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CHRISTMAS BONUS: LOOK
Dear Breakup Girl,
The last time I wrote, I was pretty much prepared to let things be between
me and JG. Much to my surprise, the turn of events prompted me to write
This is what had happened : I continued to see JG pretty regularly, albeit
in some limbo sort of way. I DID tell her in passing how I felt about her,
although I didn't phrase it in the way I had to you in my letters. The
predictable response was that things were kind of uncertain and she was not
really sure what she could/would do about it. That was a reasonable answer. And
I accepted it.
Your Dec 7th column about whether people should
stay or go was kind of interesting. I always thought that two people should
come together when they are in the same place, similar frame of mind, reach a
certain stage in their lives where they want or like to have a commitment, and
of course, in love. If one or the other person is not THERE, why force it? And
it's NOBODY'S fault. It just is. Call it life, fate or karma. No matter how
much it pains you, you CAN walk away. And when I walk away, I don't turn back.
I NEVER DO. It's good to hold a little angst in your heart. It keeps you
Anyway, what had transpired seemed somewhat unsatisfactory. It sort of like
eating apple pie without the vanilla ice cream, stir frying mixed vegetables
without oyster sauce, and stewing curry lamb without fresh coconut. It was sort
of like sitting in your BMW at the traffic light and the idling engine sounded
like Pavarotti having been kicked between the legs. It's not like it's going to
break down but may be you should talk to the boys at Auto Bavaria kind of
thingy. So, to cut it short, I still see JG but I stopped firing up the stove
As I've mentioned in one of my earlier letters, I have a group of very close
friends. We are very tight together. VERY TIGHT. One of them, nicknamed
"The Ugly One," upon meeting JG, had spoken highly of her. Something
along the line of "she's really nice, if she's not with you, I would want
to date her." This is a guy who had been single for the last six years and
not really dating a lot because this girl or that girl is "not his
type." But considering JG being a righteous babe, I'm not surprised he's
attracted to her. I wasn't threatened by the statement. Heck, it's a guy
Meanwhile, JG's relocation plan sunk and she is kind of stuck in Kuala
Lumpur for the foreseeable future. But it doesn't mean she's staying for good.
And one day JG called to ask for TUO's phone number. She said TUO had called
her office but did not leave his number. I gave her the number. My buddies and
I talk at least once on the phone everyday so obviously the subject came up. He
said they talked and I told him that it would be cool if he wants to date her.
It's not like he needs my blessing. But from one dude to another, I thought it
would be only right for me to offer some kind words. I am not particularly
concerned about how I would feel if they hook up and JG is part of this
tight-knit group as TUO's girlfriend rather than mine. I will be a gentleman
and nothing less.
When JG and I spoke next, I asked her if she managed to talk to TUO (of
course I knew the answer already). And she said yes. I told her TUO wanted to
date her and she should consider it, "because he's a nice guy. Weird, but
a nice guy nevertheless." JG then asked me if I was "dumping"
her. All I can say was that I never HAD her for me to dump her. You don't drop
someone you don't have. Our "relationship" was platonic. Okay, it was
more than just a friendship. But so what? I don't really know what label to put
on it. I don't want to either. Anyway, she was upset, to put it mildly. She may
not want to speak to me again. Fine, I'll deal. The buckeroo stops here.
I walked the righteous path, BG. I know I did. What wrinkles that need to be
ironed out, I leave it to TUO and JG. If JG still harbors feelings for me, I
don't think I want or should do anything more about it. What do you think?
In the meantime, I met a North American woman and we started dating. Let's
call her Karen. Karen is a couple of years younger, career woman, intelligent,
nice, and fairly attractive. We get along well. Really well. I am enjoying the
relationship very much. It's not a struggle all the time to do this
relationship thing with her and I rather like the stress- free nature of it.
So, I am going to do this thing with Karen and enjoy myself. I'm standing on my
balcony again; but this time, there's someone standing beside me.
I'll let you know if it works out. Is that okay?
-- El Duderino in Malaysia.
Yeah, you know, maybe I should talk to the boys at
I must say I find JG's behavior a bit odd: going
straight from Waffler to Dumped Party with not so much as an explicit
relationship in between. It's like going from the Brut to the Sauternes without
the main course. Like having the Pavarotti problem when you don't have a BMW in
the first place. Like ... oh, never mind.
But it may be instructive in this way: if anything
does happen between TUO and JG, let the record show -- for all of you worried
about looks -- that The
Ugly One got the girl.
And what do I think? Well, you said it yourself:
you don't think you want to work this one anymore. If you'd secretly
wanted my permission -- and, of course, if it weren't for Karen -- I'd have
said you were allowed One More Move. But if you say you can deal, then so can
I. And I have no doubt that you'll be nothing less than a gentleman.
But as much as I've ranted about your penchant for
drama, I couldn't help but notice that your description of the Karen thing had
all the romance of a BMW owner's manual. Okay, well, for some people that is
the love of a lifetime. But I think you know what I mean. I mean: Dude,
you're finally not alone on your balcony! ... and yet the prose in your
last paragraph is about as purple as a white eggplant. Not to mention that
your rhapsodies about your muse-alicious JG have gone from Shakespearean to,
What gives? I am so not trying to sabotage your
relationship, nor even to do any real doubt-seed sowage. But: where's the ice
cream? Where's the oyster sauce? Where's the fresh coconut?
In short, where's El Duderino? I miss him. I hope you
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