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September 14, 1998   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 15 and I have been best friends with Kristin since the sixth grade. Last year she moved to the next town, where I have met all her new friends and become very acquainted with them. One boy in particular really catches my eye, Sherman. He had a relationship with a girl named Jessica who also lives in the neighborhood but nothing went on beyond peck kissing. So they broke up cuz Sherman wasn't "gettin any" and then they suddenly became so intense and began being really touchy-feely. Jessica, being a snot-nosed little tease, tells everyone she wants to sleep with Sherman but won't even kiss him so she won't appear to be a slut.

Anyways, so one week I went to Kristin's house and Sherman and I kept stealing those little "looks" at each other. One lucky evening I was fortunate enough to grab a moment outside on the front porch with Sherman. I told him I thought Jessica was a tease and that he should drop her, to which he replied that he was planning on it. He asked me if I had a boyfriend back home to which I replied no and then we got into this big long convo about what we're looking for in the opposite sex. SOOO... I was sure something was going to happen out there on the porch but JESSICA opened the door and asked Sherman to come in and watch a movie with her.

The few nights after were the same as the first few, staring, twirling hair, brushing elbows... blah blah blah... then I went home.

Sherman and thoughts of him didn't leave my mind once since then, and the week after that he told Jessica he wanted to be friends with her. Then that night for some strange reason they ended up in their usual position, lying next to each other on Kristin's bed watching another movie... snuggling... cuddling... *grrr.*

Anyways, so now Jessica is talking about how she is so scared Sherman will leave her and how she might sleep with him so he won't, but everyone knows she won't do anything. Sherman is obviously under some kind of spell because otherwise he would've forgotten about Jessica, that's just the kind of guy he is.

What I'm wondering is if

a) Sherman has the hots for me

b) I should do something about it and

c) how I should go about it.


-- Lisa

Dear Lisa,

a) Maybe.

b) No.

c) Not applicable.

Look, I don't know what Sherman and Jessica's real deal is, but they're obviously together -- on Kristin's bed, if not on official public record. And for you, that means: no poaching. If they really really break up, then we'll talk. Now.

d) I am going to give a speech that you didn't ask for. First of all, I am sick sick sick of girls who have sex being "sluts" and boys who have sex being "boys." And girls who only peck being "teases." MAYBE THEY ARE DOING ONLY WHAT THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH, END OF STORY. And/but then they talk a big game because of the coolness and pressure and popularity and everyone's-doing-it factors. What-EVER. Click here for further ranting.

Beyond that, you are all Way Too Young to be tossing around terms like "sleeping together," whether or not you are actually doing it (P.S. Don't). Lisa, I don't know what your own history is; that's beside the point. I'm just saying that all y'all's casual tone about this matter gave me the wow-times-have-changed willies. I KNOW I sound like a dumb old grownup. But hey, most 30-year-olds are way too young to be doing it, too. We are all messing with fire. It's not about being Good or doing what is Right. It's this: do not underestimate how complicated sex makes things emotionally, not to mention how UNFUN sex is when things are that complicated. Look how much of an issue sex is in this whole thing already, and, presumably, Jessica hasn't even done it! I am not asking you to be a kid and [not] do it "because I said so;" I am asking you to be a grownup and trust me on this one. Now go find some guy in your town who wants to go out with you because he gets: a cool girlfriend. Not: "some."

Breakup Girl



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