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Dear Breakup Girl,
I am SO OVER HIM, I really am. Having bought your book and followed its wisdom,
I even have a spiffy (better!) new boyfriend. But I worry that I'm a bad
person 'cause I am sort of obsessed with my ex's new girlfriend, who is richer,
thinner, and more Society than me. I am not exaggerating, she's got a Celebrity
Hair Stylist and everything. He must be all "God, how could I have gone
out with that cow when I now have this beauty?" And I worry I'll bump into
her at the supermarket (though probably she sends a serf to do her shopping)
and she'll look at me and sneer. Why do I care? It's really annoying me.
-- Out of Groceries
Dear Out of Groceries,
The way I see it, you are actually fortunate that this Lord of the Flies with
shopping serfs is a huge heinous society babe with Celebrity Hair. Let's say,
instead, that your non-spiffy ex had started dating someone REALLY SIMILAR TO
YOU. Then you'd really have something to worry about. Even though you are over
him (I believe you!), you'd be comparing yourself to her on a much less
superficial, much more meaningful -- and thus much more intimidating -- level.
Not "What if he likes her better because she got to take him to that party
that Shalom Harlow and whats-her-name von Furstenburg were at?" but
"What if he likes her better because...she's a better person?"
Trust me, it's better this way.
P.S. Would it help if a rumor got spread that the next
hot Celebrity Hair Style is the revival of the Dorothy Hamill? Breakup Girl
will make some calls.
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