December 13, 2012
That ain’t right on November 30, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I would just like to start by saying you have a brilliant page here…..
Well I’m 16 and I am dating a 33 year old man. We have been together for 5 months nearly. But the problem is not me or him, it’s everyone else. No one I know can understand or accept it. They all believe he is using me and that he doesn’t care for me. I don’t know what to think anymore because it feels as if both sides are brainwashing me. I believe he does care for me, and pray that he wouldn’t be just using me, as I lost my virginity to this man.
I sometimes hope I am not with him just so I can feel special and wanted, becuase he definitely makes me feel good about myself. My mother doesn’t know, but my friend’s can’t praise me for him anyway.
The only major problem in this relationship is that he wants it to be a secret…he doesn’t want other people knowing of it, and when we meet each other it’s always in secret, non-populated areas. Plus I must admit all he wants to do all the time is talk about sex and when we will be doing it next. But he always tells me he loves me. I’m so confused…
I just want to know is there anyway that this man could really be in love with me?
— Feeling Used
BG takes the question seriously after the jump!
December 10, 2012
Keeping secrets on November 30, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I’m dating a guy nine years younger than me. The problem is that he doesn’t know how old I am, and I’m scared to tell him. We’ve been dating about seven months now, and I’m beginning to feel guilty because he has started to mention the forever-together word. He has never come straight out and asked me my age, but I do look younger than I am. I really don’t want to tell him because or the past actions past boyfriends have exhibited once I told them my age. I really don’t care that I’m wasting time with somebody who might not accept me for who I am, because I’ve already been married, had long term relationships, and don’t really care about long term or commitment anymore. Do you think I should tell my boyfriend my age?
Oooh, are you the girl from Felicity?
Regardless, here’s my concern: this hasn’t come up? In seven months? What do you guys talk about? Never mind that he hasn’t outright asked, but it hasn’t just come up? As in, “Actually, I was an infant, so no, I don’t remember what I was doing when John Glenn landed. The first time.” — ? Nothing? For me, that’s the oddest thing going on here.
So I’m guessing that he somehow already knows and doesn’t care, or doesn’t know and doesn’t care. But there is a talk you guys should have, even if it’s not about how many times you’ve been 29. Because if he’s making together-forever noises, and you’re still withholding basic facts — and/because you’re not concerned with long-term commitment — then there’s a gap here that’s not measured in years. You might [by default] lie about your age, but at least act it.
April 13, 2012
Tied in knots on October 5, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
Please help with a delicate situation. I can’t speak to any of my friends about it, so I turn to you hoping for guidance.
I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months. We are both professionals, I’m 32, he’s 28. We fell in love pretty quickly, but it feels right. I have been in three long-term relationships before, he in two.
Here is the problem: I discovered something by accident on his computer one night — addresses to some racy Internet sites about bondage, etc. Now normally, I wouldn’t worry. Just guy stuff, right? Well, the issue is that about 4 out of 5 times when we have sex, he doesn’t come. I do, but he doesn’t.
We talked about it and he said he is happy with our sex life. I didn’t ask him about the Internet sites. The stuff he is into seems like it doesn’t hurt anyone. He is into submission, I think. I went to one of the sites and found a matchmaker section with an ad he placed. I don’t think he had done anything with anyone since we have been together. We are together 24/7.
What should I do?
1. Let him know that I know…and explore this with him.
2. Blow it off and hope the sex gets better on its own.
— Lisa Ann
Dear Lisa Ann,
First of all, brava! You’re so nice and non-judgmental about something that often wigs the heck out of people; this is promising, ’cause chances are your boyfriend isn’t going to bring this up.
Now we’re gonna go talk to our official expert, Mistress Belleruth, okay? She says, basically, that Option 2 is out. “She definitely shouldn’t ignore it, ’cause their sex life will only get worse… and worse… and he could end up depressed or outta there or cheating. Besides, now they both have secrets, and they’ll just loom larger and larger. But before you bring it up, you should try to get clear in your own mind how you’d feel about pleasing him on his own terms — if in fact, he would like you to tie him up, say, or administer the occasional spanking… how would you feel about that?? If you don’t mind, great. But if you’re really freaked, you’ll need to be clear on that to him. And then it’s a dilemma that you can at least share and puzzle over together, out in the open.”
And we can infer from your tone that you’ll bring this up sensitively and non-blamingly, right? ‘Cause otherwise, well, that’s not the kind of punishment he’s into.
March 17, 2011
Clothes make the man on June 1, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ll keep this brief…or should I say bikini? I have been married for almost nine years and have two wonderful children with my husband. [Two years ago] I found out through a snoopfest that my husband is a transvestite…and has been acting out his behavior for 25 years. It floored me and freaked me out. I had the usual questions such as: did I do this to him? Is he gay? Has he been wearing my stuff? We have remained married thought I have offered separation and divorce twice since learning of his fetish. We have not had sex in two years and it is getting hard to resist the urge to find someone else to have a relationship with. He says he can control it and won’t do it anymore … I doubt him. Our sex life prior to the discovery was infrequent at best…i.e. three to four times a year. He has since explained that this is because his fetish is such a sexual stimulant to for him. I love him for the person he is…but can’t yet accept the fetish and fear I am going to “die on the vine.” How long should I wait to possibly feel something for him again? Should I leave him and give myself credit for trying for the last two years …I am not in love with him or even attracted to him anymore…or is it my problem and I should live with it?
September 6, 2010
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn hears from Need Lots of Help, who probably only needs a little help. She writes:
I try not to bother him and respect his privacy just as I would anyone. However, he closes his open windows, especially his email, if I go near him when he is online. What does this mean?
Good question. Check out Lynn’s answer, along with the full letter at Happen, then come back here to add your own thoughts!
November 13, 2009
Better safe than sorry on March 9, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
My boyfriend and I discussed getting free and anonymous HIV tests together. He agreed that it would be a good idea. We always practice safe sex. However, we broke up during Christmas and I made the mistake of sleeping with someone else unprotected. I haven’t told anyone else about this other guy because I am so ashamed. I haven’t even told my best friend. I feel scared.
Now, my boyfriend has decided that he doesn’t want to get tested together. I don’t even know if he wants to get tested at all. He consistently avoids or changes the subject every time I bring it up. What should I do? It is always on my mind. I am scared to go alone (partly because I hate needles). Please help!
— Alone and Needle Phobic
August 17, 2009
Too much information on February 23, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I was in a relationship for almost a year and it finally ended last week. It has had ups and downs, breakups and reunions so many times that I cannot remember the numbers. I love him very much, but he cannot live with my past (which really isn’t shady at all!). When he was asking me some very personal and unnecessary questions, I lied to him for fear of losing him. The truth came out. For five months, we have been trying to work through this, him accepting my past (three other men) and the fact that I lied to him; I’ve been trying to move on from his insults. Last week, he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about my “mistakes” and he wanted to see other people. I should be happy to be free from the arguments, but I’m not. I love and only want to be with him. I go to a very small school, so his presence and any girl he takes home are always near. I don’t want to sit in or go out anymore on weekends. How can I go out and deal with the fact he’s with other girls, ones who are in the place where I want to be? Breakup Girl, I obviously can’t change the past, but my future seems in peril! I wish he would accept the past and that I love him. Instead, he’s thrown me away like yesterday’s garbage! HELP!
— Discarded and Depressed
March 3, 2009
From the real-life superhero files, a superhero so super-secret even his pseudonym has a pseudonym.
From a super-secret interview on Alibi.com:
Q: Will you ever stop? What would make you consider leaving the hero role?
A. It would take a crippling injury or maybe getting married.
He says his [real] moniker is a literary allusion — let the guessing commence!
“Beware the incredible RYE CATCHER!”
“Halt or feel the verbal might of THE MOCKING BIRDKILLER!
“You’ve just been pressed by THE GRAPE WRAITH!”
Got any more?