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Dear Breakup Girl,
Thank you so much for your work, with BG being broken up is almost fun,
I'm a widow. This isn't so bad; we had already been legally separated for a
few years beforehand. The thing is that we had a beautiful/intelligent son
together... (now 7), who for a while had the distressing habit of asking my guy
friends, "Are you going to be my father?"
Not surprisingly this scared off quite a few guys, not that they needed much
encouragement. You see I seem to be attracted to the carefree, spiritual,
penniless, no-strings-attached, traveler type. (& have said before that
that's what I would probably be doing if childless). Just as an example in the
past week I've been attracted to a guy who lives outside in the nearby hills, a
monk and (unknowingly) someone whose already taken. If each of these is looked
at as a stereotype I've already been in relationships with all of them and
thought "maybe he's the one"... Because you see, just like my son
desires a family, I too would like to have a real partner who doesn't cringe at
the thought of my child. And is emotionally and financially equal with me.
Now I am attractive but I'm not getting picked up on by men frequently
(qualified or not). So, I've started emailing likely men in my area, because
though this is a hippy town I've heard that there are some "grownup guys
around". Also nearby is the hot bed of male potential, **Silicon Valley**.
Now the only problem is that I'm (probably not) a grown up myself.
I'm 28 but can pass for 22 or 23. Often I look like your average messy new
age (cough) hippy. I don't wear make-up, or have a stable job. And I'm not good
at flirting. Basically, I break all of "The Rules." Not that it
matters?? When I look at pics on the 'net the average 35 year old computer
programmer looks so old. Leading me to fantasize about the hell of living in a
godless Suburbia and being called "honey." I also cringe at the
wardrobe/makeup I'd need to invest into catching a keeping my "mate."
Dating today seems like some twisted consumerist plot!
What should I do? My friend is recently divorced with 2 kids and is ready to
party and sleep with all the cute hippy boys. Personally, I'm over it, but is
it realistic for me to find a sexy/intelligent/cool/into me as much as I'm into
him/non geek/spiritual/artistic/stable father-for-my-child [slash] husband? I
admit I cried when I watched my first episode of "Jesse."
Yes. Yes, it is. In the interest of not saying,
"Just be yourself and you'll meet someone!" let me say this: fake the
wardrobe and makeup and be the "Honey" that you hate, and you'll meet
someone ... on Halloween. I think you're better off than you think you are,
anyway. You are in a hotbed of smart employed men -- so smart and so
employed, perhaps, that they might be the male version of the forehead-slapping
"I forgot to get married!" Lichtensteiny cartoon. So yes, keep it up
with the e-mail: my guess is that you'll find a more-than-compatible [what I
call a] "But I'm Really A." As in "I write software for The Man
to make money, but I'm really a sculptor." Schwiiing!
Oh, and if you'd like some good resources for single
parents and the people who love them, try here. Maybe instead of Jesse.
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