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October 28

How sex ed saved my life

Filed under: blogs,issues,Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:07 am

In case you didn’t already know this, Scarleteen is the source for real sex education in the real world. It’s deserving of a shout-out of far more than 140 characters; it’s run and supported by people “who want better for young people than what they get in schools, on the street or from initiatives whose aim is to intentionally use fearmongering, bias and misinformation about sexuality to try to scare or intimidate young people into serving their own personal, political or religious agendas.” And right now, there’s a extra push for cash going on to help Scarleteen keep doing the honest, empowering, and irreplaceable work they do. Read recent testimonials such as “How Scarleteen and Sex Ed Saved My Life,” and “Accentuating the (Sex) Positive: Discovering Scarleteen” — and maybe you’ll be inspired to show Scarleteen a little love yourself.

September 23

Take this sex ed quiz and win awesome prizes!

Filed under: issues,News,Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:41 am

It’s the National Sex Ed Week of Action! Now with PRIZES! (For the first reader who emails me with answers to the quiz below!) But first, a quick true or false:

• The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate among the world’s developed nations.

• According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, at least one in four teen girls has a sexually transmitted infection.

• Half of sexually active young people in the U.S. will contract a sexually transmitted infection by age 25.

• Approximately 750,000 teenagers in the United States will become pregnant this year.

• The health care reform bill  included a renewal of $50 million per year funding of abstinence-only education for states until 2014.

This Op-Ed by an Atlanta teen about the importance of comprehensive, accurate sex ed is awesome.

Answer key: TRUE, TRUE, TRUE, TRUE, TRUE, TRUE.

Which, now that we’re all riled up, brings us to the one with PRIZES! Planned Parenthood of NYC, BG’s local affiliate, is giving away a package of safe-sex goodies to the BG reader who emails me with the correct answers to all five of the following (at least peripherally) sex-ed related questions. Pencils ready?

1. In how many states is it still illegal for an unmarried heterosexual couple to live together?

2. What was the name of the first daytime television show to feature a same sex wedding?

3. What famous female advocate founded the first birth control clinic and later founded Planned Parenthood?

4. Japanese love pillows, which usually decorated with life-size animae characters are called what?

5. What species was the famous gay couple who raised an offspring named Tango together?

(And now, New Yorkers, join the campaign!)

July 10

Sex ed for grownups?

Filed under: News — posted by Mary @ 10:58 am

When it comes to sex smarts, the youngish generation has — at least in theory — an advantage. We come from the school of sex ed that — never mind the condoms passed out like candy and the environmentally evil towers of pamphlets — scared the living crap out of us with horrifyingly explicit medical details and threat of death by French kiss.

So at least we came out with bit of a clue. But (never mind these folks) what about those who went before? A new study has revealed that the rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among those over 45 more than doubled in less than a decade. Genital warts was most commonly diagnosed; men in general and people between the ages of 55 and 59 were significantly more likely to have an STI than anyone else.

Experts say that once you’re beyond fearing pregnancy (or so you might think) it’s easy to forget that you need protection for, you know, other stuff. They also stress the importance of equating sexual health only with young people.

“The almost exclusive focus on the sexual health of young people has tended to ignore older age groups, who are also at risk,” say the study’s authors. “Programmes aimed at preventing sexually transmitted infections should be tailored toward different age groups and do more to dispel myths and assumptions about the level of sexual activity among older age groups.”

Hey, this other new study shouldn’t hurt either.

December 8

Assange, those wacky Swedes, & “sex by surprise”?

Filed under: blogs,issues,News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 2:53 pm

What she said (emphasis added):

Whether withdrawal of consent is what actually happened here is impossible to tell, so I’m not suggesting that Assange is a rapist or that these charges are 100% definitely on-point; I have no idea. But neither do the commentators who are saying that Assange did nothing more than have sex without a condom. And it’s important to counter the “haha sex by surprise those crazy Swedes” media narrative with the fact that actually, non-consensual sex is assault and should be recognized as such by law. Consenting to one kind of sexual act doesn’t mean that you consent to anything else your partner wants to do; if it’s agreed that the only kind of sex we’re having is with a condom, then it does remove an element of consent to have sex without a condom with only one partner’s knowledge. To use another example, if you and your partner agree that you can penetrate her, it doesn’t necessarily follow that she has the green light to penetrate you whenever and however.

I’m not particularly interested in debating What Assange Did or Whether Assange Is A Rapist, and I’d appreciate it if we could steer clear of that in the comments section. Rather, I’m interested in pushing back on the primary media narrative about this case, which is that women lie and exaggerate about rape, and will call even the littlest thing — a broken condom! — rape if they’re permitted to under a too-liberal feminist legal system. In fact, there are lots of good reasons to support consent-based sexual assault laws, and to recognize that consent goes far beyond “yes you can put that in here now.” It’s a shame that the shoddy, sensationalist reporting on this case have muddied those waters.

There.

July 2

Edward Cullen: Sexy or Creepy?

Filed under: media — posted by Chris @ 10:03 am

I recently watched Twilight for the first time and I couldn’t understand why Bella (Kristen Stewart, who I will always identify as the little boy in Panic Room) was attracted to Edward (Robert Pattinson) at all. But then, I’m a guy. I guess there was that saving-her-life thing. That’s sexy. But otherwise? He was kind of a mess of creepy affectations. And let’s not forget he’s really an old man.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer always did a good job of punching a hole in this kind of epic brooding, so maybe that ruined it for me. In fact, my reaction to the movie is perfectly captured in this well edited video mashup of Buffy Summers meeting Edward Cullen:

Cree-pee. I would stake him too. (And, boy, does he do a LOT of walking away.) And yet this is what passes for female-fantasy? Edward doesn’t seem any less creepy when Vicki Iovine at the Huffington Post tries to explain his appeal (in the books) in a vacuous and only barely self-aware piece on what she’s calling “mommy porn”:

I’m in the mood to see more people punched in the nose by a handsome hero. Perhaps the evolution of 21st century men into laptop toting, UFL-lit frequent fliers to further self-importance leaves many women hungering for a man who can cut down a tree, rebuild an engine and catch and gut a fish. And I want one of those kinds of guys handing out a few shiners to the girly men on my list: Bernie Madoff, Bill Clinton, Rush Limbaugh to name a few. Admit it, it felt good to see someone punch Perez Hilton, didn’t it?

To all those guys — myself included — asking “why do women date assholes?” I think her piece inadvertently holds the answer.

November 12

True Confessions: She bared her skin … but not her heart!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:24 am

truecircleDear Breakup Girl,

I’ve never seen such good relationship advice on a website. You rule, therefore maybe you can help me. Six months ago I met AMY, a girl who I had intense *POW* chemistry with. I mean it, when we first made eye contact it was like my tongue hit an electric socket. She felt it too, I found out later. Not because either of us is extremely attractive, you understand, it was just “there” you know?

Anyhoo, I am 26, a few girlfriends and one live-in experience that lasted a year. Amy, however, was (and likely still is) a virgin at age 27. She told me right up front that she was conservative, didn’t like public displays of affection, didn’t often date, and had never been in a relationship longer than 3 weeks. I thought this was odd, but accepted it. She also told me after knowing me two weeks that she was NOT EVER going to sleep with me. This stunned me, because I usually don’t go into relationships deciding whether or not I’m going to DO something — I usually just let it happen. This hurt my feelings when she said it, but after we talked about it we decided to keep dating. This was probably my first mistake, but keep reading.

To contradict all Amy told me about herself, our dating pattern didn’t seem to fit. We would commonly meet for lunch, which would turn into a long talk, then a matinee, followed by dinner, followed by searing makeout sessions that would leave my lips bruised the next day. These dates happened once or twice a week, and ended at 2 AM when she (or I) would pry ourselves away (no sleepovers, no intercourse allowed) and drive home. The dates always lasted many hours, and even after spending almost 10 or 12 hours together, she would say “I wish I could spend more time with you etc.” By our third or 4th date she had gone from not wanting to hug me in public to kissing me (with tongue) while we were at a table in a restaurant (in a secluded booth, and I didn’t object).

(more…)

August 27

How do I have sex with him without hurting his feelings?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:35 am

Feels like the first time on November 2, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Ok, I hate asking for advice. About anything. I detest asking for directions when I’m driving (I get lost a lot) and I really, really, really hate asking advice about anything personal. But, jeez, I’m confused. No, wait, nervous is more like it. Here’s the deal: I have a boyfriend. I love him a lot. We have a good relationship. He’s totally sweet, I’ve known him since I was a freshman (I’m 18 now and in college) and he was a sophomore in high school. In fact, we once dated [three years ago] too. So our relationship has a pretty strong base. I’m completely secure and happy. Great. Super. Wonderful. Right? Problem is, we recently agreed to start having sex. Now this is not a “should we or shouldn’t we” are we ready kind of question. I know I’m ready. I’m not a virgin, haven’t been for a while, and I’m comfortable with that. It’s not like I’ve been sleeping around. I lost my virginity two and a half years ago to my best friend…it was a mutual curiosity thing, and I’m glad I lost it to someone I love as much as him…even in a friendly way. I’ve been with two other guys since (both long-term relationships) and haven’t felt guilty or weird at all. Until now. Cuz, see, the thing is, well, he (my boyfriend) is a virgin. Yep, 19 years old, never slept with anybody. Don’t get me wrong, I love that. I think it’s totally cute. It makes him even more attractive. I just feel kinda strange having quite a bit more experience than him. He knows he won’t be my first, we have an honest relationship. And I can tell it’s weird for him. I know he still really cares for me and all, but I think it’s like, painful for him to think about other me with other guys. In fact, he told me so. How do I put him at ease? I love the guy, and I feel so loved and flattered that he would sleep with me. I know he’s turned down lots of other girls, so for him to feel ready to sleep with me, only me, really says a lot for his feelings. He’s a really sensitive guy (almost scarily femininely sensitive) and I want him to know that it is equally special for me, which it is. So it basically boils down to this: How do I have sex with him without hurting his feelings? Strange question, I know, but I’m worried! Thanks a bunch…

— Nicole

BG’s answer after the jump!

August 8

I want more talking and less sex

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:56 am

fantasyTalking is overrated on November 2, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

A year ago I walked into the first day of class and saw the most beautiful girl I had seen in a VERY long time. I had a huge crush instantly. Everyone has certain criteria, whether they know them or not, and She meets all of mine. Intelligent, funny, caring, active, silly, an incredible smile, beautiful eyes… ouch!

Anyways, a few months later I noticed her talking to me more frequently and had the feeling something was happening but thought nothing of it. While we were in Toronto for a conference, we went out with mutual friends one night. Her friend, whom she was staying with suggested I crash at her place since it was closer. I’m thinking, “great idea, She’s staying there!” Anyways, the friend, the crush, and I went back to the friend’s place, and we stayed up talking for a while, then went to our respective rooms. 45 minutes later I’m woken up by my door opening and She’s crawling into my bed saying she was cold. I’m thinking “I will keep my hands to myself,” but that quickly changed when she started kissing the back of my neck. Anyways, skipping ahead two hours,we both agreed that we were not looking for a relationship since our course/work-load simply didn’t leave enough time for one. After getting back to school, we found that the course-load did not decrease our sex drives.

We both found that while we had trouble keeping our hands off each other, the most important part of a relationship, communication, was going nowhere. Auuugh!!! It would seem like we’d just run out of things to say. I don’t think there was anything worse than feeling like I didn’t have anything to talk to her about. I even started to plan ahead what I could talk to her about at one point! Anyways, we broke up after about one and a half months because we agreed that we were missing something pretty and important; communication.

(more…)

July 16

Haunted by his First

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:08 am

It Came From The PastFeeling second rate on October 26, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have this wonderful, wonderful boyfriend. We’ve been living together for over a year now, and I couldn’t be happier. We are best friends, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. The problem is, he had a girlfriend before me. Now, keep in mind that he no longer speaks to this girl (not to mention the fact that this girl is supposedly getting married, or maybe already got married) and says he doesn’t like her at all, and didn’t like who he was when he was with her. However, despite all the logical attempts I have made to overcome this, I have a raging jealousy of her. She was his first everything — girlfriend, kiss, sexual partner. They only dated for a month. Now, I realize that:

1. I am the one he comes home to now, the one that he shares things with and chooses to be with.

2. I am being incredibly petty about this.

But, this continues to bother me. Why? He doesn’t even talk to her! (How do people whose SO’s are friends with their exes ever deal…?) What can I do, BG? I’m going nuts here! I wish I didn’t know anything about her, but silly me, I insisted that he tell me stuff. (Warning to readers if you print this: DON’T ASK, you don’t want to know!)

I’ve talked to him about this, and not surprisingly, he doesn’t have many suggestions for me other than to just forget about it. That’s what my friends all tell me, too: that it’s kinda silly and I’ll get over it, don’t worry. But it’s been a long time, and I haven’t gotten over it. What can I do? PLEASE help!

Thanks ever so much. I’m a huge fan of the page… read it every Monday. :)

— Petty


Dear Petty,

Second hand, second-rate, second class, second fiddle. “Second” does get a bad rap, doesn’t it? And when it comes to love, our firsts are in a magical mystery class by themselves. So it’s totally normal to get a little pouty about the one who went before — especially when she’s the First Lady.

(more…)

May 29

I cheated, now I want him back

Filed under: Advice — posted by Abby @ 8:42 am

The days of our lives, including October 12, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

This past year my life could have been a soap opera of the popular kind. It has included all of the standard characters; the bitch (me), the poor, explioted b/f (my ex), the hunky-but-mean crush (my HUGE mistake). Well, that’s the characters, now to the plot.

Me and my bf (let’s call him John) had been together for 1.5 years with everything that includes; almost breaking up, getting back together, going on vacation together, visiting his family who lives more than 1000 km from here, you know, all the pair-things. But then one day in all my stupidity and ignorance, I cheated on my bf. To my defence I will only say that this other hunky-but-showed-out-to-be-unbelievably-selfish guy is one who I had had a crush on a while before my bf and I got together, and my feelings for this guy weren’t totally non-existing (but mind you, I was NOT in love with him, it was just a stupid mistake; actually the biggest mistake of my life so far…). I would also like to stress that it was a no-sex thing, just kissing-and-clothes-on. I am not trying to excuse what I did, I am not proud of it. But as John is quite conservative on this, the whole thing ended with us breaking up, and me being THE BITCH.

(more…)

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Breakup Girl
is the superhero whose domain is LOVE or the lack thereof! Her blog combines new comics, observations and dating news with classic advice letters--now blogified for reader feedback!
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