… yeah, sorry, that just doesn’t say I love you at all.

(And yet it is still teh awesome.)

Via DJDistracted.

You rated the haikus and determined our finalists …
Now, from your favorites, our fancy celebrity judge Joel Stein has anointed a winner:

I don’t think I’d need
Five hundred days to know that
Summer was a bitch.

— Ash

Ash is our 2010 Haiku Master! Ash is also our MVP, being the author of a majority of our highest rated haiku (though his syllable counting skills were not always perfect).

Here are our Honorable Mentions, the other highest-rated haiku that had the correct meter, showed no voting irregularities, and were not written by Lynn or Chris…

We’re so different.
For example, I’m a Mac.
And you’re an asshole.
— Ash

It will never work.
I like Radiohead and
you like Dave Matthews.
— Salmeen

young love grows old fast:
the puppy you wanted then
has gone to the dogs
— ed

These aren’t tears for you.
I’m just upset that Mom said,
“See. I told you so.”
— Ash

The signs were all there.
Like your YouTube “parody”
of Single Ladies.
— Ash

Check out all the entries in our 2010 Valentine’s Day Haiku Contest here. (Disagree with the results? Yes, you can still rate them!)

Tough choices on February 8, 1999…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I were together for 8 1/2 months, quite a feat for two seniors in high school. We broke up not too long ago, but the relationship has really been over for longer than that. At the beginning, everything was wonderful. He was different from the typical guy that I was attracted to, but that was part of the attraction. Eventually, we decided to have sex– something that I had always wanted to wait until marriage for. But after many, many make out sessions and many, many conversations on how to protect ourselves, and many, many “I love you”s, I changed my mind. Sex wasn’t something that I actually enjoyed a whole lot, because basically, I just felt really mad at myself for giving into something when I had felt so strongly about remaining a virgin until marriage.

Anyway, after our decision to bring sex into the relationship, I became extremely emotional (my guess is that it was because of the strong attatchment to him combined with my troubled thoughts and possibly some side effects to the Pill). I didn’t want to be with him any longer because all it did was remind me of how I had let myself down.

So, after two months of “trying to make things work” and a lot of tears, we broke up. I thought that it would feel horrible and it did, but only for a few days. I realized that I was better off now (no more guilt) and that we would always stay friends… which basically is what we had become by the end of the relationship.

All right, oh wise Breakup Girl, here is my question. “Jeff” called me a few days ago and asked me if I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him. He says that V-Day is a day to spend time with someone special and that I am that someone–his best friend. So I am wrestling with my heart and mind, which are extremely conflicting at the moment. What do I do? I would love to spend the day with him (the plan would be to go out to lunch or dinner and maybe a movie), but I am afraid that we would do something stupid and get back together — something that I don’t want right now. He is my best friend, on the other hand, and it would be good to see him and just hang out. Breakup Girl, please help!

— Horribly Confused

(more…)

Submit haikus now!

Funnyman Joel Stein will

Help choose our winner!

haiku contest’s back
this year you can rate them too
zen holiday fun

Click here to read, rate and write haiku!

Is NECCO not keeping up with internet memes fast enough for you? Now you can customize your own candy hearts and send them as an eCard. We have traditional eCards too!

The first press release we got from LeaseTrader.com was mostly just puzzling. The next couple were forgettable, reaching so far for a hook that we’re sure someone injured a rotator cuff. But this one? Notable. Here’s what a fellow recipient had to say about it in an email to BG: “This is a fascinating press release about the many men who face intense pressures from marriage-hungry girls who force them to either change their Facebook status, step up the relationship, or propose on Valentine’s Day, all of which apparently leads to a terrible next-day hangover in which they must give up their sports cars because sports cars are incompatible with the emasculation of commitment to women, and also because there is no room for Ken’s sports car — only the Glamour Camper — in the garage at the Barbie Dream House in 1982, which is the only place where the universe depicted in this press release exists.” Behold:

It’s no secret that Valentine’s Day is a big date night, but nobody talks about what many men face the day after. With Valentine’s Day falling on a Sunday, this year the day after could provide one heck of a case of the Mondays. Our company (LeaseTrader.com) was needed to help one guy get rid of his sports car after he and his new fiancée had “the talk,” which got us thinking of other situations men face after Valentine’s Day.

*First Date* – Having your first date on Valentine’s Day is already filled with enough anxiety. The next day some men will face the inevitable talk to change their Facebook status. Men used to worry about the blackbook but now it’s all about the Facebook.

*Next Step* – If you’re already in an exclusive relationship on Valentine’s Day expect the “when are we going to finally live together” talk which means it’s time to take that next step. Her talk with you will include changing the décor of your home or commenting on why you’re still driving that ridiculous sports car?

*Engagement *– Every man who proposes to his girlfriend wants the day to be unforgettable for her. For many men this means a Valentine’s Day proposal. Believe it or not, LeaseTrader.com has helped many men ditch the sports car when their brand new fiancées quickly remind them they’ll now be a family man.

And what should you expect if you’re already married? Perhaps a conversation pointing out you completely forgot about Valentine’s Day.

If you have any questions or would like to speak with a LeaseTrader.com executive about this story let me know.

Over at YourTango.com’s Love Buzz, blogger Melissa Noble polled 50 men to find out how many of them know the actual date of Valentine’s Day, which is, I guess, a slightly bigger stumper than “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?”. For the results, just read her post’s curiously-punctuated title:  “20% of Men Don’t Know The Date of Valentine’s Day Which means 80 percent of men DO know the date of Valentine’s Day. Whew.”

Despite being taught the necessity of buying and exchanging Valentine’s Day cards (often in bulk) from pre-school on, I have to admit…I have at times, well, forgotten Valentine’s Day. Not very ladylike behavior, I suppose, as Noble writes: “Most women we know either relish or dread February 14th.” But…really? Women are that fixated on Valentine’s Day? And same-sex couples…well, never mind them, I guess? Or, beyond all that, is it really so black and white (and red all over)?  Is there room to observe it our own way, because hey, why not, it’s here, it could be nice, without making such a giant cuckoo deal?

I mean, my college crush and I thought ourselves so evolved as to be post-Valentine’s Day. We decided no cards, presents or even candied hearts. Instead we sat in a smoky café with our friends, reading Kierkegaard out loud, dressed in black, sipping lattes. At the time, it was perfect. He loved it. I loved it. There were no false expectations. Now, the odds that I’ll observe the holiday that way today are about the same as that of Hallmark coming out with a card criticizing 19th-century Hegelianism and celebrating the priority of concrete human reality over abstract thinking, but still. It was fun.

So tell us: What are some ways you’ve observed, ignored, or something in between, Valentine’s Day? That is, assuming you even knew the date. 😉

It’s not too late to send an e-card! Not specific enough? Try our customizable candy hearts. Not enough Rachel Maddow? Try these.