Psyched out on October 26, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I am 16 and in a relationship with a 20 year old. He is smart, funny, ambitious….and sensitive, caring, thoughtful, vulnerable. And I am DESPERATELY in love with this adorable guy. And he is always telling me how much he loves me. But I don’t feel worth it. I feel like sooner or later he is gonna realise I am not worth the trouble and I am not as great as he thinks, and dump me. And the thought scares me to death. I still live with my parents and although they accept our relationship, they really don’t approve, and have thrown some obstacles in our way. If they had any idea that I am having sex with him, it would be hazardous to his health, even though I am very much the instigator. (I finally bedded him via daring him to christen the backseat of my parents car, because I know he can’t say no to a dare !) My insecurity makes it difficult for me to see him, knowing that one day, all the things that he fell in love with me for will be all the reasons he falls out of love with me.
He gets offended so easily, and he admits he has a habit of taking things the wrong way from past experiences even though he knows I don’t mean them that way. And when he gets offended, I hate myself and wonder why he bothers with me. I have a short temper and several times I have verbally taken my anger out on him when I am mad about something else, and I see how much it hurts him, yet I never learn. He has such a gentle soul, and I seem to hurt him all the time. I feel tactless, thoughtless, and basically like a downright mean person. I love him so much it is going to kill me when it ends, but I know it will end and this makes it harder. A couple of days ago, we were on the phone quite late, and as he gets up at 6 a.m, he has to go to bed early. During the conversation that night, he had mentioned several things about me which were not good.