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Dear Breakup Girl,
Last summer, I wrote you
about my (seemingly) inexplicable tendency to get into relationships with Wrong
Men, a.k.a. Not Very Smart, (whereas I'm a hard core academic) and Serious Substance
Abuse Issues (whereas I'm sober 24-7-365). The problem turned out to be not-so-inexplicable,
however, as you gave some great advice and helped me get perspective. So I chilled,
stopped dating for a while, learned to quell the lusty "Yeah he's a dawg,
but he's hot, grrrr!" impulses, and have basically stayed out of trouble.
Now I have the opposite problem: I'm dating a guy who's too
good for me. Mr. Wrong gets traded for Mr. Too Right.
I know what you're thinking. "Too good for you? Grrl,
have confidence! Love yourself! You deserve the best, so how can a man be too
good?" Normally, I'd be right there with you. But Breakup Girl, this guy
really is just too much. He is like the paragon of every ideal character trait
I'm looking for. The talent. The brains. The personality. The oh-my-God sexiness
factor. And (here's the kicker) he's a semi-celebrity (actor/musician and if
told you who it is, Breakup Girl, you would know who I mean) and rising fast.
As in, basically B-list now and possibly A-list within a year or two. And I
I am a real world, low key, non-celeb girl. My talent is academic,
nothing that will ever get me in the spotlight. His life, meanwhile, is about
studio contracts, award ceremonies, signing autographs, and guest appearances
on national television. He is happy to share it all with me, but I have nothing
like that to share with him. I wish I did so I could feel more like an equal.
Apart from that though, we have so much in common, it's incredible. We have
great conversations for hours and love doing all the same things. The sexual
chemistry between us is off the charts, and he totally seems to dig me. But
I'm still gripped with the paralyzing fear that he will get bored with me. I
worry I will fall in love with him and then lose him and be crushed. And
then I'll have to see his face all over TV and magazines and that could make
breakup recovery ridiculously painful.
He's so adorable, Breakup Girl, and for some reason I cannot explain,
he seems as smitten with me as I am with him. When he acts like he's
the lucky one to be with me, I can't even get my mind around that thought. It's
unfathomable. How can I shape up?
-- "Plain" Jane
Dear "Plain" Jane,
I am not even gonna try to guess
who he is, 'cause I'm afraid I'll be right.
Anyway, look, Jane, anyone would
be nervous about dating a rising star,
and not just because Gregoire can be counted
on to put you both in your place. Are you kidding me? Anyone could get
that "What does he see in me through the paparazzi's glare?" complex.
Anyone could feel less-glam-than-thou. Anyone could wonder why
he's not dating Sheryl Crow instead.
And frankly, anyone would be nervous
about dating anyone who's "the paragon of every ideal character
trait" one's looking for. Hey, no pressure to get it "right!"
And not just in order to stay out of the gossip columns. I mean, Jane,
it was easy when they were wrong, wasn't it? You didn't have to worry about
care and feeding. You didn't have to worry about making it last longer than
the hit of the week. And when it ended, there was an obvious "incompatible"
(and "there I went again") diagnosis, wasn't there? But now -- you
worry -- it would be, like, you. That's scarier than those Justin-Britney
rumors. This guy is A-list, for you. And Jane, the more it matters, the
more you freak. Makes sense. More sense, even, than the simplest
What to do? I'm not sure quite how
to tell you to do this, but: find a way to trust that he probably loves that
you aren't part of his world. Trust that you bring plenty to the
table. Trust that you're probably, like, the only normal down-to-earth person
he's dealt with since who knows when. Find a way to do that, and I bet you guys
will stay off the charts no matter where he is on them.
"Should I be mad that he's not coming to my Polynesian dance event?"