Home Breakup Girl To The Rescue! - Super-Advice from Lynn Harris




Big To Do
About Us

July 3, 2000   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

I live in an upper class suburb. I hate it; I usually tell people I live in a suburb a few away, so they don't think I'm a snob... immediately; I'm really ashamed of this whole middle/upper class thing. I went to a friend's house last weekend for her 19th birthday. She lives in a really nice suburb, but it doesn't have the "rich, upper class reputation" like mine.

I met this really sweet boy, Jack, at her party. As usual, I told him I lived a few suburbs away from where I really do. He doesn't live in the nicer suburbs, and I don't care at all, but I'm starting to wonder if I do, because if it didn't bother me, then I wouldn't be asking.

I'm afraid that if it does work out and we do start seeing each other, he won't want to see me because of this very reason. I don't want him to see my house. I'm not going to lie; it's huge. My parents were lucky and worked hard. And, we have a large family. I know you will probably say, "If he does think you're a bad person because of where you live, he's not worth it." I know that. Fair enough. You are completely right. But it's come to the point where I don't want him here at all if it works out. (I think it might; I'm pretty crazy about him.) I've been thinking about it heaps.

What do I tell myself? Do I tell him that I have this huge weight on my shoulders about people thinking I'm a snob? I'm not. I think snobbery is a horrible thing. I wish we all were one class; life would be much easier. Another problem is that my friends are slightly snobby. They say they don't care, but I think they would. I know I shouldn't worry what my friends say, but if they're your friends you will worry what they think. Can you please just reassure me?


PS Does anyone else have the same problem?

Dear Anti-Snob,

I know your intentions are sincere. And I don't want to underestimate the "subdivisions" deep enough to outlive Rush. But undertaking a series of shenanigans just to keep him away from your house would be (a) patronizing, and (b) a John Hughes movie. See, you're worried that he'll make assumptions based on the zip code/square feet of where you live. But aren't you kinda doing the same thing to him? I know you don't MEANmean this, but there's a weeeee bit of "Poor people can't deal" going on here. You may or may not know Jack, as it were. You're assuming he'll feel uncomfortable, intimidated, whatever, just because he may be of somewhat less substantial means. And even if -- if -- he is uncomfortable, that doesn't mean he wouldn't also be brave enough to date you anyway.

Not to mention: Only BG and her readers know the true reason for your hesitation. Wouldn't he -- or whoever -- be more likely to take it to mean that you are a snob? ( I mean, when we heard that Tori Spelling blew off Monica, we didn't think she was being magnanimous.)

Anti-Snob, it's good to be mindful of potential differences in status (so that you don't say born-with-a-silver-foot-in-your-mouth things like "Where do you summer?" to the guy who shucks the clams), but to make assumptions/decisions based on them that might rule people out. So about what your friends would think, well, it's okay -- and natural -- to care, but that doesn't mean you have to act accordingly. They'll deal. And about Jack: no more geography fibs. Let him see your house when the time comes. Don't delay artificially: that'll make the issue -- even the house -- seem bigger than it is. And when he does, don't apologize. Let your principles shine and speak for themselves, and he'll see not the girl in her mansion, but the girl in your letter.

Breakup Girl

PS Your PS: excellent question. Any shoutouts?



blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

Advice Archive
BG Glossary
Breakups 101

Web BG.net

Hey Kids! Buy The Book!
Available at Amazon