Filed under: Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:32 am
You’ve seen — and sniggered at — the 1930s marital test. (How far we’ve come! OH WAIT.)
Now, courtesy of Magatsu.net, you can take it, all interactive-like, yourself. (Though I’m pretty sure it’s a built-in fail. I mean, taking a test by yourself? On the computer? Way too independent. Next thing you know they’ll want an online DIVORCE.)
The endless obsession with how women are going to die alone because they have brains and casual sex [and "post-feminist" "freedom" --BG] has truly become the gift that keeps on giving. Mix one part college student sample, a few scattered inconsistent findings based on loosely correlated “evidence,” sweeping generalizations reinforcing female anxiety around mating and some slut-shaming for good measure and voila, you have yourself “relationship advice” from a “doctor.” The CNN health blog writes about a new book, Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying, by none other than “get married early” Mark Regenerus and sociologist Jeremy Ueker.
CNN concludes from a precursory look at the book men have the upper hand in the sexual economy. This is not because women are judged based on their promiscuity or lack thereof in a way that men rarely are or because men face pressure to have casual sex like a stud and deny their romantic feelings for relationships. Or because when you are a woman between 18-23 male attention and the desire to “be in a relaysh” has more impact on your self esteem then say when you are a 30-somethinger like me. Or maybe because by 23, you still don’t know what you want out of a relationship. No, no, men have the upper hand in sex and dating because women have too much freedom, sex and education. [See CNN file photo w/article, left, of young woman relishing her freedom.]
[CNN:] Researchers found that since women in the 18- to 23-year-old group feel they don’t need men for financial dependence, many of them feel they can play around with multiple partners without consequence, and that the early 20s isn’t the time to have a serious relationship. But eventually, they do come to want a real, lasting relationship. The problem is that there will still be women who will have sex readily without commitment, and since men know this, fewer of them are willing to go steady. [Go steady? - BG]
“Women have plenty of freedom, but freedom does not translate easily into getting what you want,” Regnerus said. ["So maybe you don't need it so much. At least not if you want a man." -- BG]
Though it’s not based entirely on fiction, it’s rife with unexamined assumptions. Bottom line, if women no longer need men then why would they be competing for men? Feh.
Bonus: Good stuff on men being humans! With feelings! here.
Whether withdrawal of consent is what actually happened here is impossible to tell, so I’m not suggesting that Assange is a rapist or that these charges are 100% definitely on-point; I have no idea. But neither do the commentators who are saying that Assange did nothing more than have sex without a condom. And it’s important to counter the “haha sex by surprise those crazy Swedes” media narrative with the fact that actually, non-consensual sex is assault and should be recognized as such by law. Consenting to one kind of sexual act doesn’t mean that you consent to anything else your partner wants to do; if it’s agreed that the only kind of sex we’re having is with a condom, then it does remove an element of consent to have sex without a condom with only one partner’s knowledge. To use another example, if you and your partner agree that you can penetrate her, it doesn’t necessarily follow that she has the green light to penetrate you whenever and however.
I’m not particularly interested in debating What Assange Did or Whether Assange Is A Rapist, and I’d appreciate it if we could steer clear of that in the comments section. Rather, I’m interested in pushing back on the primary media narrative about this case, which is that women lie and exaggerate about rape, and will call even the littlest thing — a broken condom! — rape if they’re permitted to under a too-liberal feminist legal system. In fact, there are lots of good reasons to support consent-based sexual assault laws, and to recognize that consent goes far beyond “yes you can put that in here now.” It’s a shame that the shoddy, sensationalist reporting on this case have muddied those waters.
We just spotted this few-weeks-old-but-still-compelling post from LemonDrop: it’s a lovely meditation on designing a wedding that reflects the authentic values of an adult relationship, rather than trotting out cliches that may no longer be age- or couple-appropriate.
One of the traditions this smart bride (writer Virginia Sole-Smith) eschews is the whole “walk me down the aisle and give me away like I’m chattel” business. She’s not the first, only, or last to do this, of course, but she’s especially eloquent about this and other decisions. Congratulations on your equal marriage, Ms. Sole-Smith!
A tribute to the dear departed quirktastic Idol with a voice even bigger than her glasses.
1. Siobhan pre-Idol (say what?), in a reality web-series (come again?) about the making of her high-school’s Oz show (really??) in which she hints at family tragedy (no!!!!) and how she has to care for her little sisters (awwww!!). (This will explain her emotion on the April 6 show.)
2. Siobhan did go to college at Salem State (not making it into Berklee) (Yet Ashley Rodriguez did?), but dropped out after a semester. Her mom was laid off from the bookstore and Siobhan became the primary breadwinner. This pre-top-24 interview makes it sound like dinner is not always a certainty in the Magnus household.
Way back in sheesh, 1999, long before we could embed video, we (specifically, Mikki Halpin) reviewed FOBG Sarah Jacobson’s Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More, “an amazing coming-of-age story…about the slow, sputtering start of sexuality and self-awareness.” (More: “You thought the sex-in-a-car scene in Titanic was hot? Wait until you see this one! Not to mention the masturbation scenes, the sex-in-a-graveyard scene, the how-I-lost-my-virginity-scenes, the coming-out scene, and the “What is a clitoris?” speech. Plus comedic relief from Jello Biafra!”) Tragically, the brilliant Sarah died in 2004 at the age of 32.
Now — tomorrow, in fact — in Sarah’s much-celebrated memory, Mikki and friends present:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FABULOUS SARAH JACOBSON
An evening to honor DIY filmmaker Sarah Jacobson
And a benefit for the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant
February 15, 2010
7 pm doors, 8 pm show
Glasslands Gallery, Brooklyn, NY
On Monday, February 15, 2010, filmmakers, punk rockers, feminists, and musicians will gather to remember filmmaker Sarah Jacobson (1970–2004). The evening will include an appearance from Sarah’s mother Ruth Jacobson, and her sister Lee Jacobson. There is a $5 suggested donation at the door, and all proceeds will go to the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant, which supports independent young women filmmakers.
Sarah Jacobson (1971–2004) was a a filmmaker who wrote, produced, and directed several movies in the 1990s, including “Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More” and “I Was a Teenage Serial Killer.” Sarah’s films reflected her punk sensibilities, her feminist beliefs, and her dedication to DIY principles. She and her mother Ruth Jacbson brought “Mary Jane” to the 1997 Sundance festival, and it was named by Film Threat as one of the “25 Underground Films You Must See.” Sarah was active in the music scene and directed several music videos, including one for Man… or Astroman? She died in 2004 at the age of 32.
After her death, filmmaker Sam Green and Sarah’s mother established the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant for young women “whose work embodies some of the things that Sarah stood for: a fierce DIY approach to filmmaking, a radical social critique, and a thoroughly underground sensibility.” Since 2004, the grant has been awarded to eight filmmakers: Marie Losier, Natasha Mendonca, Kara Herold, Gretchen Hogue, Joanna Dery, Vanessa Renwick, Ellen Lake, and Veronica Majano.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Sarah Jacobson” will celebrate Sarah’s life and work. It also launches the grant cycle for 2010 and information about applying for the grant will be available at the event and on the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant website.
The evening will begin with a short screening of samples of previous grant winners and two of Sarah’s short films. Filmmaker Barbara Hammer and Sarah’s mother Ruth will then speak and introduce “Mary Jane’s Not a Virgin Any More.” The evening will also include video tributes from Sarah’s fans and friends including Kathleen Hanna, Allison Anders, Tamra Davis, Sam Green, George Kuchar, Michelle Handelman, and Craig Baldwin.
Glasslands is located at 289 Kent Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11211
[L] to Bedford, [J] to Marcy
Is it cold in here, or is it just misogyny? “It’s not healthy to be a female character in comics,” notes writer and comic book fangirl Gail Simone, compiler of a grim list called Women In Refrigerators. Refrigerators? Refrigerators. And we’re not (necessarily) talking about women who are experts in cryogenic engineering.
The story: One day a while back, Simone began to realize that most of her favorite female superheroes wound up de-powered, raped, or cut up and stuffed in a refrigerator. Granted, they’re superheros, so they’re in the line of fire, but still. The particular punishments and demises, she observed, appeared to be particularly cruel and disproportionate. So Simone started to make a list of all the female superheroes she knew and what had become of them. Circulated through e-mail and bulletin board systems, the WiR list grew to reflect the contributions and reactions of fans along with responses from some professional creators about their chosen plot devices.
The list doesn’t attempt to catalog the vast list of wives and girlfriends who suffer at the hands of Women in Refrigerator syndrome, described as, “WiR referring to a female character’s death having no real lasting impact or importance to the writer after the initial incident.”
As a comic fan and superhero sidekick, I find this pile of evidence depressing. Are breakups really too rough for superheroes to handle? Why is it easier to devise these ghastly ways to make women go away?
“Experts say teens may be inclined to be sympathetic to Brown because of his popularity and the ‘normalization of violence’ in pop culture. ‘(Chris Brown) is or had been promoted as the kid next door, he was familiar and likeable,’ said [Deborah] Collins-Gousby, who works for Casa Myrna-Vazquez, a Boston-based anti-violence organization that operates a 24-hour teen violence hotline and a citywide outreach program. ‘Among teens, I think their first reaction was, well, what did she do to deserve a beating that significant?’”
The right question to ask, of course, is, “Who says anyone ‘deserves’ a beating?” The attitude captured in these surveys speaks to a disturbing misunderstanding of and desensitization to violence, “dating” and otherwise. That said, I also think there’s some interesting, if misguided, feminism at work underneath: the sense that today’s young women are now too strong to be mere “victims.” It’s utterly wrong-headed in this context, yes, and the “silver lining,” such as it is, is tarnished by the incident that brought it all up. But: no one in this conversation is about to call women “the weaker sex.” And that, in its own twisted way, is progress.