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Dear Breakup Girl,

For the last six months, I have been having an affair with a married woman who has two children. I really am in love with her, and I know that she is truly in love with me. One of reasons that she is unable to leave her husband at this time is that financially, he has her trapped. They live in a beautiful little house in a perfect little neighborhood with nice cars. Everything. But he controls all of the money. She only works three days a week and has to pay certain bills. He makes and controls all of the big money and pays for most of everything.

Also, if he finds out that she is dating a woman, he will use his money and his parents' money to get the best lawyers to take her kids away from her. We have been so careful so that he does not find out, but in doing so, our relationship suffers and we are afraid that we are going to ruin it before we have a chance to really get started. We have not been able to break it off either because there is such a strong bond between us ... and we work together. I know that I have to break up with this woman, but I do not seem to be able to. I love her. So do I just stay in this place and wait for her or crush both of us by quitting my job and breaking it off?

--JS

Dear JS,

I know this is nightmarishly wrenching, so I really, really don't mean to be flip. But the fact of the matter is: poor people break up. If she already works three days, she's hireable -- there or somewhere else -- for more. I know the kids are a massive concern, too, but still. If her priority is to be with you -- or at least to not be languishing in a blah marriage -- then she should think of ways around these (admittedly huge) roadblocks. See, 'cause sometimes you don't have the solution until you have the problem, know what I mean?

So here's the key: instead of wishing and flailing and wondering and suffering, you two need to sit down and hammer out the "No, Really" Scenario. If you want to -- must -- be together, then what has to happen? Hint: Step One (and it's a doozy) is she has, somehow, to leave. Following doozies: healing and dealing, figuring out -- waaaaay down the road -- whether to be out at work. Or whether one of you is going to leave.

If she is, gulp, actually not going to leave, then you have to move to the next scenario. Hint: if you stay together, someone will find out. (Subsequent hint: read your second paragraph.) That's when you must decide what you need to do for you. Leave your job? Leave town? I don't know. Whatever you do, please don't leave yourself hanging until they make American Beauty II.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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