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August 30, 1999   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm what you might call a "late bloomer." I'm a 28 year old guy, and still have never had a girlfriend. It's not that I never wanted one; it's just that as a nerd, I always have had a hard time getting a date with a hot chick. They always seem to prefer the athletes to the thin guy (well, now I have love handles) with thick glasses.

Well, out of desperation, I signed up for a dating service. So far I have met several women, each for exactly one date. I suppose this is what you get when you randomly pair up people. I don't feel ripped off because I knew that this was the chance that I was taking.

Do you have suggestions as to where to meet the woman of my dreams? I've been racking my brain for good ideas:

1) Work: forget it. Very small company, nobody interesting.
2) Grad school: just finished it. Only married girls in the classes.
3) References from friends: they ask me if I know of someone worthwhile.
4) Health club: haven't met anyone there.
5) At prayer: I'm not religious, and I'm not that desperate yet. Maybe I should just go to a bar and use stale pickup lines?


Dear Bongo,

6) At a VW dealership?

That said, will someone please tell me WHERE I just saw a celeb pic of some rock star wearing -- and living -- a T-shirt that said something like "Chicks Dig Pasty Skinny Guys" ...? Okay, I know the keywords there are "rock star," but let me give you two more: "Woody Allen." It is so not hopeless.

That said, when it starts to feel that way, it sorta starts to get that way. Keyword: "desperation." I can't stop anyone from feeling that way, Lord knows, but do do a vibe check. If every gal you one-date gets the sense that you're trolling madly and exclusively for the "hot chick" "of your dreams, well, that's when you wind up ripping yourself off.

The key, as I've said a billion times, is to vault your bad self onto the Flirtation Continuum, where no one venture is the be-all -- well, end-all -- of your love life as you know it. It's a little zing, all the time. Let's revisit:

To maximize your returns, you need to diversify your portfolio. Meaning: don't just answer personals, don't just go to "events," don't just join groups/clubs, don't just ask friends to set you up, don't just sit home alone and watch Point Break, again. Do a little of everything. Or maybe what I mean is "do everything you do a little more." With a heightened sense of awareness. Whatever you do, you do 100% for you. Then tack on a bonus 10% wherein you look out for a mate for you. In other words, you are there at the museum to see the art, period (100%); also, who's that hottie by the Hopper (110%)? That third eye is what will get you your first date. It's also what spots one-step-removed opportunities. "Did somebody say kayaking? I've always wanted to try that." "You're going where? Yum, let's get a bunch of people together." "Here, let me help you with that." I spy: a chance to branch. This way, you meet Hannah ... and her sisters. And when you're ready -- as in ready, set, bloom -- take your pick.

Breakup Girl

PS: I don't get #3. What's that about your friends? Are they not being nice to you? The FC will help with that, too.



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