The Predicament of the Week from July 20, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I love your column and enjoy browsing your advice. Now I’m in need of some myself.
Boy of My Dreams (BOMD) dumped me last week. Here’s the history. We’ve been together 10 months. Happy, happy, on both sides. We did well at overcoming the inevitable relationship obstacles and enjoyed the time we had together. About two months ago, a betrayal of trust occurred…but it wasn’t what you might think. BOMD lied to me, and I caught him at it. It was a whopper, but really, no serious harm occurred, except to the trust between us. I took some time away for a few days and reevaluated. I decided the relationship was worth it to me. What I didn’t do was forgive him, address why this betrayal occurred, and move on. Another month later, I was still holding this incident against him. BOMD’s frustration with this state of affairs caused him to break up with me. I panicked, realized I hadn’t done my part to get on with things, and convinced him to give it another chance. Which we both wholeheartedly did. So over the last month of the relationship, I did forgive him, I did think about why it happened, and made great efforts to improve our relationship. It worked like a charm. It was easy. We were happy and enjoying each other’s company, and life was good. BOMD admits he was as happy in our relationship as I was.
Here’s the clinker. After a fun evening out with friends, I coyly asked BOMD to come stay at my house…and kind of had to talk him into it. The next morning, I said “You know, it isn’t the end of the world, but my feelings were a little hurt that you wouldn’t want to end such a fun evening with me. But this relationship isn’t a prison — if you need to be away then I’m glad you were honest about it.” Then it all came out.