undoubtedly the most impressive I have ever had.

    Comment by BestGiftz — October 24, 2016 @ 5:16 am

  36. I genuinely value your piece of work, Great post.

    Comment by Emergency water restoration — October 24, 2016 @ 8:42 am

  37. Keep up the fantastic work, I read few articles on this website and I believe that your website is really interesting and has got sets of fantastic info .

    Comment by water damage restoration — October 24, 2016 @ 9:48 am

  38. It is really a great and useful piece of info. I?¦m happy that you simply shared this useful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

    Comment by cheap auto insurance mn — October 24, 2016 @ 7:13 pm

  39. Very interesting info !Perfect just what I was looking for! “Wherever the Turkish hoof trods, no grass grows.” by Victor Hugo.

    Comment by free mac ftp client — October 24, 2016 @ 10:04 pm

  40. I have been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this web site. Thank you, I will try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your web site?

    Comment by how to share folder in google drive — October 24, 2016 @ 11:38 pm

  41. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

    Comment by cheap homeowners insurance quotes online — October 25, 2016 @ 1:58 am

  42. Thanks on your marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it,
    you might be a great author.I will make sure to bookmark your blog and will often come back
    later in life. I want to encourage you to continue your great posts, have a
    nice afternoon!

    Comment by Jefferson — April 22, 2017 @ 9:48 pm

  43. wh0cd879713 viagra

    Comment by Phyllismaype — April 24, 2017 @ 2:41 pm

  44. wonderful publish, very informative. I ponder why the opposite
    experts of this sector do not understand this. You must
    continue your writing. I’m confident, you’ve a great readers’ base

    Comment by Elwood — April 25, 2017 @ 9:10 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.


blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress