Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:38 am
Dear Breakup Girl,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7.5 years now, and he recently proposed to me. We love each other very much, and want to be together forever. However, we are having a great deal of trouble planning our wedding. We both want to get married sooner rather than later, and we both would like to have certain people and pastor present.
That’s where it gets tricky. The pastor who we want to marry us is moving away [in a month and a half]. Unfortunately, he will be unable to return before next August, or September. Gordon and I would both like to be married well before then. We were hoping to get married in February. So, because none of our plans were working for February, we briefly discussed changing the date to December (this December). Everything has fallen into place beautifully, except for one detail. I had mentioned to Gordon’s sister that the wedding was “so far” being planned for February. So she bought plane tickets for the February date. Now that we have moved the date, she is very unhappy with us. They live about a seven-hour drive away, so it’s not too bad (for Canada). Her husband is a retail manager, and work is very busy before Christmas. It is very unlikely that he will be able to get time off in early December. However, she (Gordon’s sister) is able to come, and yet seems unwilling to take the time off work.
I’m a sixteen-year-old girl who had been in a relationship for 1 and half years with my “first love.” First I’ll tell you a little about our relationship. I meet him my first day of high school (he’s a year older). He was the sweetest person in the world. I was the total b*tch. He tried everything to win my heart. We became very close friends and he never gave up the chase to win me over. Finally after denying to myself for 7 months that I also cared about him, we hooked up. The relationship has always been bumpy. Mainly because were two teenagers trying to find ourselves. See, he was a total nerd when I first met him. He let everyone walk all over him. Now he has totally changed his attitude and look. We have the same exact friends. We have only gone out on two dates out entire one-and–half-year relationship. We mainly just hang out with each other in a big group of our friends.
This past summer he totally changed. Started smoking pot every weekend, started pulling away from me. I’ve been a “bad girl” in the past. I’ve done my share drugs to see what it does to people. I’ve even had friends die because of their habits. But I learned my lesson and have stayed away from drugs, except for the occasional beer, shot, etc. Another thing is I’m in a really tough part of my life. I live with my mother, stepfather and my two half-brothers. My family has never lived in the same place for more than 3 years. Because of this, I don’t have many friends and I’m a really quiet shy person. I’ve spent the past five months going to doctors, having test done to figure out my ongoing health problems. My family lives in PA; the rest of our family lives in MN. My family is losing my grandmother to Alzheimer’s. And I still can’t get over my grandfather’s death, even though it was four years ago. I really need my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) right now, but all he cares about is going out and partying. I know it’s his senior year but I really need him. See, I don’t really have any friends and he’s the pretty much the only person I can trust. But I don’t trust him when he gets high and goes out with his friends. WE had always hung out together and now he just wants to hang out with the boys. And that means going to parties where’s there’s drugs, and other girls. I guess I’m hurt that he doesn’t want to spend any more time with me. I know I’ve been a b*tch, but I have improved a lot. I don’t know what to do. He has always been my security and now he’s not there. Granted we’ve only been broken up for a week, but we’ve been broken up before. He always seems to come back, but now I don’t know if he is going to. It’s really hard to love someone so much and then all of a sudden they tell you that there’s nothing left anymore. He also has had a tough life. He works 11 hours a day during the summer and has to give his paycheck to his family. His mother is extremely strict and set in her ways. His family is pretty much poor because of a heavy debt. I know he is in the process of finding himself. I’ve also been his first kiss, first real girlfriend, etc. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so lost and all I need is him right now. I’m sorry for rambling on and on. Thank you for listening.
I have been dating this girl Meaghan for 1 month. When we went out clubbing the other night her brother Zach came too. That was cool, cause I am friends with him, I have noticed that Meaghan and Zach are close which is good, but tell me if this is something to be concerned about….
If you were watching us in the club that night you would have thought that they were a couple and not Meaghan and I, first they were talking to each other all night long and not really involving me in their conversation — that was ok, they are Bro & Sis. Then they walked together, held hands, gave each other hugs and even pecked each other on the cheek here and there!!! During all of this I received no affection at all. THEN Meaghan saw some friends and they came over to us, and she goes, “This is my brother Zach”…and then continued blabbing with them without bothering to intoduce me, like I wasn’t even there!And I was standing next to Zach. That was it for me, I left them, got a drink and went mingling. What the heck would you think was going on? YEAH, I know…Their family seems close…REALLY close!!! Do you think I’m just paranoid? I live with my sister and I love her to bits, but Meaghan and Zach seem to give me the willies…Would I be a dick for breaking up with her? And how exactly would I do that without implying anything? Thanks –
Where to start? I’ll just tell you everything and your editors can cut it down.
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 9 months now. We still are, I think. He is oh, so wonderful! We have been best friends for a lot longer than that. In a month we move in together when we go back to school. (Since we were best friends, we filled out a lease for an apartment before we were a couple, each thinking the other didn’t want to go out with us.) We are now two states away, due to summer vacation from college. We had the perfect relationship when we were together. We had all of our classes together, so we would study together and hang out together basically 24/7. We were both dreading the time when we would have to leave. This is the most serious relationship I have ever been in. He told his MOM that he thought I was THE ONE. (That seems like a big step to me…) He admits that he thought that we would last forever, and I agreed.
My girlfriend of nearly a year and I broke up about a month ago. For the month before, we had been having problems and decided to be “friends” (meaning that we still spent a lot of time around each other, but avoided anything too physical), but could date other people, providing we told the other person. She went out with someone else, and did not say anything, and I found out somewhat accidentally. We got in a big fight, and childishly didn’t speak to each other for two weeks. To make a very long story short (or try), she can’t see the guy for legal reasons (she’s an instructor at one school, he’s a senior in high school at another in the same district), and while she still talks to him, that’s about all. We are both at the same college, in the same department, with the same emphasis, so we see each other at least a couple hours a day, five days a week. Plus we have the same circle of friends, etc. We agreed to try and be friends, slowly, considering the amount of trust that had been lost between us. We had been best friends before we dated, and didn’t want to totally lose each other. The problem comes in that we can’t seem to decide how to deal with each other. One week, she’s very friendly and flirty, until I think she’s getting too close, the next week, vice versa. I guess my basic question is, what the h*** is going on? Oh, to add to this sticky situation, I’m good friends with her closest sister, something of a big brother to her only brother, and her dad is my future landlord. Exactly how screwed am I?
Check out this whole-series Buffy trailer, which made me wishsohard I had the entire thing to watch over again, for the first time. For those of you non-Buffcore fans following along at home, yes, the series ended in 2003. And yes, people are still making these trailers. Still. Shouldn’t they (um) get over it and move on? (They even had the chance to rebound with Angel! And then Cordelia was even on Veronica Mars, which was like Buffy without the undead!)
Eh, I don’t think so. Because — as our tipster said — “the fact that fans are still working this turf really speaks to the power of a beloved story and the ability of media to create a sense of family.” Might seem weird, yes, but it’s undeniable and therefore important. Related: Show of hands — how many of you have, as a beginning-of-relationship rite of passage (through probably not pass/fail like the football trivia quiz in Diner), re-watched all of Buffy just so your new loved one could, you know, “understand”?
A tribute to the dear departed quirktastic Idol with a voice even bigger than her glasses.
1. Siobhan pre-Idol (say what?), in a reality web-series (come again?) about the making of her high-school’s Oz show (really??) in which she hints at family tragedy (no!!!!) and how she has to care for her little sisters (awwww!!). (This will explain her emotion on the April 6 show.)
2. Siobhan did go to college at Salem State (not making it into Berklee) (Yet Ashley Rodriguez did?), but dropped out after a semester. Her mom was laid off from the bookstore and Siobhan became the primary breadwinner. This pre-top-24 interview makes it sound like dinner is not always a certainty in the Magnus household.
The filmmaker Naftali Beane Rutter — a dear friend of mine! — has a screening of his documentary film “Today” on April 7th at 6pm, the closing night of the New Filmmakers 2010 Spring Festival at Anthology Film Archives. Here, via a kindly-provided screener, is a sneak peek…see you there in a few hours!
“Today” is a poignant look at three families as they continue the simple task of living in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The Blaise, Stanich and McPeak families differ in race, religion and socio-economic class, yet have other profound commonalities. In spite of Katrina, the families remain more or less intact, with parents and children in the same household. The mothers, Alice, Sissy and Lore, form the backbone of each family, running things at home while the husbands work. While “Today” addresses the common roles and identities forged by motherhood, it also offers a delicate portrayal of how each woman makes motherhood her own.
As we get to know the Blaises, we feel at home with the ease and comfort they exude through their interactions. Being a family of six and living in a FEMA trailer is certainly not an ideal situation, yet Alice encourages her children to learn all they can, get an education, and pursue their dreams, even if those dreams include driving a bus. Alice’s impressive joy and hope reveal themselves as she cares for her children and in the brief moments she interacts with her husband and another family member, Uncle Lewis.
Similar to the Blaises, the Stanich family consists of five people also sharing one small living space: one room of a house Angelo Stanich, Sr. has been hired to repair. Katrina destroyed the Stanich’s home forcing them to move from Elmer, LA, to Alexander, LA and now finally to Holy Cross. They, too, had a stint in a FEMA trailer. Angelo, Sr. is present and participates in the lives of the children, but the main task of raising the children is thrust on Sissy as she navigates through the chaos that has become their lives.
In comparison to the Blaises and the Stanich’s, on the surface, the McPeaks seem rather untouched by Katrina. Lore runs with her headphones, does yoga in a park and gives mani-pedis in her work studio behind their home. Unlike the Blaise and Stanich families, the McPeaks’ world and their home have not changed much since Katrina. Lore’s world is comprised of conversations regarding farmers’ markets, designer paints and boat services. Robert and Lore have their 19th anniversary coming up, but there is a sadness to Lore. Of the three families, the McPeaks seem to be the most economically sound and stable, yet these resources only serve to point out what is missing — namely, Robert at the dinner table with his family. Robert works 12 hour shifts as a volunteer police officer and when home is often distant. Whereas the Blaises and the Staniches eat and pray together and fill their homes with the bustling of family life, the McPeak household is echoingly silent.
“Today” is essentially a portrait of how our interpersonal relationships and connections sustain us, particularly in times of loss and hardship. While there are questions I’m left asking about each of these families, the film draws us in to the nuanced rhythms of their lives. So, see the film and tell us what you think.
Neenah Pickett set herself this goal: find a husband in 52 weeks. And no, as Lemondrop reports, she didn’t find the proverbial ONE — yet! — but to say she spent a whole year looking for love and not finding it negates all that she did find.
From the sound of it, Neenah actually did find love in many places -– in the support of a community that rallied behind her efforts, and in a new-found knowledge of herself. Love, after all, doesn’t just come in one form. Non-romantic love can be as significant as the romantic kind. While marriage and family are worthy endeavors that do require effort to establish and sustain, to look to each as a goal or something to be achieved in X amount of time doesn’t leave room for spontaneity or for the unexpected joys along the way.
What next? “Pickett has actually vowed to take a break from dating in 2010,” Lemondrop notes. “But she still believes love is out there.” With all of her new knowledge, let’s hope Neenah doesn’t pursue non-dating in 2010 as rigorously as she pursued a husband in 2009. If love is out there, you might not need to pursue it daily, or even weekly, but you’ve got to at least be open to it.