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Dear Breakup Girl,

So I thought this would never happen to me, and I always smiled when I read other people's similar predicaments, but now I can't smile at them anymore because it has happened to me. What, you may ask, has happened? Well, I slept with a friend!

It was New Year's Eve and I went out with a few people. I looked good and felt great. This was evidenced by the number of males who tried to hit on me. Anyway, we went clubbing and had a super awesome time. Yes, we had a bit too much to drink, yes we were all in very high spirits, and yes we smoked cigars to see in the New Year. Then it happened, first it was a kiss (he kissed me so I wasn't the initiator). At first I thought, oh a New Year's kiss, that's sweet, but then it turned into more than just a New Year's kiss between friends.

Anyhow, one thing led to another and soon the two of us went to his car and you can guess the rest.

I am very embarrassed about this as it is totally unlike me and it wasn't half obvious to the rest of the group.

But, it was great nonetheless and an exciting if unusual (for me that is) way to spend New Year's. But now for the problem. He is quite a new friend (and I don't have very many at all). We also get on very well together. We even have the same religious beliefs (both are pagans in a city with literally a handful of us). And now, I haven't heard from him and think he may be equally embarrassed. What do I do? While the night was great, I would rather not lose a friend. At this point in my life I am more interested in increasing my circle of friends than lovers. (Although after being celibate for almost two years, I must say it all brought back powerful emotions).

Oh what to do? Breakup Girl, I bow to your sound judgment for guidance.

-- Never Thought it Would Be Me

Dear Never Thought,

Hey, it's been only a few days. Perhaps, yes, those few days may have felt, like, summer-solstice long. But a one-night stand (even if it turns out to be more) has at least a several-day recap-call window. So, Whatever. You don't have to wait for him, anyway. If you have something to say -- especially something as thoughtful and non-intimidating as the first draft you wrote above -- then drop a dime and say it.

Yep, judging from what you wrote above, you're well on your way. Say (maybe write a note? e-mail?) something like: "Wow, what an exciting -- if unusual, for me -- way to spend New Year's. And since I value our relationship -- whatever label it bears -- I just wanted to check in with you about what happened so that there doesn't have to be any sort of, like, loud silence between us. I really value you as one of my few new friends, especially given the beliefs that we share, and while I'm not necessarily against pursuing something further, I will also say that it's more important to me to not lose a friend than it is to wind up in your back seat again. That's my speech. What do you think? If you're not quite ready to tackle this, you can get back to me."

Okay? And by the way, what are you so "embarrassed" about? Your friends thinking you're, like, "easy?" Champagne/cigar breath? Oh, whatever.You may still have things to sort out, but you had a fun hookup with someone you genuinely like. Given the average level of decorum evident on December 31, if I were you, I'd resolve to give yourself a break.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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