Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:05 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn hears from Marty, who had a terrific first date, but hasn’t heard from the woman since.
As the date was ending, she told me she had a good time with me and that she’d like to go out with me again in a few nights. I went home on Cloud Nine thinking that she was every bit into me as I was into her. I’ve not heard from her since.
Is the woman being coy, or is she just not that into him? Did Marty misread things, or should he pursue this further? Read his full account at Happen Magazine, along with Lynn’s thoughts, then add to the conversation in the comments below!
There’s this guy I dated — saw him on a Monday — it goes well and I really like him so we date again the following day, he asks me to call him so we gab on the phone Wednesday and Thursday for like forever, we see each other again on a Friday and he gets to spend the night at my house. During this time I am beginning to go crazy over him. Then suddenly on Saturday morning, he decides to go, telling me “I’ll call you.” The call doesn’t come — on Saturday nor on Sunday. I decide to call Sunday and invite him to dinner and 30 minutes prior to the appointed time that Sunday evening he cancels, saying he has to take his mom to some sick friend’s house — and again there’s the “I’ll call you” at the end. I give him a call on Monday, talk a bit, no mention made about the dinner I COOKED and at the end, he says it again — “I’ll call you.” What do you think this “I’ll call you” thing means? Is that doublespeak for “go away, get out of my face, I don’t want to see you again?” Help, because I’m finding myself falling for this guy (I dare NOT call it love; I think it’s infatuation, but when I get this … I get hit BADLY). More power to ya.
At the risk of legalistic hair-splitting: he said he’d call, but he didn’t say when. And you didn’t give him a chance.He leaves Saturday, and what, you expect him to call from his car phone while he’s still in the driveway? Come on. This whole affair has gone way faster than the speed of sound — the sound of a ringing phone, that is. You may have met-him-on-a-Monday-and-your-heart-stood-still, but y’all moved forward pretty quickly — contact every day, then da doo ron ron on Friday? Yee! Now look, Breakup Girl does hear about all sorts of relationships that start out like, “He came by to tune my piano … and he never left.” Fine. But those miracles tend to be mutual. You, on the other hand — you said it yourself — get infatuated.
And listen up: as intoxicating as infatuation may be, you know what else is really fun? The divine agony of … waiting. Of letting things build up. Of wanting wanting wanting what you can’t have … until next week. Of finally hearing the ringing phone sing, “Someone’s thinking of you!” I am not suggesting that you should play coy/hard-to-get as, like, a tactic. I’m suggesting that taking it slower is more delicious and satisfying for you, that it’s a way of letting yourself fall good and hard … for someone who’s gonna be there to catch you. Even when he’s got a bottle of wine and a baguette — to go with your yummy dinner — in his other hand.
Here’s the scenario: I recently started dating this guy and he is extremely nice, and funny, and good to me…when he’s with me. Sometimes two or three days pass without a single phone call, and yet he “bounces” back and is right back to being Mr. Wonderful after these disappearances occur. I know the theory is to leave a man be during this “time to himself” but is this normal in a new relationship? I hope I’m not in denial, ignoring obvious signs telling me to walk away. I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, and I really do have a good feeling about this guy. It’s just that I am used to two different types of relationships. One is where the guy is completely not interested and disappears, and the other is where the guy is sooo on your sh*t that he calls every single day. Both have been disasters. Therefore, I keep telling myself that this is a HEALTHY relationship and that I’m just not used to it. Talk to me girrrrl!
Let me second that emotion: this is a HEALTHY relationship and you’re just not used to it. Two or three days without a phone call is not a “disappearance.” It’s not even “time to himself.” It’s not anything to “bounce back” from. It’s not the Mr. Hyde flipside of “Mr. Wonderful.” It’s “recently started dating.” Step away from the phone and enjoy it!
First things first, I couldn’t stop laughing at your response to “Rocket from the Couch!” The entire office had to investigate what I was giggling about.
Anyway, to make it quick, there is this guy that I have a tiny crush on. He works at the local coffee shop and I see him almost every day. Finally, after numerous smiles and “Hey, how’s it going?” he asks what my name is. Of course I ask his and everything is great. He asks for my phone number about a week later and I am really excited. He even calls me and he comes over to my house for a weekend BBQ. He meets all my friends and everything is dandy. I see him the next day and he says that he will call that same night and that we could “hang out.” WELL! He never called me again and I haven’t seen him since. No, no, no, I will not go into the coffee shop. I have found a new coffee shop to get my daily fix. But Breakup Girl, my self-confidence is shot. I feel like a loser and I feel really rejected. I can’t stop thinking about java boy and I feel like I am going crazy! I’m also really pissed off … at him! What can I do???
For around a year a girl who I’ve become really good friends with has been in love with this guy from overseas. We both are mad internet fans (she met this guy on chat). I know it probably seems really interfering but I am so worried about her because she gets so upset whenever she doesn’t hear from him for a while… this may sound crazy to non-net addicts (are there actually any?!?!) but there it is. I’ve been trying to be supportive of her but I’m getting really angry with him because I’m the one (along with another close friend) who’s left to comfort her when he doesn’t e-mail/come into chat/phone for extended periods of time. THEN when he DOES talk to her it’s always about bloody computers! (He works with them.) It is really bewildering for her because one moment he says he loves her and wants to be with her blah blah blah and that he wants to come over here soon and the next he pulls on this “I’m too old for you… you need to experience more in your life!!!” I wish he’d just be consistent and let her know whether it’s yay or nay. I really don’t know what to tell her anymore and I’m looking for advice.
We went on our first date this weekend … We ended the evening with a goodnight kiss (OK, three small ones) and things seemed to have gone so well. … I called him once and was sent to voice mail and have not heard from him since then.
How long should she wait to call again? (She thinks 72 hours.) Why has the stream of funny emails stopped? Is this about the meeting in IRL thing? See what Lynn thinks at Match, then come back here to give your own assessment in the comments below.
It’s been almost a year, and I still feel sick to my stomach when I see the answering machine with zero messages. I know we can never bet back together, but I keep waiting for him to say he made a mistake. After fifteen years together, I don’t know where to go to meet someone else. Any advice for a 40-year-old NYC girl to find someone else to spend my energy on?
Please know that we all feel a mite queasy when we come home to zero messages. I think we all know what Randy Travis meant when he sang, “If my phone still ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you.” BG even has a friend — we’ll call her Randy — who *69s when she zeros out, just to see for sure.
I am a 36-year-old woman who’s seeing this guy, 30, for about two months. I saw him last on a Sunday evening and I called him on the following Tuesday evening but did not get a return call. I have called him several times and asked him to call me and asked what happened. What did I do? I‘ve even seen him at a bar and he totally ignored me. It has been a little over a month now and I have heard nothing. From your experiences, what would you say happened? I realize I’m better off but hate the feeling of being ignored for no reason.