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Dear Breakup Girl,
You would be the queen of my universe if you could just answer me this: Why
in holy hell and damnation does it have to pour just when it starts to
I wrote in recently about my breakup with Blue --
something I never even thought conceivable until it happened and knocked me off
my chair. I was at first overwhelmed with the whys and hows, but -- thanks to
you -- have accepted the unsolved mystery that once was our relationship; and I
made-up with NYC.
You'd be proud of me now, Breakup Girl, I have been doing very well. I read
through the Weetzie Bat series and other authors, have changed things around in
my apartment to be more "me" than him, took down or replaced photos,
bought a new mattress and sheets, took a new look at life and what I want out
of it and a relationship. I'm happy to be the free bird out of the cage, if you
will, and am pretty confident in the future, whether it has to do with boys or
But now that we're on the topic of boys ... let's run with that. You see, I
didn't realize how swiftly my world would be plunged back into that
ever-familiar deep, deep sea of available fishes. And just after batting one
boy off my life raft, I'm stuck fighting to keep my head above water because
the boys are weighing me down with "trust me" this and "you're
the universe" that.
My problem is that while I certainly wouldn't mind someone to love, I feel
like I'm holding myself back. I'm so cynical now. And I'm scared of getting
hurt or sticking with the wrong person for 3 more years only to find out they
aren't who they said they were. I look at couples in a bar and instead of
saying "How sweet and true," I say "Did you see him look over
her shoulder for that split second at that other girl? I give it two more
days." When I don't see straight through the crap some boys are dealing
out, I get too scared to even attempt to keep things with them going. I've
built a brick wall around myself. I never used to question my first instincts
and now I do it all the time.
And ... there's this boy, who a friend of mine is trying to pair me up with.
He is cute, sincere, working toward good goals in life ... seems to know who he
is and what he wants, and best of all: is interested in me -- at least
look-wise (he really hasn't had a chance to get to know me as a person yet).
But he's soooooo shy. We keep missing each other and when I actually do get to
talk to him, he can barely look me in the eye. Is he trustworthy? Worth it? If
he REALLY likes me, can't he just talk to me/approach me/email me/call me? I've
left all the avenues open, trust me. So, what's the deal? How do I get through
to this boy? Am I just looking through cynical-covered glasses again? What?
It's the same with a boy I've been emailing -- an old friend of mine from
college. We joke, talk, etc. but when it comes time to meet him in person even
friendship-wise (we've always had crushy feelings for each other), I come up
with anything -- snow storms, car problems, other plans -- just because I'm
waaaaaay nervous about getting my heart smashed again or getting involved with
the wrong guy again. Maybe it's that I don't see or do see Blue in every man I
meet ... and that can be great one minute, but annoying and aggravating the
What on this good earth has Blue done to me!? And to make matters worse, I
had to call him to find out what he wanted me to do with some things I had of
his that I thought he would prefer I didn't throw away. I called him at work
with the intent of being transferred into voice-mail and I ended up talking to
him. Now, the lonely, desperate liar is telling me he misses my friendship and
really misses me as his girlfriend. Well, understand that he would have to take
many, many dragonfly searching voyages over hell and high water to slither his
way back into my Band-Aid-covered heart, but PUH-LEASE! I believe that it's
just his lonely heart -- or what's left of a heart-- talking and not his true
feelings for me. What do you think? He said he was going to write me and tell
me why he wasn't honest and didn't communicate during our relationship, etc.
etc. YAWN, YAWN!!
This is all confusing, yes. All I want besides a new car and maybe
$1,000,000 is to have someone to cuddle with every now and again while watching
The X-Files. Is that too much to ask for? Why can't I pinpoint trustworthiness,
honesty, unselfish-ness, true feelings any more? What happened to boys who let
their heart take over? I believe they're out there. I mean somebody had to
write the screenplays for "Shakespeare in Love" and "Life is
Beautiful" ... and I'm sure some men were involved, right? So, what gives?
Where is my heart? How do I woo a shy boy? Better yet, how do I get myself to
want to woo a shy boy? What the hell, if any of us care, is up with Blue? And
why do I hold myself back/want to stay single/want to puke every time I think
of coupledom ... yet still want a date for Valentine's Day? Your realistic, yet
witty advice is always appreciated!! Concentrating on my own life right now ...
but keeping one eye always open for my Mr. Right --
-- Ms. Scarlet
Dear Ms. Scarlet,
This is not about Boys. It's about being Bitten, once.
Result: twice shy.
Hey, you know, the Blue thing was a big one, and it
wasn't very long ago, either. I assure you that the stuff you describe is an
accurate emotional report, but not a Problem. It's how people feel when they
have a past. This is your brain on dating. These are feelings to honor
and acknowledge, but not to build into a road block. If you're getting all
weird about these new fishies, fine. Maybe you're actually not quite ready to
move on; maybe you only feel like you Should like them because they're there
but you actually don't; maybe you like them/they like you and all sorts of
confusing and complicated feelings are coming up because [potential]
relationships are confusing and complicated -- not because of some sticky Blue
And about Blue. He is not a half-hearted liar. He is
giving you what you are giving me: an accurate emotional report. File it away
where you will, but don't bother resenting it.
You'll be fine, Scarlet. You are fine. Just be brave
on Sunday, when -- unless you somehow act fast -- lack of cuddle-partner for
Part 2 of the X-Files 2-parter AND lack of V-Day date will be one and the
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