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Dear Breakup Girl
I am a 30-year-old divorced mom of one boy dating a 38-year-old never-married
dad of two girls. We've been together (and inseparable!) for six months. He's
sweet, funny and absolutely wonderful to me and my son. Last weekend I met his
family (the entire family...mom, brother, sister, aunt, daughters!) for
the first time. They were all wonderful and it was the first time his daughters
had ever seen him in a relationship...and they loved me! So with all of this
"wonderfulness," what's the problem?!
Well, when I went to what I assumed to be "his" house, I realized that he
was living there with his mom, his older brother (39) and his younger sister
(32). They are a close family and seem to get along great, but when is close
too close? After all, they are all adults and the house is their
mom's (his father passed away in 1986).
I don't know if I am just being paranoid (because my ex-husband's mother called
to tell him good night every night while we were married!), or if this
is a legitimate concern. Please give me your view. Thanks!
-- Doubtful in Texas
Dear Doubtful in Texas,
Well, I'd like to think that since you two have
been "inseparable" for six months, you would have caught on if he
had serious separation issues of his own
(nighty-night calls, mother attending dates, etc.). Or, conversely/arguably,
if he had that creepy a secret to keep, you still wouldn't know.
Then again, it does seem strange that his housing arrangement
hadn't yet, like, just come up. If I were you -- depending on what future you
envision and what institutions you believe in -- the trunk in his attic that
I'd pry open would be the one holding the story about how he got to be never-married
yet twice-daddied. Is it a commitment thing? An "unplanned" thing
(well, two)? I'd probably bring that up no matter where he lived, but somehow
it all seems to fit. Also: if you two wanted to get, you know, permanently inseparable,
where would you live? Could he deal with...not there? Those, I think, are the
issues that concern you most directly -- and that will help you figure out if
that flag flying outside that house is the big red kind.
"What is the proper way for a girl to
ask a boy to marry her?"