Dear Breakup Girl,
Best wishes from a core, real, die-hard Green Bay Packer Fan-esque fan.
I have had a few long term relationships (a few years each) but none for a while. I have never had a problem meeting women or even going on a date or two, but recently I haven’t been able to keep a long termer. I am in many ways too much of a friend for some women, but I am working on that. No one seems to set me up with anyone even though everyone claims they know someone I should go out with.
OK. Let’s get down to brass tacks. A platonic friend of mine (yet another who says I am too much of a friend, but I would make a good husband) took me out with a bunch of her friends just to hang out. I met a woman who was not only beautiful and friendly, but connected with me in a great, all beit non romantic way. Let’s call her Beth, because that’s her name. There was one small problem. She has a boyfriend whom she loves. So, she was clearly hands off, and I treated it as such. I told our mutual friend, Rhonda, that I have a huge crush on Beth. She thought it was cute and told Beth. I don’t mind. She’s flattered. I get a nice feeling that I made her feel beautiful and special, knowing DAMN WELL that nothing will come of this.
Well, Beth and her man are going through tough times. Real tough times. And Rhonda, our mutual friend, has always used my flattery as a way to cheer her up. “George thinks you are beautiful. He thinks this and that etc etc etc.” Rhonda, who dislikes Beth’s boyfriend, has been subtly pushing my case. In other words she wants Beth to leave her boyfriend and hook up with me. I of course said “I don’t want to be in the middle of anything.” But secretly I wanted her to. Now I know she has been suggesting that Beth take me a little more seriously while her relationship with her man gets tense. And I am guiltily encouraging it.
The fix is in on August 17, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl:
My two best friends (who are married) fixed me up with a friend of theirs, Dave, and we all went out a couple of times. Since then, Dave and I spent every spare moment together and our relationship turned very serious very soon. The problem is he’s in the middle of getting a divorce. I was very hesitant when we first started seeing each other. I kept telling him that he needed time to get through everything he’s going through and the last thing he needs is to be in a relationship. He just kept reassuring me and reassuring me. He told me that things have been over in his marriage for a long time. He told me he loved me and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I kept saying that the timing was wrong and that he needed time to himself. He said that if the best thing in your life came along at the wrong time, does that mean you should pass it by? So I eventually caved in and got caught up in the euphoria that was our relationship. Three months later…
Good friends from April 6, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve got a friend, Wayne. Wayne right now is kinda coasting through life — never left home, still working on that Bachelors for 12 years now. Unemployed. Anyway, we set him up for dates and it never works out. Wayne hangs out with one older woman, but he doesn’t want to date her because he thinks she’s too messed up! We’re Wayne’s best friends and we are concerned. How can we get Wayne socially ready for dating?
BG thinks it’s kind of cute when she sees those personal ads (research!) that are like PLEASE DATE OUR EXCELLENT FRIEND WHO’S TOO SHY TO PLACE THIS AD. Fine. In your case, though, I gotta ask: Wayne may still be working on his Bachelors … but have you done all your research? As in, does Wayne want to date? If not, no amount of charm- or clue school will land him a Betty.
Also, are you trying to fix Wayne up, or fix Wayne? Look, I get that you’re genuinely concerned about a friend; I totally know what you’re talking about. But the way you speak about him — well, you’re not, as they say, coming from a very positive place. Write and tell me about how great he is; then we’ll talk.
The Last Single Man on Earth is not alone … he has Breakup Girl!