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Dear Breakup Girl,
I really don't know where to start..I have had many bad relationships in the
past few years, nothing that would last a couple of months..I have never had
any relationships during the holidays. I have always been alone. I am always
put down by everyone -- am told I'm too ugly or not good enough...
I'm a SWM, age 31, brown hair (bald on top), brown eyes, well-trimmed
moustache and beard,with a few extra pounds, but not many...
I am very well-educated, employed full time, own a home, and live well. But
something is missing. I don't think I can go on like this too much longer. I
live in West Virginia, and there are few dating services in this area. Most are
for much older people. I have tried the dating personals on the web and I have
met a few people -- most have rejected me, and others were handicapped in some
I have no friends or family in this area and live alone like a hermit. I
would often work out at the gym to meet people -- but have been shunned
wherever I go.
Somehow I get this feeling my Christmases are numbered. I'm having bad
thoughts about taking my life. I have no more tears, and no more smiles left.
My dreams are all but gone. Please help me. Who can I turn to?
First of all, if you think you are truly in danger,
please click here
immediately. And/or here.
Now remember, Breakup Girl is only a superhero, not a
trained psychologist (though there is one -- our own Belleruth -- who
helped her with this response). I'm not directly qualified to talk you all the
way down from this ledge. But in my capacity as defender and champion of
healthy relationships, I will say that where you need to turn is not to the
personals, not to the gym, but to: The Timster. To yourself, my friend. I know
that the holidays are hard, and it seems that the rest of the year is no picnic
for you, either. I know that being alone is hard, trying not to be alone and
being rejected is hard, feeling unattractive is hard, feeling like you have
"everything but" is hard. But, Tim.You need to find a way -- and
there are folks who are
qualified to help you with this -- to step away from
this self-pity spiral, from this pendulum that swings, paradoxically, between
"I'm not good enough" and "They're not good enough." Not
Belleruth recommends, perhaps, some kind of group
therapy, where you have the ears of understanding listeners, but also the
voices of support, feedback., and companionship. Maybe try calling the West
Virginia Psychological Association (304/523-8252 ) for a referral?
You can do this, Tim. It's not easy, and it won't be.
Take it slow, take it baby step by baby step, like an advent calendar: open up
one teeny little window at a time. Watch "It's A Wonderful Life," if
you can get yourself into the mood. 'Cause listen: it matters that you're here.
It just does. You don't have to, like, believe me right now. Just do your
absolute best, for now, to take it on faith. Which is an excellent -- and very
Christmasy -- way to start.
P.S. Peppermint-red Alert from BG: If anyone has any
words of support for Tim, been-there or otherwise, bring 'em on and I'll pass
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