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August 24

True Confessions: He took off with “the boys” for the weekend!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:05 am

truecircleDear Breakup Girl,

Is it true? Do guys inherently need to behave like imbeciles from time to time? I have been dating a guy for a month now; he’s 38, I am 25. The age difference is not the problem; he frequently attests to the fact that emotionally I am still light years ahead of him and, sadly, this is true. Regardless, we met through a mutual friend and have been dating steadily since. Daily phone calls, a few lunches and at least two movie/dinners a week plus weekends doing outdoorsy things together. Early dating bliss.

This weekend, however, he bought a new motorized water toy of some sort and took off with “the boys” for the weekend to test it out EVEN THOUGH he said he would call me and we would go out Saturday night. As I type, it is Sunday evening and I have not heard WORD ONE from him; he’d better hope he is lying in the hospital with a broken something or other or I am going to break it for him when I do hear from him.

Why on earth do they do this? I thought I was out of the red zone by dating a guy who was going through fraternity rush when I was in kindergarten, but apparently the problem is endemic and some men are simply resigned to the fact that they must take off from time to time like a pack of dogs chasing after cars they have no intention of driving.

Please advise.

— The Real McBeal

Dear RMB,

Eeaaaaasy, Ally. If he said he would call, then yeah, he probably should have called. BUT. Assuming he and his buds are not out there lipsynching to The Go-Go’s “Vacation” video, it is no more GUY behavior to take a weekend at sea with the boys than it is GIRL behavior to get all huffy about it. And to thus rush to judgment about men as a gender. And I do mean rush: it’s been a month. No time for his behavior to become a pattern. Or yours. Don’t let it.

Love,
Breakup Girl

This advice was originally published on August 3, 1998

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August 23

True Confessions: I’m a notorious player!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:30 am

truecircleDear Breakup Girl,

I was introduced to this boy two weeks ago, and yes, he’s cute, and he’s very nice, but he already acts like he’s my one and only. He doesn’t know that I’m a notorious player (…but I don’t actually enjoy breaking guys’ hearts). I don’t know how to tell him that we don’t have a serious thing going on … I am afraid of how he’ll react. How do I tell him?

— Puzzled Player

Dear Puzzled,

On the one hand: if he’s the kind of person who gets all “one and only” after only two weeks, then his attachment to you is — in part — a matter of his personality, not of your playerhood.

On the other: the act of breaking it to him — which you should just do, gently — is not your main problem. You, Puzzled, do have a serious thing going on. It’s that you’re finding out that playing people isn’t all fun and games. I mean, let’s say you don’t like brussels sprouts. You don’t like them, you stop eating them. But if you don’t breaking hearts, then why don’t you just stop? Here’s why: there’s gotta be something in it for you. Are you afraid that you’re not likeable in a girlfriend kind of way? Are you looking for quick fixes to soothe loneliness? Do you have something to prove … like that you’re a “bad person?” I don’t have enough data to tell you exactly why myself, so you’re the one who’s got to play this one out in your head. Before the next boy, or the next, or the next, decides he’s the one and only.

Love,
Breakup Girl

This advice was originally published on August 3, 1998

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August 22

True Confessions: He kinda has a reputation as being a player!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:54 am


Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently met this really hot guy. We hit it off right away, flirting left and right. He came over a few times, and we made out. He’s a few years older than me, so right off the bat I told him I am not going to have sex with him, and I’m not. He said okay, and we are still “proceeding” with the “relationship.” It seems that I always call him to come over, and he only calls when I tell him to. Is he just in it for one thing, to get as far as he can? He kinda has a reputation as being a player. Should I still proceed, knowing that he probably just wants one thing? Does he, or is he changing? I know he’ll never pressure me for sex, and he’ll respect my decisions about how far we go. What do we do? HELP!!!!!!!!

— Confused


Dear Confused,

If he were “changing,” he’d be calling you and taking you out on actual “dates.” Also, you wouldn’t be putting “quotes” around words like “relationship.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

This advice was originally published on August 3, 1998.

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May 25

“I bared my soul in my yearbook!”

Filed under: News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 6:09 am

Ripped from the headlines! Turns out our True Confessions retrospective last week has a breaking-news counterpart: efforts to reprint a Massaponax, Virginia high school yearbook in order to remove anonymous R-rated secrets and confessions scattered throughout the pages (along with “quotable quotes,” sometimes [mis-?]attributed, often containing sexual innuendo). Such as:

“I have sex with people just to feel wanted.”
“I worry all the time my ex-boyfriend will use the naked picture I sent him to ruin my life.”
“I had an abortion and my mom doesn’t know.”
“I’m pregnant with my best friend’s boyfriend’s kid.”

Much of the ensuing uproar seems to have focused on the content as “inappropriate,” with parents scandalized and administrators rushing to defend the school as a place where a lot of “good” things happen, too. To be sure, stuff like “I smoked so much pot I woke up high” pretty much is inappropriate for the yearbook. But to me, this is not (just) about keeping “treasured high school memories” clean and pretty. It’s about listening to — to the degree the confessions are true; but why wouldn’t they be — what may constitute, in part, an end-of-year cry for help. If the grownups involved trade their whiffs of moral outrage for a bit more of this, from the principal — “If these things are going on, we want to be supportive and we want to help those students and provide them with appropriate resources” — then future Massaponax graduates might be more likely to succeed.

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May 13

True Confessions: I tapped my home phone…

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:12 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently tapped my home phone and found out my wife was planning to meet a male “friend” to “hang out” for the coming weekend. A few days before, she told me she was going out-of-town to hang out with some old girl friends.

I confronted her with what I thought was a planned affair. She denied any affair, and insists that the guy is only a friend and nothing else. Although the conversation I heard had no explicit plan, i.e. “…we’ll meet and screw,” it was fraught with the kind of sexual tension and innuendo that only two lovers have. He was saying things like “the door is always open…” etc.

I pressed the issue and my wife admitted that they had had an “incident” before we met. She says that she has no intention of sleeping with anyone but me and that she loves me, and that this guy is not sexually interested in her. However, their phone conversation sounded totally different too me.

I didn’t reveal how I got my info, but now I don’t know if I should trust my wife. Is this an innocent diversion? Or something that is bound to happen?

— Sleeping With One Eye Open

(more…)

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True Confessions: I have never been kissed!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:04 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 18 years old, graduated from high school, and am now well on my way to completing my first year of college. I managed to graduate from high school and make it through almost an entire year of college without actually having had a boyfriend. I haven’t really gone on that many dates, either. No, I do not have low self-esteem and/or think there is something wrong with me physically or mentally. My problem is that I have never actually been kissed! I mean, how am I going to explain this to future dates? I’m really dreading this since my roommate is currently trying to fix me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends who supposedly likes me. Help!

— Blake

(more…)

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May 12

True Confessions: I just want to be left alone!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:58 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

After a spate of bad relationships, I just want to be alone for a while. I know I will get over it, but in the meantime: no fixups, etc. The problem is that the world in general seems to be fascinated and worried about my lack of interest, and coworkers and friends are constantly shoving single, willing men at me. (Where were these guys when I was looking for them??) And single, willing men are throwing themselves at me as well, which is getting annoying. I feel terrible having to reject these guys — some are very nice, but they want more than I can offer right now.

I am sick of getting comments like, “Gee, do you think maybe you’re gay?” and “Maybe there’s something wrong with you.” I just need a little time and space, please! How can people be so insensitive and so insistent? And what’s a good polite way for me to tell them to drop dead?

— Non-Drooly Julie

(more…)

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True Confessions: He loves my worst enemy!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:50 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

How am I supposed to act around the guy I love (he knows I love him) when he has told me he loves my worst enemy?

— Kitty

Dear Kitty,

Jealousy, my dear, is your worst enemy. Act — as in Best Actress in a Drama– like it doesn’t bother you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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May 11

True Confessions: Our sex life is not particularly anxiety-free!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:52 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been pondering this for a while. I’ve been dating someone for a long time who is my best friend, my favorite person, a good and attentive lover, and a wonderful soulmate for me. I really really love him and he has added so much to my life. I think we are going to get engaged soon.

My concern is that our sex life, although good, has never been particularly easy or anxiety-free. We both have a lot of “issues” and mine have definitely seemed more exaggerated since being with him. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s not so fine — but we always get through it (the hard times) and talk and take breaks when we need to. It has just never been particularly relaxed. Otherwise, he’s the one for me. I worry, though, that this issue is too important to ignore before marrying him. I went to therapy about this for a while, but didn’t think it was helping me more than just talking to him about it. Any thoughts?

— Sash

(more…)

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True Confessions: I feel like I’m encased in a tomb!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:44 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

 

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past six months. He is a sweet, intelligent, smart, funny guy, but he treats me like I’m God. He never disagrees and falls at my feet. Every other word out of his mouth is “I love you! You are beautiful!” and that’s it!!! I think without these words he would have nothing to say at all. I know most women would die to have a man like this but, personally, I feel like I’m encased in a tomb! How can I tell him that too much of a good thing IS bad, and that we need to stop things before they get any worse…?

— Suffocating

(more…)

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