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August 28, 2000   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


As Tamala Edwards also notes: "Single women are used to hearing this complaint, and most don't buy it. 'Some in my family think I'm not stopping till I find perfection,' says Henneberry. 'I don't feel like that. I just want the one who makes me go, Finally.'"

Yeah. First of all, if anything, many women who write to me are asking for way too little. Second of all, sure, that may be what we "want," but we know it's not what we get. Women -- and men -- understand that there's a difference between settling and jiggering expectations, thank you very much. In fact, we know full well that doing so often helps us wind up with someone better, in ways we never expected. We know that thoughtfully/self-knowingly determined standards and needs are unrelated to wish-list wants. And we know that at the end of the day/date, Gut Feeling beats Checklist the way scissors beats paper.


Well. You have DoTelled me about your dealbreakers, and very eloquently/generously/Kirn-refutingly, I might add:

"Most dealbreakers [well, these are more like peeves, but anyway -- BG] end up being one more thing to love about a boyfriend and the thing I end up missing the most. My last boyfriend was a nighttime mouth-breather, never cut his toe nails, insisted on shopping exclusively at Ross, and watched Sports Center incessantly. Two weeks without him and I think I'd cry if I tried to watch a baseball game on TV, and at night I kind of miss those little scratches on my legs from his talons." -- Amanda

But honestly, the most shoppinglisty things I've heard from men and women, all these years, basically go something like, "He has to like dogs and olives. Ideally." Well, okay, that's me. So I want to know: men and women -- what are the silliest items on your "checklist" (or auto-disqualifier list)? No Birkenstocks? No women who spend weekends on the Hamptons? No "lawyers who don't want to be lawyers?" No superheros? (All those, I've heard.) What, if any, are the ugliest? Salary / square-foot minimums? Ex-girl/boyfriend maximums? (Those, never.) The ones you say you have but really don't? The one you said you'd never budge on...but you did? This is where you get to admit and laugh at it. This is where we get to prove that maybe we've got lists tucked away somewhere, but they're written on filmy rice paper that we'll stuff in our mouths and swallow when The Opposite -- or at least Close Enough -- asks us to dance.


So, gals and guys, bring 'em on. What are your "I don't date..."s and your "I date only..."s ? Do Tell! We'll make a definitive list. And hey, if you ask nicely, maybe we'll mix and match.

Predicament of the Week: "Do you choose safety and security, or passion and uncertainty?"

Do Tell!
BG needs you to help her write her future columns! Inquiring superheros want to know:
Dating Violence: Help BG help others! Do you have a tale to tell?
Living Together? Since BG's only ever lived with friends/plants, well, did you do it? Did it change your relationship? What helped it work -or- any advice for handling this more cumbersome of breakups? (That part's for you, Clamstrung!)
How did you MEETmeet? We've got the Big To Do; let's hear from you, too. What advice do you have for finding keepers? (This is for you, Bethany!)
Something old? How old ...were you when you got married? The first time? Or decided not to? Does the "age" in marriage matter? (This is for you, Crystal!)
Single parents: How do you deal with dating? (This is for you, CJanelleS!)
Dealbreakers: I've been asked to print "the definitive list." Bring 'em on!

Do Sell!
The Affirmatron! New! Animated T.L.C.
That quaint medium known as "print!" Enjoy BG's books new and old!
Hearing voices? Check out the audio version of BG's book (read by BG herself, even though the headphones at the studio made her hair look funny)!

Predicament of the Week: "Do you choose safety and security, or passion and uncertainty?"


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