Amy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride. This follows a “courtship” of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80 ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. Miss Wolfe, 33, from Pennsylvania, will change her surname to Weber after the manufacturer of the ride she travels 160 miles to visit 10 times per year, according to reports.
“I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll be together forever,” she said.
Miss Wolfe first fell for the ride when she was 13: “I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally.
“I wasn’t freaked out, as it just felt so natural, but I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew it wasn’t ‘normal’ to have feelings for a fairground ride.”
In any regard, she’s not alone. Say what you want about the symbolism involved in marrying the Eiffel Tower, but according to this article by the creator of a documentary on the topic, “Why people really fall in love with objects is a controversial issue. The OS [Objectum Sexual] members believe it to be metaphysical but most of the women I interviewed had serious difficulties in early childhood, from severe sexual abuse to abandonment and rejection.” Many of them have Asperger’s Syndrome, which can make interpersonal interaction challenging. From the latter article: “It is not that an Asperger person does not long for human relationships; they do, desperately. But someone who falls in love with objects can control that relationship on their own terms,” says psychotherapist Jerry Brooker. “Their objects will not let them down. That is extremely attractive for a person who is otherwise often desperately lonely.”
So we’re not going to point fingers and laugh here; I’m sure we’ve all whispers of similar feelings: devotion to an excellent pen, say, or passion for a perfect tomato — perhaps even, once in a while, preferring their company to that of humans.
That said, for a good-natured game (a grownup version of “Then Why Don’t You Marry It”), let’s play: if you could marry an inanimate object, what would it be? I mean, besides grilled cheese.