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June 5, 2000   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

This one is about pets...not the existing ones from broken families/relationships, but those that have yet to join one.

My fella and I moved in together a few weeks ago. Before the dust has even settled he is talking about puppies. Not one, but two -- who will need a lot of attention because they belong to a super-smart breed that needs "work" and "things to do" like herding sheep or small children. He already has them picked out and has committed to the owner/guardian that he's taking them.

Ummm...without my really wanting them. We both work more than full-time, just moved into a house, with a yard, I can barely keep the plants alive and don't feel like he and I have much time together anyhow. Honestly, I don't really want them or at least I'm not ready for them. Anyhow. He's agreed to train them, not let them on the furniture, make sure someone can feed them when we leave town and tried to allay my fears...but I still don't want them, at least not yet.

I've asked him to wait a bit 'til I didn't feel so overwhelmed with the move, new town, new giant house with yard, and living with him and establishing a new routine or to consider just getting one. His response was just that the opportunity was presenting itself now and why can't I just accept them?

One note: we were having a rough time about six months ago. We were talking about buying a house and living together but I kept bringing up how he wouldn't tell me he loved me (and still won't). It was something I needed before I made such a big step with him. He broke up with me, bought a house on his own and then we got back together. I got evicted (new owner wanted my flat) and it seemed logical to move in. So I still didn't get my "I love you."

I'm so afraid that with any big decision where he doesn't get his way he's going to push me away, do what he wants and then see what happens with us. I don't know if I should let this play itself out and see what he decides, or make a big issue about it now. It's already got me so steamed. He told his entire family all about the new puppies he was getting at the mom's day brunch we hosted on Sunday without batting an eye my direction.

Please answer quickly, these puppies are going to be ripe real quick and I'm already scanning the apartment listings.


Dear Monshoo,

Scan away. Even if he knows exactly what he is getting into with these dogs and will truly raise them right (which is an IF the size of Marmaduke), it is not clear that he knows exactly what he's gotten into with you. (Hint: A relationship.) Seems as if you've moved into his house, on his terms (all but those "of endearment"). Please, sweetie, train yourself to sniff out people who are kinder to humans.

Breakup Girl

PS Whenever/wherever you go, please print this out and give it to him. May or may not have an effect, but BG might sleep a little better.

PPS Herding small children?

PPSS Hi Sniffey! Good dog!



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