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March 9, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Special Announcement: Breakup Girl got into trouble last week.

First of all, let me just assert that one of the most terrifying developments of the modern age has been the emergence of mothers on the Internet.

It appears that Breakup Mom, who dutifully reads and points out typos in this column every week, was not thoroughly convinced that last week's Predicament was adequately handled. (As she delicately put it, "It may have been a funny joke, but you really blew her off.")

Had anyone else made this comment, BG would have said, "Omigod, really? Let me attend to that right away!" But when B. Mom said it, BG replied, "Oh yeah? I couldn't even follow the question. If you're so smart, what would YOU have told her?!"
And B. Mom (who has had a lot more free time since BG moved out in 1986) then promptly -- and, if I may add, brilliantly
-- explained the whole thing.

So now, BG, appropriately chagrined -- but this time, not grounded -- offers this new, improved response to last week's featured letter.

But no, you guys may not have B. Mom's e-mail address. You still have to write to me.

Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm in a very complicated situation here... A guy friend and two girl friends of mine are in this love-rectangle, if you can call it that. Girl-friend-A thinks Guy-friend likes her, Guy-friend likes Girl-friend-B, and sadly, I like Guy-friend. Girl-friend-B doesn't know that Guy-friend likes her (at least I didn't tell her), but Girl-friend-A does now... and she doesn't hang out with us anymore... since she's been telling everyone that she think Guy-friend likes her... I personally can't stand him talking about Girl-friend-B to me, thinking that I can help him out... and since Girl-friend-A doesn't hang out with us anymore, I have become the unspoken third wheel. On top of that, Girl-friend-B told me that she'll never go out with Guy-friend, because she thinks of him as a brother, and she also likes someone else. I know that she might just be saying that to shoot down the topic, that she still might go out with him... but the way she's flirting with the other guy makes it very believable that she won't go out with him.

The four of us were the best of friends before all of this has happened. And now I'm dreading the future, when he tells her he loves her. What should I do? And should I stop hanging out with Guy-friend and Girl-friend-B? Just because of this? I don't want to lose this friendship. But I want to spare my own feelings. Should I tell her that he likes her? Should I tell him that she doesn't like him? Should I keep my big mouth shut, not hang out with them, and find new friends? But they're one in a million. But it kills me just by being with them. Seeing the way he looks at her...Why does love always get in the way?

-- Titi

Breakup Mom responds:
"What do I think she should do, you ask???? Oy, yet another example of the perils of having an 'interesting' offspring.

Well, okay, the situation is simple. Once upon a time there were four friends--3 gals and a guy. First gal decided, wrongly, that the guy was interested in her and therefore dropped out of the foursome. Actually, however, the guy is interested in a DIFFERENT one of the gals--the infamous Girlfriend B. Letterwriter knows this because the guy has confided in her, which makes Letterwriter sad because of course SHE is interested in the guy. To make things worse, Letterwriter knows that Girlfriend B, the object of his affection, is NOT interested in him at all and indeed has another interest.

So Letterwriter is sad. Not only does the guy she likes not return her affection, but she fears losing two good girlfriends. So, Letterwriter asks, what should she do? Tell the guy of her feelings and Girlfriend B's LACK of feeling? Tell Girlfriend B the truth? Tell the guy the truth? Pretend none of this has happened and try to salvage the friendships?

Seems to me that the friendships, as they once were, are already beyond repair, no matter what Letterwriter does. Things have changed forever as love, or the lack thereof, has crept in. So Letterwriter might as well chance it and fess up to Girlfriend B first, telling her that the guy likes Girlfriend B, but that since Girlfriend B doesn't seem interested, could Letterwriter try to
capture him. And then Letterwriter should fess up to the guy. If things don't work out, Letterwriter's ego might get banged around, but it's bruised already, and she's already in pain. Letterwriter might also lose two girlfriends, but those relationships are already in jeopardy. If things DO work out, well there you go. The point is, things are already in disarray, and there's no going back--a sad reality that Letterwriter has to face. I'd just bring them to a head and get things over with, one way or the other.

Breakup Mom has spoken."



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