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Dear Breakup Girl,
I'm planning a cozy little Swiss vacation with my EX-ex-boyfriend. (I don't
even know how to refer to him at this point, and that's part of the problem!)
We dated for three short months several years ago when I was a callow college
student living in London. I'd always assumed he broke up with me because of
our 12-year age difference and because I was returning to the States ... three
months after he broke up with me.
For some reason, he kept in touch over the next few years, though, I must admit,
once I got over him, I couldn't see why he still wanted to be friends. I was
even more amazed when, last fall, he announced his intention to visit me in
California. But what happened when he visited was the craziest part of all --
we fell for each other all over again!
Things are so much better this time -- I imagine it is because, at the ripe
old age of 23, I've finally matured enough to have a real relationship with
him. I've even decided that our previous "relationship" was nothing more than
groundwork for the fabulous time we had when he came to visit three years later,
and I have resolved to let nothing from that time influence my feelings or decisions
now. He only stayed for a week, but it was wonderful and he cried when I took
him to the airport. Since then, we've been bridging the 5,000 mile gap with
daily e-mail and ICQ.
We planned the trip to Switzerland as a stopgap, and I'm really looking forward
to it, but frankly I can't see where this is headed. I mean, neither of us is
talking about moving to the other's city, so it's not like one of those temporary
long distance relationships with an end in sight. My life is still flexible
enough that I could, conceivably, get a job in London (a lifelong dream), but
then what? We've both acknowledged that although we're nuts about each other,
we don't consider each other The One. And while I'd love the chance to date
him for a few years anyway, I get the feeling his biological clock is ticking
and he'd like to settle down.
This all sounds very no-nonsense, but there's obviously a deep emotional attachment
or I wouldn't be writing you. My head seems to think he's not gonna be the father
of my children, but my heart can't stay away from him -- and he says he feels
the same way. I feel like I'm setting myself up for heartbreak, but whoa! I'll
put myself in your capable hands and sign off...
--The Artist Formerly Known as "Frito Nose"
Well! I'm glad to see you've at least graduated from
Frito-Lay to Chocolat Frey. And this
does sound fabulous and un-let-go-able! The Alps! London! Dramatic airport farewells!
But you know, this liaison doesn't necessarily have to tick-tock
along according to some grand set plan. You're still young, as we old
folks like to say. Could you store some of your feelings in this Swiss account
for now ... and then talk frankly about how loud his personal Big Ben
is going bong-bong? Neither of you should wait and pine and have things on hold
(or 5,000 miles apart) forever, but -- at least right now -- a premature/preemptive
strike against heartbreak strikes me as ... dull, unadventurous, missing the
point of passion. Live, ski, love. When
the time come to take
a position, you'll know.
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