Filed under: Psychology — posted by Breakup Girl @ 5:45 am
We have all, at some point, watched a close friend vanish into the hurl-dorable vortex that is love. I know I have! And, of course, many of us have entered that vortex ourselves. One that may include (for instance) repairing one’s beloved’s only flaw — “You’ve never seen Buffy?!” — with an intensive marathon that also, necessarily, includes Angel. Then she/he is all, “You’ve never seen The Wire?!” and poof, you emerge months later into the sun, glassy-eyed, watching your back for vamps, and wondering where all your friends went.
Well, Buffy or no Buffy, the friend attrition that comes with love is definitely a thing, according to new research at Oxford University. In fact, they counted:
Oxford University researchers asked people about their inner core of friendships and how this number changed when romance entered the equation.
They found the core, which numbers about five people, dropped by two as a new lover came to dominate daily life.
“People who are in romantic relationships — instead of having the typical five [individuals] on average, they only have four in that circle,” explained Robin Dunbar, a professor of evolutionary anthropology at Oxford.
“And bearing in mind that one of those is the new person that’s come into your life, it means you’ve had to give up two others.”
But it doesn’t have to be this way, does it? On the one hand, you know, your friends don’t come on your honeymoon: even grudging single friends should allow their newly smitten compadres and compadrinas a grace period. It’s a thrilling, fizzy, heady time, and we need to give them that, just as we’d want them to “let” us have ours. On the other, folks, even if you find that special someone who “gives you everything” and “meets all your needs,” well, they don’t. They may be wonderful in every way — even a wonderful friend to you — but they’re not a full-on swap-in substitute for friend-friends. The bestest love relationships are those that enhance your lives and sense of connection to people and the world, and those in which you each have space and time to nurture your own, separate, friendships. So once you stop seeing those early-in-love stars, make sure you keep seeing your friends.
Check out this whole-series Buffy trailer, which made me wishsohard I had the entire thing to watch over again, for the first time. For those of you non-Buffcore fans following along at home, yes, the series ended in 2003. And yes, people are still making these trailers. Still. Shouldn’t they (um) get over it and move on? (They even had the chance to rebound with Angel! And then Cordelia was even on Veronica Mars, which was like Buffy without the undead!)
Eh, I don’t think so. Because — as our tipster said — “the fact that fans are still working this turf really speaks to the power of a beloved story and the ability of media to create a sense of family.” Might seem weird, yes, but it’s undeniable and therefore important. Related: Show of hands — how many of you have, as a beginning-of-relationship rite of passage (through probably not pass/fail like the football trivia quiz in Diner), re-watched all of Buffy just so your new loved one could, you know, “understand”?
She’s been plenty bizzy since, but we’re extra-super-excited about her next gig. (In fact, she’s one of the few people we’d trust with something so tricky-yet-potentially-excellent.) Via Variety:
Diane Keaton is attached to star in a series project in development at HBO revolving around a feminist icon who launches a sex mag for women.
The untitled series is among the first projects to come from Grady Twins Prods., the production company formed earlier this year by TV vets Marti Noxon (”Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) and Dawn Parouse Olmstead (”Prison Break”).
The duo is also working with helmer Guillermo del Toro and author Chuck Hogan on a smallscreen adaptation of their book trilogy “The Strain.”
The Keaton project stems from Noxon and Parouse Olmstead’s interest in exploring the legacy of the feminist movement of the 1970s. Keaton was taking meetings for a TV series project, and she responded to Noxon and Parouse Olmstead’s vision for a show featuring a Gloria Steinem-type character who tries to reignite interest in femme-centered activism by launching a porn mag for women.
Noxon is writing the script and will exec produce along with Parouse Olmstead. After Keaton signed on, the lead character was tailored to the thesp’s background and experiences.
“We really value her experience and outlook on the world,” Noxon said. “She’s incredibly frank and honest as an actress and as a person, yet she’s also extremely private. We really want to capture that in the show.”
The “Strain” book trilogy is a bioterror thriller with fangs, telling the story of an outbreak in the U.S. of a virus that either kills those who are exposed to it or turns them into vampires. The first of the series came out in June. The plan is to shop the TV project, envisioned as an event series unfolding over three seasons, early next year after the second book is released.
Noxon and Parouse Olmstead have long been friends and occasional collaborators on such projects as the 2004-05 season Fox mystery drama “Point Pleasant.”
With help from their reps at WME, the two decided to go it alone as partners in Grady Twins after years of working for large production entities. (The Grady Twins moniker is a nod to the murdered twin girls who haunt the Overlook Hotel in “The Shining.”)
The two put up their own coin for office space in L.A.’s Larchmont Village and got busy setting up projects. “We both felt like it was a good time to strike out and not be committed to any one place,” Parouse Olmstead said. “The business models for network TV and cable TV are changing. We see this as a moment of opportunity for a company like this.”
The duo’s first series to go into production is “Gigantic,” a drama set for debut in January on the Viacom-owned cabler TEENick (the new name for the N as of September). Show examines the world of celebrity culture by focusing on high-school age children of fictional celebs.
As evidenced by Grady Twins’ initial batch of projects, Noxon and Parouse Olmstead aim to cast a wide net as producers. And they’re committed to live by the maxim that “we don’t want to be doing anything that we don’t have a passion for,” Noxon said.
Noxon’s recent primetime credits include “Private Practice,” “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Mad Men.” Separate from her Grady Twins labors, she’s set to make her directing debut on the indie feature “Box City” for Mockingbird Pictures.
I recently watched Twilight for the first time and I couldn’t understand why Bella (Kristen Stewart, who I will always identify as the little boy in Panic Room) was attracted to Edward (Robert Pattinson) at all. But then, I’m a guy. I guess there was that saving-her-life thing. That’s sexy. But otherwise? He was kind of a mess of creepy affectations. And let’s not forget he’s really an old man.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer always did a good job of punching a hole in this kind of epic brooding, so maybe that ruined it for me. In fact, my reaction to the movie is perfectly captured in this well edited video mashup of Buffy Summers meeting Edward Cullen:
Cree-pee. I would stake him too. (And, boy, does he do a LOT of walking away.) And yet this is what passes for female-fantasy? Edward doesn’t seem any less creepy when Vicki Iovine at the Huffington Post tries to explain his appeal (in the books) in a vacuous and only barely self-aware piece on what she’s calling “mommy porn”:
I’m in the mood to see more people punched in the nose by a handsome hero. Perhaps the evolution of 21st century men into laptop toting, UFL-lit frequent fliers to further self-importance leaves many women hungering for a man who can cut down a tree, rebuild an engine and catch and gut a fish. And I want one of those kinds of guys handing out a few shiners to the girly men on my list: Bernie Madoff, Bill Clinton, Rush Limbaugh to name a few. Admit it, it felt good to see someone punch Perez Hilton, didn’t it?
To all those guys — myself included — asking “why do women date assholes?” I think her piece inadvertently holds the answer.
BG has long maintained that breakups are the messy stuff of life, not the sloppy kiss of death. For one thing, most relationships really do leave us enriched in some way that may outlive the romance: we get to know a new neighborhood, acquire a hobby, finally understand — when our squeeze subjects us to a Buffy marathon conversion process — what all the fuss is about. Why, from one old flame BG learned to snowboard and to change a tire (using a jack, not super-strength); from another, I got art history, and rage. I KID.
But what about those of us lucky (and smart) enough to have swooned for a good cook? (Or, in other news, cooked for a good swoon?) The honeymoon may have ended, but his/her honey-glazed salmon lives on … in your repertoire. Enter (via a friendly tipster) The Ex-Boyfriend Cookbook: They Came, They Cooked, They Left (But We Ended Up with Some Great Recipes),
which, yes, is a cookbook, but not of the To Serve Man variety. The authors: “‘God,’ we’d find ourselves saying, ‘he made the most incredible vinaigrette….”. It’s a couple of years old, but I’m sure it, and Ezra’s Sticky Chicken, will stand the recipe-test of time.
And while we’re at it, dish: Have any of your relationships, even the less savory ones, yielded delicious results like these?
If the latter, at least we’ve always had fantasy families to lean on: the Huxtables, the Wilders, the late great Joyce Summers. So please enjoy, at Babble.com, this list of — and homage to — the 25 Best Fictional Parents.
One thing singles tell me a lot is that they enjoy singlehood, they really do — and that they would enjoy it even more if they knew, for super-sure guarantee, that it also had an end date. Well, one new movie — starring BG imaginary BFF Emma Caulfield as a gal named Oona – uses machine-as-metaphor to make that fantasy real. It’s TiMER, in which women and men may choose to be implanted with a device that counts down the days, minutes, and seconds until they meet The One. But Oona’s timer is blank. So what will she do? Like the rest of us in the real world, will she have to just “just know”?
From the trailer, TiMER looks like a sweet sci-fi wrapped in a chick-flick tied with a careful-what-you-wish-for bow. And since what we’ve been wishing for is the return of Emma Caulfield, we’re not gonna be careful at all. (Now if we could just know for sure when — or if — it’ll go into wide release.)