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September 1, 2011

Confused at 15

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:00 am

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Needing to talk on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

First of all, I am only 15. Which might make my problem less significant, but I am going to go ahead and tell you anyway.

My boyfriend of 6 months (who is 17 years old) just broke up with me. Needless to say, my heart is shattered. The fact that he proposed to me makes it even worse. I think he broke up with me because other things became more important. I don’t know what to do. Shortly after we broke up I discovered that I was pregnant. I miscarried. But now I can’t seem to get in touch with him. My question is, should I tell him that I was pregnant? Also when I saw him one day shortly after the breakup he told me he still loved me but he wanted to wait till I turned sixteen before we got back together. I think that is an influence from his Mom. The thing is I still love him so much. I have had offers from other guys but I feel if I go out with some one else I am betraying him in some odd way. Why? I am so confused. I want to contact him but is it wrong to make contact with him before he even tries to get in touch with me? I feel like I can’t put this whole thing to rest unless I discuss my feelings with him in private. We haven’t had a discussion more than 5 minutes long in the whole time since we broke up.

I hope I didn’t confuse you too bad, Breakup Girl. Please help me!

– Confused

BG’s response after the jump!

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November 4, 2010

Still ranking on Internet dating? Really?

Filed under: issues — posted by Breakup Girl @ 12:28 pm

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Folks, this is getting as old as the people who allegedly lie about their age on the Internet. Are we really still slamming internet dating? It’s kind of like saying cell phones are bad, or “technology.” In the latest crabby smackdown, Rhodri Marsden, writing in The Independent, “reveals” the “truth” about Internet dating: things don’t work out more often than they do. Stop the presses? Because um, that is also true of bricks-and-mortar dating as well — it’s probability, not cynicism — not to mention, well, life. Saying that he has — aha! — found people who’ve been bruised by Internet dating! is like saying he’s found people who have been bruised by…dating. Duh. Everyone said it was handy. No one said it was magic.

To be sure, there are differences, concrete and ineffable, between dating online and IRL. Each has advantages and disadvantages. The fact that you can likely “meet” more people online than off does translate into more rejection: again, that’s math. And the Internet probably makes for more colorful before/after bait/switch experiences, but that’s because of the built-in online -> real-life progression; that’s story structure, folks. (Said it before: you mean all the people you meet on singles hikes tell the truth from day 1?) So to throw the Internet babes out with the bathwater is, to put a fine point on it, just dumb. So, too, is — if you’re single and would like to change that — not making Internet dating part of a diversified meeting-people portfolio.

So, enough. I’m outta here. Because BG spends some of her time online, and some of her time “getting out there.” See?

(h/t The Awl)

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November 3, 2010

Facebook data: spring breakup?

Filed under: Holiday, blogs — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:13 am

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Well, it’s November 3. Are you, or have you ever been ditched by, a Halloweenie? Cindy Chupack once coined the term in order to designate (if BG recalls directly) folks who break up with their partners by October 31 in order to avoid (a) awkward family Thanksgiving dinners, and/or (b) buying gifts. (All while giving yourself plenty of time to find someone to smooch at New Year’s.) Boo!

But according to new (and highly imperfect, but still entertaining) data from Facebook (via Mashable), just because you made it through Halloween doesn’t mean you’re set for 2011. David McCandless and co.:

…scraped 10,000 status updates for the phrases “break up” and “broken up,” and made the following discoveries: 1). A ton of people break up before social occasions like Spring Break and the summer, 2). Mondays aren’t just the start of the work week — there’re the end of many a relationship, 3). People have the decency not to dump their significant others on Christmas Day.

Yah, but look at the graphic. While you’re safe on December 25, breakups appear to peak in the couple of weeks before, matching pre-spring break levels. If this is even somewhat accurate, I’m betting it’s not just about saving money on loot. It’s about the holidays feeling all cozy and meaningful and stuff. If you don’t feel cozy and meaningful with your S.O., you’re not going to look at them and feel all mistletoetastic. Forces the issue, in a way. You know? Fa la! What about you: any breakups precipitated by calendar events? (Or have you ever stayed together for the present, if you will?)

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April 3, 2009

Old Flames: Don’t Get Burned

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:31 am

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Reruns from February 2, 1998

Laura writes: I’m 36, divorced (for over five years), and have been seeing a great guy for four months. But last week, a guy I fell head over heels for a year ago came back into my life (after having moved away for a year). I really like the guy I’m seeing, but have never felt that “magic” with him — as so wonderfully talked about in “Sleepless In Seattle” in the attic scene with the old wedding dress. I did feel “magic” with Mr. Return.

My plan of action is to spend time with Mr. Return on a non-sexual, nothing but friends basis to see if there is, truly something there. I want to be fair to the guy I’m dating, as well as to my soul — after all, I so want to find my destiny, and believe that abiding love has that “magic.” Do you have any other ideas? Do I sound like I’m totally barking up the wrong tree? Your advice is most welcome.

Lois Lane writes: I’ve been married for seven years (not happily) and about a year ago I met up with my ex-boyfriend from high school. It was like we never broke up. My husband can provide for me with material things but not emotionally. On the other hand my ex is there for me emotionally, but not for material things. Should I divorce my husband or should I stay for the sake of the kids? I’m so sad!

(more…)

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