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Dear Breakup Girl,
I have dealt with this problem as best as I could. I have ventured so far
as to use your lovely message board, and
yet, I find myself at a point of such necessity that advice from the superhero
herself must be sought.
I introduced my best friend to my guy friend. My best friend started to
a crush on my guy friend at the same time she had a crush on another guy. I
also liked my guy friend but backed off, figuring it would just be easier to
let her go for him. Part of this insane move was because I had a low self image
at the time. After two months, I learn my guy friend has feelings for me. I
have feelings for him. My best friend, after I told her that if she didn't want
me to date him then I wouldn't, told us to go for it. We did. We are now happy.
Three months have just passed for us.
For a while, my best friend was fine hanging out with us as a couple and
got adjusted and used to the idea. I thought things were going okay, that we
had reached some Zen-like peace until she informed me, a month or so into my
relationship, that she didn't like the PDA (Public Displays of Affection). She
went so far as to complain about this to the point that she declared our
over since I wouldn't relent on the issue.
Now, BG, I know you're a big promoter of compromise when possible over
conflict. I am too, but all my boyfriend and I do in front of people is hold
hand, or sometimes he has his arm around me. What bothers me about the
is my friend was friends with a couple, at the time, that did far more than
what we did in front of people. These people did some serious stuff that is
better off remaining unsaid in a public forum. Furthermore, to prove her point
she went so far as to discuss events for which she was not present to use as
evidence that our PDA was out of control. The events which she described as
hearing were nothing close to the truth, and she refused to except the truth
from the horse with the mouth. We were finally able to get over the issue, and
she relinquished her statement of our dissolved friendship. Again, I thought
we had reached a Zen-like peace until she informs me that again the PDA
her. By this point our PDA had gone to such levels that I was afraid to touch
my boyfriend's shoulder to get him to turn around so I could ask him what he
wanted to drink with the traditional pepperoni pizza we were in the habit of
eating in a local restaurant. I was afraid to hold his hand because what if
it offended her? Would she call off our friendship again?
Two weeks after she had informed me of this she again brought up events for
which she was not present, and again I found myself standing ground defensively
with the statement, "But you know people who are so much worse than we are!"
Yet she insists they are not. She even canceled plans with my boyfriend and
me to play pool with her potential boyfriend because we are "too much like a
couple." She made those plans with my sister, with whom she is also friends,
because my sister and her boyfriend are "more like friends." Now my question,
O Mighty Goddess of Broken Hearts, do I never touch my boyfriend in any way
when my friend is around for fear of setting her off? Do I lower the PDA even
more so I only hold his hand five minutes for every two hours, or do I forever
do things with my friend separately from my boyfriend so there is no chance
of setting her off? Or should I dismiss it as a matter of slight jealousy?
been decent lately, but I'm afraid that's also because she hasn't seen the two
of us together for an extended amount of time.
Dear PDA Girl,
Couples are not allowed to engage in: PDG (...of
PDTMI (... of Too Much Information, such as a real-time recounting of their
hilarious search for new valances), and PDPN (...of Pet Names, such as
or "Noriega"), or, above all, PDCOFOG (...of Complete Obliviousness
to the Fact that they are Out with a Group).
Minor handholding and pepperoni-pairing (though I know
that sounds dirty) are all well within bounds
-- even around someone with a pending crush. Especially someone who said,
rlly, ggggfff itttt." ("No, really, go for it" with stiff upper
But should you D even less A around Miss NSZ (Not So
Zen)? Well, that's NZP (Not Ze Point). She is so out of line that there's
something bigger going on, either between her and you (grammar weirdness?) or
between her and her. If she really can't deal with seeing you two together,
that's her prerogative -- and her responsibility to pipe up and say she'd
hang with you one on one. But if she's willing to let your friendship RINSZP
(...Not So Zen Peace) over this, well -- never mind negotiating degrees of D
-- that is what you should talk about.
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