I am still a virgin. This is not a bad thing in my eyes, but it makes me REALLY shy when it comes to dating. I don’t want to have sex until I’m married, or at least engaged, I would even give it up when I’d been dating the guy for more than a year. What worries me, is that my virginity is getting in the way of my dating life. Which brings me to the fact that I’ve only had one boyfriend and that was only for a short month. Boys like me, as far as I can tell, but every time one tries to get me into a relationship, I hesitate, because I don’t like to kiss or makeout. Kissing disgusts me, and I’ve never made-out before, but I don’t think I’d like it. I don’t have much sex drive to tell you the truth. I was really boy crazy when I was younger and in high school, but now I’m not interested in physical stuff; I just want to enjoy the person I’m dating for who they are and how they make me feel, emotionally. I love one man, and he is the only one I would even think about having sex with, but he currently has a girlfriend of 1 year, and is my best guy friend in the world.
ANYWAY, back to my virginity. Is there something wrong with me, if I don’t want to hop in the sack? I’m guessing not, but it seems like the whole world is just going at it like rabbits. Another thing is that I want my husband to be either a virgin, also, or pretty darn close to one. Most guys I meet up with have a pretty large past file, or one I consider too large, and I’m turned off, even to their personality and good sides. And it’s not even like I’m going to sleep with them anyway, so I could at least date them…But the big thing is–I don’t want to be PRESSURED, and I don’t want them to try to pretend that they’ll be patient.
One of my best friends recommended that I ask my best guy friend in the whole world (yes, the one who has a steady girlfriend), to have sex with me so I know whether or not I like it, so I know if it really is something I want to save for marriage or want to experience more sooner. (more…)
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:14 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn tries to comfort a girl who is Confused and Hurt. She is not a virgin herself, but her boyfriend said he was. That is, until he finally admitted that she wasn’t his first. (Confusing!)
I even told him from the beginning that it was very important that we know about each other’s sexual histories. Honesty is a big deal to me in our relationship, and I feel he has lied to me about the biggest possible thing.
(Hurtful!) Is she overreacting? Can we even understand why he lied? Just go read the letter at Happen, then come back here to comment on sex, lies, and virginitygate.
I cannot lie to you. This is not the first time we’ve covered this letter. You see, about 12 months ago, MSN and I did it. Check out the comments here.
Way back in sheesh, 1999, long before we could embed video, we (specifically, Mikki Halpin) reviewed FOBG Sarah Jacobson’s Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More, “an amazing coming-of-age story…about the slow, sputtering start of sexuality and self-awareness.” (More: “You thought the sex-in-a-car scene in Titanic was hot? Wait until you see this one! Not to mention the masturbation scenes, the sex-in-a-graveyard scene, the how-I-lost-my-virginity-scenes, the coming-out scene, and the “What is a clitoris?” speech. Plus comedic relief from Jello Biafra!”) Tragically, the brilliant Sarah died in 2004 at the age of 32.
Now — tomorrow, in fact — in Sarah’s much-celebrated memory, Mikki and friends present:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FABULOUS SARAH JACOBSON
An evening to honor DIY filmmaker Sarah Jacobson
And a benefit for the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant
February 15, 2010
7 pm doors, 8 pm show
Glasslands Gallery, Brooklyn, NY
On Monday, February 15, 2010, filmmakers, punk rockers, feminists, and musicians will gather to remember filmmaker Sarah Jacobson (1970–2004). The evening will include an appearance from Sarah’s mother Ruth Jacobson, and her sister Lee Jacobson. There is a $5 suggested donation at the door, and all proceeds will go to the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant, which supports independent young women filmmakers.
Sarah Jacobson (1971–2004) was a a filmmaker who wrote, produced, and directed several movies in the 1990s, including “Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More” and “I Was a Teenage Serial Killer.” Sarah’s films reflected her punk sensibilities, her feminist beliefs, and her dedication to DIY principles. She and her mother Ruth Jacbson brought “Mary Jane” to the 1997 Sundance festival, and it was named by Film Threat as one of the “25 Underground Films You Must See.” Sarah was active in the music scene and directed several music videos, including one for Man… or Astroman? She died in 2004 at the age of 32.
After her death, filmmaker Sam Green and Sarah’s mother established the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant for young women “whose work embodies some of the things that Sarah stood for: a fierce DIY approach to filmmaking, a radical social critique, and a thoroughly underground sensibility.” Since 2004, the grant has been awarded to eight filmmakers: Marie Losier, Natasha Mendonca, Kara Herold, Gretchen Hogue, Joanna Dery, Vanessa Renwick, Ellen Lake, and Veronica Majano.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Sarah Jacobson” will celebrate Sarah’s life and work. It also launches the grant cycle for 2010 and information about applying for the grant will be available at the event and on the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant website.
The evening will begin with a short screening of samples of previous grant winners and two of Sarah’s short films. Filmmaker Barbara Hammer and Sarah’s mother Ruth will then speak and introduce “Mary Jane’s Not a Virgin Any More.” The evening will also include video tributes from Sarah’s fans and friends including Kathleen Hanna, Allison Anders, Tamra Davis, Sam Green, George Kuchar, Michelle Handelman, and Craig Baldwin.
Glasslands is located at 289 Kent Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11211
[L] to Bedford, [J] to Marcy
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:40 am
Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly, so now you’ll get two new letters each month…
1. Warhammer Widow feels like she comes in second to her beau’s gaming — but then, so does paying his car insurance. Eeep!
2. Confused and Hurt, who is not a virgin herself, has a boyfriend who said he was. That is, until he finally admitted that she wasn’t his first. This is both confusing (why lie?) and hurtful (the lies!).
Filed under: News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:37 am
Who knew? Turns out virginity pledges may not be as counterproductive as previously believed, IF we consider such survey results reliable. But no matter who’s pledging what and for how long, here — in the report from USA Today — is the kicker, from the study’s lead author, psychologist Steven Martino of Pittsburgh: “[T]hat’s not to say virginity pledges should substitute for comprehensive sex education, because a majority of teens do have sex…even among teens who take virginity pledges.”