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February 22, 2013

A case of paranoia?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:58 am

Trouble trusting on December 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been involved for a year and a half with a very gentle, caring man who I feel is trustworthy. However, I cannot seem to give up relentlessly accusing him of seeing other women. I know this is a contradiction. I do feel he is trustworthy, but I believe that I am experiencing a case of paranoia–as my past partners have been anything but trustworthy. Perhaps, I have recently taken a blow to my ego as of late, and my insecurities are surfacing in this relationship–but I honestly cannot figure out why I have been questioning my partner to the point of him wanting to give up. I have done damage to this relationship through this, and he is sick and tired of arguing–as am I. I want to repair the damage, but I seem to be unable to keep my mouth shut.

– Big Red

Dear Big Red,

We’re thinking you should open up that mouth to a therapist. Cause here’s what Belleruth says: “Your insight into the situation is admirable, but, evidently, not sufficient. Yours could be one of those self-fulfilling prophecy deals, where you create what you’re most scared of — i.e. rejection — out of perverse self-destructiveness. But if you get some help, you’ll have more control over your testing behavior and wayward mouth.” Here’s hoping that it’ll start saying things like, “I trust you.” Or, better yet, that things like “I trust you” will go without saying.

Love,
BR/BG

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August 6, 2012

This week at Happen: What if he’s cheating?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:50 pm

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from a gal who’s scared-to-lose him, but she’s was burned by a cheater before:

I got out of an extremely bad relationship about three months ago with a man who cheated on me. I thought that I was going to stay single for a long time because I knew that I would have a hard time trusting again, yet that’s not how things worked out. I became friends with someone shortly after the break-up, and the more time we spent together, the more we both realized that we were meant to be together.

Now she’s grown suspicious of this new love and it’s driving him away. Is she unable to let the past go and what should she do? Read the full letter and response at Happen, then chime in with your own thoughts below.

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