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October 9, 2000 e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

In observance of Columbus Day, BG would like to honor something without which the world would, indeed, be a little flatter. I hereby declare this week the official breakupgirl.net

Crush Week 2000!

Let's take a quick voyage to debunk a few crush myths.

Crush Myth #1. If I have a crush, I have to act on it.

According to Word Wizard, the use of the term "crush" in a romantic context dates from the late 19th century and is meant to convey the sense "of such emotions 'crushing' their object."

Good heavens! How positively ponderous! BG much prefers to think of the term as dating from the early 20th century (1906) and meaning to convey the sense "of such emotions making one feel all fizzy and bubbly and bright shades of orange and grape-y."

You guys: crushes, like thoughts, are there for you to have. And, ideally, to enjoy as sweet and tasty ends in themselves. Acting on them is separate. This distinction comes in especially handy if you're crushing on someone in (a) your office, (b) your family, (c) your television set, or (d) a formal commitment to someone else. It can at least buy you some time as you decide your next move.

(By the way, said "move" could simply be getting a leg up to peek into some window of your soul. Let's say you really want someone you really...can't have, at least not now. What else in your life does that torch you're carrying illuminate? Does this person offer a helpful template of the attributes you dig and value most -- except "available" and/or "appropriate" -- and that you will use to guide you in your search for someone who has all or most of those things? Or: does your crush shed some light on what you don't like about available people [Eek! Risk!]? Or -- in extreme cases -- what you don't like about your life? Crushes, like fantasies, are data.)

Crush Myth #2. If someone has a crush on me, s/he'll show it.

Either that, or s/he won't. (Also see Slow Flag Man.) Total toss-up, and a totally non-helpful one at that. But it could really be that: the bigger the crush/the shyer the crusher, the mummer the word. You may have to do your own reconnaissance.

Crush Myth #3. If I have a crush on someone, there's no risk-free way to find out if they crush me back.

That's about as right as Tom Selleck was for the part of King Ferdinand! Please sail over and discover eCrush!

Meanwhile...more Crush Week features at breakupgirl.net:

    Today: Breakup Girl recommendseCrush!

    Tuesday: A Gregoire Crush Special!

    Wednesday: The Big to Do presents "Crush Conversion!"

From the BG's crush archives:

    A Breakup Girl Comic Adventure: "Crushed!"

    BG Advice: Crushing on a friend?

    Gregoire presents Oddball Celebrity Crushes:
    His Own, Yours, and More of Yours!

    The So Totally Crushable Boys of O-Town!

And now for your crush-related letters (brief column this week, to give you plenty of time for crush management):

Predicament of the Week: "I have a crush on my teacher's son!"


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