October 7, 2010
Charles Atlas meets the 97-pound weakling meets that guy who’s so handsome he never really had to develop a personality meets … well, many, many women in Japan. It’s Charisma Man! I’m pretty sure the images of Japanese culture are reductive, if not offensive, but (as you’ll see) the underlying notion that the same person can be different people to different people — follow me? — is spot on. What do you think?
May 6, 2010
If you think hot monkey love comes easily to primates, think again. Chimps–whose human-like use of an array of tools has long been known to primatologists–have been observed in the field using leaves in sort of a strip tease to attract sex partners.
What are the implications for Breakup Girl readers? Well, no implications, really, just an excuse to run a blog post about chimps. And this goofball graphic.
January 13, 2010
“…Rescued My Sex Life.” Here we have an example of a title that will get BG reading. Add the byline Diane Farr — she of superawesome tough-and-sweetness on Rescue Me (also, Numb3rs) — and I’m not looking away.
Farr wrote a nice essay in this month’s Marie Claire (put it onLINE, you guys!) about how utterly harmless, goal-less, going-nowhere-but-still-fizzy flirtation on the set of Californication — including but not limited to getting paid to make out with David Duchovny over and over and over and over … I’m sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so she makes out with DD and exchanges sweet-nothing-at-alls with ScruffyCute Craft Services Kid, and all of a sudden she remembers that there IS sex life after three kids under the age of two.
“The days pressed on, and between makeouts, David and I said the same cute, cuddly lines to one another over and over for various camera angles, further reawakening the girly laughter that had often escaped me pre-babies. I’d go a round with David, then go chat up Work Crush [still wearing Hot Dress from Wardrobe], and after two minutes, I’d feel guilty, call my husband, and flirt with him, too. He didn’t know why I was so full of laughter, nor did he care. ‘You’re funny and sexy, and I really missed that,’ he said. And like that, I was his girl again.”
Nicely played, Ms. Farr. It’s so important — whether you’re taken or single — to live life on the Flirtation Continuum. Not to lead people on; not to go where you shouldn’t. But to allow yourself to connect with (most of) the full spectrum of feelings and connections between people, to remind yourself you still got it, to feel like the world is still full of buzz and sparkle and possibility, for all your relationships.
She should know, though, that Duchovny was, very likely, thinking of me.
, Diane Farr
, making out
, Marie Claire
, Rescue Me
, the Flirtation Continuum
, the spark
, TV crushes
December 24, 2009
Oh noes! Flirty messages from old flames are troubling enough to current spouses, but for some married people, the temptation of having all your old flames just a click away may be too much. Divorce attorneys are reporting now that at least 1 in 5 divorce petitions cite Facebook as proof of an affair or inappropriate behavior.
We get emails from people worried about IM and text messages from exes, which certainly isn’t new, so as easy as Facebook makes it to reconnect with old flames, it’s no surprise that those inclined to stray are finding it easier to do so with more people, more often.
“The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to,” says Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce-Online, in the Telegraph UK article reporting these findings.
Some cheaters are flaunting their misbehavior, and even informing their jilted spouse of their impending divorce by updating their relationship status.
While I believe that it’s possible to be platonic, mutually respectful friends with exes, I can also empathize with those who really kinda hate Facebook. Hate how ghosts of nightmares past seem to come back from the grave complete with slutty profile picture and a comment for everything that’s said and done, and how “it’s just Facebook, it doesn’t matter” starts to sound pretty weak when every word has an audience of hundreds or thousands.
December 14, 2009
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn advises a Confused Soul who is wondering if she can make things work with a guy she met online that is an admitted online flirt. In fact, they broke up over it, but now …
Now it seems he wants to revive things with me. He says he never cheated on me or really liked anyone. He says he talks to tons of girls during a typical week but that doesn’t mean anything.
Should she give him another shot? Read the letter at Happen along with Lynn’s advice, then come back here to comment!
October 8, 2009
STUDY: The sexual overperception bias: Evidence of a systematic bias in men from a survey of naturally occurring events
ABSTRACT: According to error management theory (Haselton & Buss, 2000), natural selection will often produce adaptively biased systems of judgment, even when these systems produce more errors than alternative designs. In a study of naturally occurring events, evidence of one such bias in men—the sexual overperception bias—was documented. Women (n=102) and men (n=114) reported past experiences in which a member of the opposite sex erroneously inferred their sexual interest. Women reported significantly more false-positive errors committed by men than false-negative errors. Men reported roughly equal numbers of false-positive and false-negative errors committed by women, suggesting no bias in women’s sexual inferences. Several within-sex predictors of misperceptions were identified; for example, individuals high in self-perceived mate value reported more false-positive inferences by others than did individuals lower in mate value.
TRANSLATION. “She totally wants me.”
MARGIN OF ERROR: That other guy. The one who’s all, “I know she’s always calling and bringing me muffins and offering to drive me to the airport and all, but I’m pretty sure she thinks of me only as a friend.”
August 21, 2009
Flirting with disaster on February 23, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
Why is it okay for dudes to flirt with all kinds of gals but when a gal does it they think we’re hooches?
Oh, because there’s been this idea since the dawn of history that there’s not enough room in Western Civilization, in the Garden of Eden, or wherever, for both men and women to have sexual experience and power. Because, in a broad psychological/biological sense, it’s a little nerve-wracking to have no real way of knowing if you’re the dad. Because the more sown your oats, the more alpha your malehood. Because … oh, Breakup Girl could go on for hours. Those are just a few of the many reasons why it’s “okay.”
But it is NOT OKAY.
And gals: you are SO not off the hook. Yeah, you complain about guys who are “players,” but you still hook up with them. You also call your sistahs hooches, sluts and hos — when what you really mean is “Damn, I wanted him!” or “I hope I look cool in front of the guys when I agree with them.” You are not helping.
Homework for everyone: Read Promiscuities by Naomi Wolf. Not a flawless book, but it’ll (a) answer your question, (b) make you feel bad about what you should feel bad about, and (c) make you not feel bad about what you shouldn’t feel bad about.
August 19, 2009
Getting “friendly” on February 23, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for five months; he’s 17, I’m 16. Things were giong really well until I noticed how “friendly” he is with other girls. He says he loves me,and I truly know that he does, it’s just that he cannot seem to stop “flirting” with other girls. I am his first serious relationship and he was used to having a lot of close friends, but whenever I am present or not, he playfully frolics around with their hair and their clothes and I don’t think it is appropriate! Maybe he just likes attention, but it drives me insane! I don’t want to have to break up with him over it, but he also creates these double standards where he gets jealous if I even receive e-mail from another guy. What should I do?
– Feeling Betrayed
July 28, 2009
Huh. Quoth our tipster:”Geez, I remember when the ‘Ms. Taken’ trend was going by its previous name, ‘The cubic zirconia from Dillard’s.’”
PS Video is NSFM*.
July 27, 2009
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I have a confession to make. I am a text-holic. And now that I have unlimited messaging on my iPhone, I have made it my mission to get my money’s worth. I use it to send quick messages to people I don’t really want to talk to. I use it to convey important information when talking on the phone isn’t practical. (i.e. “Movie starts @ 7:15. See u there,” from staff meeting) And I use it to flirt.
Clearly I’m not alone. At least, you know, not in one sense. Text-flirting is sufficiently popular — and landmine-laden — to have spawned not only the unseemly neologism “flirtexting,” but also the book Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart and more Web sites than you can shake a rotary phone at.
But of all the tips available — including these new ones from Your Tango — the most important is this: Do not text while under the influence. I have sent out more mortifying texts than I care to remember.
Fortunately, friends don’t let friends text tipsy. My roommate has actually taken to giving me her phone at the start of a girl’s night out with the admonishment, “No matter how hard I beg for this back. DO NOT GIVE IT TO ME!” It’s the same category of bad as drunk dialing, only somehow so much worse as it’s down in the written word, memorialized for all the world to see, and undeniable in the sober light of morning. And likely full of typos.
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