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Dear Breakup Girl,

Finally got the nerve to end a 4 year relationship with a live-in boyfriend. Relatively standard breakup. Not speaking for several months, very little potential for friendship, dashed hopes for marriage and picket fence, etc.. Surprisingly, I feel like me for the first time in years! It feels great!

Now for the problem. I seem to be sending off some pretty heavy duty vibes to every man I come into contact with. It seems that every man I know (young and old) is responding to a signal that I am completely unaware of. At this point in my life, I thought I had mastered the art of cultivating male friends. Even one of my ex's best male friends (who has a current girlfriend) made a pass at me?!? He seemed as surprised as I was. I am not really interested in or attracted to most of these guys. I have never received so much attention from the opposite sex in my life, and it makes me uncomfortable. I know that this doesn't sound like a problem, but it really is! After leaving one prison, I can't stand the thought of entering another. Do I really have to tone down my passion for life in order to conduct normal social relationships?

--Isabelle

Dear Isabelle,

You all know how careful I am never to give you glib robo-advice like "join a club!" (see Dateless and Lonely) or "find a hobby!" (see Sunkissed) and leave it at that. Likewise, I solemnly swear never, ever to tell any of you to "be yourself!" At least not without making some specific or practical suggestions about how to get from A to Be.

That said/sworn, look what's happened here. Isabelle says: "I feel like me for the first time in years!" And voila! Fiddle-dee-dee! She's swatting them away like the flygirl she is. That, my dear, is the vibe -- the high pitched boy-attracting whistle that you yourself can't hear.

Only problem is that -- as you say -- it's making you uncomfortable. Still, I suspect that part of it is that just you're not used to this sort of thing. Maybe you've forgotten what being flirtable-with is like. Four years in a, well, "prison" -- I'm sure even the sky still looks a little funny to you. I don't detect (as in Runaway Dater's -- well, her friends' -- words above) any nefarious "beguiling" going on here. And I don't think, with all due respect, that each and every one wants you to come spoon in his cell for the next 20 to life. With the possible exception of that one outside pass, I do think that everyone involved is conducting normal social relationships. So tone down nothing, Miss Is. Perhaps it's just that guys are lining up to flirt with someone with such a clear "passion for life." DID EVERYONE GET THAT?

Love,
Breakup Girl

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