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Dear Breakup Girl,

Well, it's that time of year again: High School Prom Date Time. I know it seems silly, but since it's my senior year and I know I'll have lots of fun, I figure I should find myself a date. So, the first person I think of is this boy, we'll call him "Steve," whom I've been pretty good friends with recently. I used to have a huge crush on Steve, but I got over the fact that he never really thought of me in that way, so now we just hang out and have a good time together. So, I finally get the guts to ask Steve to the prom, thinking he would say yes -- but no luck. He says, "Well, I kind of had other plans." Then he tells me how he wants to ask one of my good friends. He says he doesn't want to make a big deal of the whole prom thing, so he just wants to go with a friend. He tells me that going with her and going with me is basically the same thing, yet he still wants me to give him a week to ask her first. I'm torn for a couple reasons:

First of all, I know my friend doesn't really want to go (because of her background and religion, she doesn't really date guys right now), but the only chance that she would go is with him. So, I really want him to go with her. But the only guy I ever wanted to go with was him, so if she goes with him, then I don't really know if I want to even go at all. I can't help but feel bad about the fact that he said going with both of us was the "same," because we're all friends, yet he wants to ask her first anyway. I'm very confused right now, and I was wondering what you could make of all this.

--Preoccupied with Prom

Dear Preoccupied with Prom,

Oh, blech. Good on ya for up and asking in the first place, but yeah: the last thing you want your prom theme to be is "Plan B." Of course you would have wanted to hear a psyched "Sure!" -- and in any case, I know you'd at least like to be rated better than "same." Though, PP, I'd gently caution you to consider that his explanation about whom he wants to twirl on the floor is...spin. Well-intentioned feelings (yours)-sparing PR. Because, well, I hate to say it, but if it really were all the same to him, he'd have accepted your gracious invite on the spot and spared himself the bother. Remember, though, that even if Steve's considering LIKEliking your friend, I'm sure your long-sought "friend" status with him remains more than intact.

And about prom. If (assuming your friend accepts) you don't want to go, I won't force you to go in Prom Principle (though I don't think this is a big enough blow to call for a boycott). If an itty part of you still does want to, all is not lost. Remember, Steve is: the first person you thought of. Maybe you haven't thought of anyone else because ... you haven't thought of anyone else. Necessity breeds ... boys. I'm not saying you should cast about just to find A Date, ANY Date. But I think that if you take on the project of finding someone new, you won't be "the same."

Okay, but who? Well, listen. When I was (gasp!) turned down by whatzisname at Breakup Boys' School, the remaining pickins looked Kate-Moss-slim. Until it occurred to me to think outside the box-step and ask someone I knew from summer community theater in my town! Score. We never became more than friends, but that prommy fizz made it at least flirtatious. In short, we had an excellent time, and not just because we knew the polka from "The King and I." (Feel better, everyone? Even BG had to go with Plan B.)

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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