My live-in boyfriend (who’s 30, I’m 41) of three and a half years told me he wanted to ‘just be friends’ this past September. I moved out. He got engaged New Year’s Eve to a woman (she’s 29) with whom he had a brief fling in college and has heard from or had visit him a couple times a year for the past nine years (each time they met, she was all over him like the proverbial cheap suit). They are to be married in May. I have two questions. Will this marriage work? and Why do I still care?
– Patton
Dear Patton,
Why do you care? Of course you care. Are you kidding me? Even Breakup Girl cares, and she doesn’t even know these people. Dumped you in September, engaged in December?! Yeesh. All I can say is, she may have been all over him like a cheap suit, but oddly enough — as the genuine-article fashion zombies from the 70s and 80s attest — sometimes it’s the cheap ones that last.So this thing could be a flimsy rebound, or it could be some solid perma-crease that somehow never got ironed out. Or, gulp, it could be an age thing. So I don’t know if it’s going to last or not, but I do know that you’re not allowed to obsess about it. Write to Breakup Girl, speculate with your friends — but I can trust you not to pull any “I must stop the wedding” Julia Roberts antics, right? Buy your bad self a pricey suit and find some gent who doesn’t have his past mixed up with his future.
My boyfriend and I were together for 8 1/2 months, quite a feat for two seniors in high school. We broke up not too long ago, but the relationship has really been over for longer than that. At the beginning, everything was wonderful. He was different from the typical guy that I was attracted to, but that was part of the attraction. Eventually, we decided to have sex– something that I had always wanted to wait until marriage for. But after many, many make out sessions and many, many conversations on how to protect ourselves, and many, many “I love you”s, I changed my mind. Sex wasn’t something that I actually enjoyed a whole lot, because basically, I just felt really mad at myself for giving into something when I had felt so strongly about remaining a virgin until marriage.
Anyway, after our decision to bring sex into the relationship, I became extremely emotional (my guess is that it was because of the strong attatchment to him combined with my troubled thoughts and possibly some side effects to the Pill). I didn’t want to be with him any longer because all it did was remind me of how I had let myself down.
So, after two months of “trying to make things work” and a lot of tears, we broke up. I thought that it would feel horrible and it did, but only for a few days. I realized that I was better off now (no more guilt) and that we would always stay friends… which basically is what we had become by the end of the relationship.
All right, oh wise Breakup Girl, here is my question. “Jeff” called me a few days ago and asked me if I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him. He says that V-Day is a day to spend time with someone special and that I am that someone–his best friend. So I am wrestling with my heart and mind, which are extremely conflicting at the moment. What do I do? I would love to spend the day with him (the plan would be to go out to lunch or dinner and maybe a movie), but I am afraid that we would do something stupid and get back together — something that I don’t want right now. He is my best friend, on the other hand, and it would be good to see him and just hang out. Breakup Girl, please help!
I recently parted ways with my boyfriend of five months, over (as far as I can tell) a spaghetti dinner. In any case, shortly after splitting, we met again and promptly hopped into bed. I unwittingly believed that this encounter would mean something to both of us. Apparently I was wrong. I called him up to talk about the situation, and he was completely nonchalant, and became irritated with my repeated question of “is that all you have to talk about?” Anyway, the conversation ended with me being fairly hurt and confused, and him being generally clueless. Was it wrong for me to expect more? Please help me out.
- Tory
Dear Tory,
What you have here is Classic Relapse. See, breakups can be right up there with oysters, figs, and The Red Shoe Diaries in terms of their aphrodisiac qualities. It’s like, “Wow, you look great without … commitment.”
So, a Relapse and a Reunion are two entirely different animals. People: safeguard your feelings — and don’t toy with those of others. Either break up or don’t; act accordingly. But if you are going to break up, you might as well be eating spaghetti at the time
It’s that time of year again, when we bow our heads and reflect on the year that’s passed. This is also when we ask ourselves “What the heck just happened?” I’ve been doing that a lot for the last few weeks and I was hoping that your immense intellect and other really cool super powers can help me sort it all out.
I just got out of a really horrible “relationship,” got myself into a really swank bachelor pad, been doing some really swank bachelor things, and all around having a great time. I sometimes get nightmares about my ex, but I try not to let that bother me. I did my share of “closure” with her. When I left, I “closed” the door. My question is this…When I was younger, I was with another gal who I thought was IT. She was the “template” of the woman I wanted in my life. We had great times together, we had bad times together. We broke up after 7 years of this and did not keep in touch for 3 years. That was four years ago. Now, we’ve been hanging out a lot (when I’m in town or vice-versa), talking (mostly via phone or e-mail), laughing, flirting, and getting more comfotable with each other. I have no complaints about that except that I’m finding myself falling in love with her again. What’s the problem you say? I know that she’s not falling for me and I can’t seem to look at anyone else without the spectre of the template popping up. It’s like I’ve put on blinders and narrowed my choices. I’m also starting to second-guess myself. Did I break up with my ex because I know that the template’s there? By the way, the template is still single and currently not seeing anyone. My friends try to set me up on dates and such, but I just don’t find anything in common with these women. I think I’m going crazy, falling for someone who lives halfway across the country, who I know doesn’t have the same feelings for me like I have for her. ARRGGHH!!! It drives me batty!!!! If I think about this logically, I know that I want to continue being friends with her (just friends though) and find another. I know I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year, much less in four years ago….but I guess logic truly goes out the door when you fall in love. Anyway all-seeing and all-knowing one, if you can help me sort this out it would really mean a lot to me. I don’t think I can go through another year with these feelings hanging over my head. Thanks.
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:00 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn advises a Confused Soul who is wondering if she can make things work with a guy she met online that is an admitted online flirt. In fact, they broke up over it, but now …
Now it seems he wants to revive things with me. He says he never cheated on me or really liked anyone. He says he talks to tons of girls during a typical week but that doesn’t mean anything.
Should she give him another shot? Read the letter at Happen along with Lynn’s advice, then come back here to comment!
Filed under: Treats, pop culture — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:35 am
It’s the twentieth anniversary of Say Anything (#iamold), and while some now confess to having replaced Dobler with Donaghy, his In Your Eyes triumph will always be in our hearts. And now, thanks to a tipster, we’ve succumbed to the charms of Marit Larsen, who here comes pretty close to a boombox moment of her own:
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:25 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week’s entry is from Rave Boy who not only got mixed messages from his ex when she broke up with him, he now hears that she’s been missing him. He wants to know if he should attempt a reunion with his rave girl. Read the letter at Happen, then come back here to comment!
Filed under: News, media — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:58 am
Interesting (and belated; sorry) Comic-Con-related news (and cute headline) from the New York Times:
Reunited, and It Feels So Super
IMAGE UNITED is akin to a Beatles reunion. This six-issue comic-book series, which will be previewed at Comic-Con International in San Diego on Wednesday, brings together six of the seven founders of Image Comics— a group of prominent illustrators who defected from Marvel in 1992 to start their own publishing company— as well as some of the most successful characters they have created or developed there. It is not your typical comic-book team-up, in which a single artist interprets several other artists’ characters. Whenever Spawn, say, or Savage Dragon appears, he is illustrated by his creator. Throw in ShadowHawk, Witchblade and Youngbloood, along with Fortress, a new character, and you have a gathering of superheroes that is also a logistical nightmare.
In a real life story that is mostly likely soon to be a major motion picture, a love letter that took 16 years to reach its recipient resulted in a happily-ever-after ending.
Steve Smith and Carmen Ruiz-Perez fell in love 17 years ago, got engaged, but then ended their relationship. Then a letter lost behind a chimney — but recently rediscovered — brought the two back together.
From the AFP article:
The missing missive was only found when builders removed the fireplace during renovation work.
“When I got the letter I didn’t phone Steve right away because I was so nervous,” Ruiz-Perez told the Herald Express local newspaper.
“I nearly didn’t phone him at all. I kept picking up the phone then putting it down again.
“But I knew I had to make the call.”
When they were reunited, it was as if time had stood still, said Smith, a factory supervisor.
“When we met again it was like a film. We ran across the airport into each other’s arms. We met up and fell in love all over again. Within 30 seconds of setting eyes on each other we were kissing.
Look for the film staring Penelope Cruz and Ryan Reynolds in a theater near you, just in time for the end of the year holiday season. That, and look for a letter behind your chimney.
e-mail to a friend in need
Caring too much on March 30, 1998…
Tough choices on 
Interesting (and belated; sorry) 
