Getting unstuck on October 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Right before I started seeing my girlfriend she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Her previous relationship was totally dysfunctional and she had so many problems with the a**hole. They shared an apartment for five months, which probably sped up the end of their relationship.

She’s very happy with our relationship and it’s dynamite. It just keeps getting better and better. The only problem is that she keeps brinigng up her ex. Every once in a while she gets all weepy like she’s miserable, and says that if he would come back to her then the pain she has will go away. Isn’t that completely messed up?!

I’m going totallly insane. I keep telling her that time is the answer, there are no other solutions. What should I do? I can’t leave her. Will this end? Her obsession with the breakup aftermath is becoming mine. Help!

— Cornelius

Dear Cornelius,

You are right about many things, wrong about one big one. Is her aftermath now yours? Yep. Is this completely messed up? You betcha. Is “time” the only solution? Hell, no. You guys are going to need something way stronger.

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Green with ectoplasm on October 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has a lot of female “just friends.” One is his old girlfriend who is a basket case and seems to always need rescuing. I know it’s her way of “keeping him.” I do trust that he doesn’t want to be with her romantically but he’s never introduced us and I totally resent that they are perpetuating this relationship. I think she calls him about three times a week and he only admits to speaking with her “once in a while.” He didn’t want to upset me since he knows I sometimes show jealousy (mild) about his female friends. He claims he’s never been as close to anyone as he is me. And that he loves me and respects me deeply. Am I being stupid for not putting my foot down about his ex?

How should I handle the fact that he has so many “just friends?” I’m currently taking some time away from him so he is ready to do some degree of listening to get me back. Though he hates to feel cornered. Help.

— Jealous

Dear Jealous,

First of all, I have to say that it’s not a bad idea on your boyfriend’s part not to introduce you to his ex. It may in fact be quite politic. New girlfriends and old girlfriends, especially when each has a case of “jealousy (mild),” and “basket,” respectively, go together like oil and water (hot). You actually want to meet her? To what end? So you can see “Practical Magic” and go out for pink drinks and bond? So you can smile nicely and be the stable, non-single one? I can think of way more productive things to do with your life, such as learning how to make the perfect vinaigrette.

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