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Dear Breakup Girl,
I'm 25 and just finished my master's degree. During both my undergrad and
I worked full time and had neither the interest nor the time to devote to love
relationships; my friends were enough for me. I was also about 40 lbs.
which definitely weighed as heavily on my self-esteem as it did on my body.
Now, I've finished school, moved to a new, large city, and lost the extra
of an ugly duckling turned swan. The problem is, I've always seemed to fall
for the WRONG GUYS. Lately, I've been doing some self-analysis and have seen
that I typically fall for guys whom I KNOW will not reciprocate my affections
or those who are only interested in me physically. The nice ones really don't
do that much for me.
I'm sure this goes into my fear of rejection...etc., etc. However, early
year, I began working in the US Congress and have managed to attract the
of another Congressional staffer; we'll call him Willy. This was a completely
new scenario for me. This was a guy who was sincerely interested in me.
Let me begin by saying that I don't think Willy counted as a
because he worked in a completely different office and we had absolutely no
professional link, except for the fact that we worked in the same building.
A few weeks after I began working there, Willy began querying my coworkers,
one in particular (we'll call her Hilda) about me. He asked about me for
BG. Everytime he saw me in the halls, he would smile and say, "Hi," but it
went beyond that.
Then, after a couple of months, he got up the nerve to actually talk,
and from then on, he would wander into my office for little brief chats. This
is NOT typical behavior for a person in his position. After I had worked
on the Hill for about 5 months, I left for another position. The week I was
leaving, Willy asked me out for the first time. Our first date was my last day
on the job, and it was the best first date I have ever had. He was a complete
gentleman and treated me like a queen. We got along together sooooo well. We
both have crazy, sarcastic, and silly personalities; we clicked.
Beginning with the first date, he was very forward with his emotions and
and he wasn't trying to get me into bed; I wanted to, but he wanted to wait.
He told me constantly how much he liked me and how he had told his mother and
all his friends about me. He told me he loved me. For the next few weeks, he
was very attentive (Congress was in recess and he had a bit of time on his
However (you knew there was going to be a "However"), he stopped
as frequently, and we stopped going out.
Now, normally, not calling and not asking a girl out would indicate lack of
interest. I may not have dated much in college, but I can read signals. So I
called him to make it official, and so we are officially NOT seeing each
However, I have had to be on the Hill for work recently and have run into
him. On the most recent occasion, he pulled me into his boss' office and told
me how much he loves me and wants us to start again. But here is the problem:
he says these sorts of things EVERY time he sees me. And BG, let me tell
you, it HURTS. I've dated quite a few guys (and a couple for a month
or longer) since I moved here, and he is the first I've really fallen for. The
problem is, he doesn't follow through. He talks the talk but doesn't walk the
walk. And now, EVERY time he sees me, he professes his love and says
he will call BUT DOESN'T. I don't know what to do, BG.
Having to see him and listen to him make empty promises makes me so sad.
should I do? Am I just a glutton for punishment?
The sad part of this is that I truly believe that he has feelings for me,
that he won't let himself get involved because of fear of getting hurt again.
He's been engaged and his fiancee cheated on him multiple times.
BG, I really want to call him and tell him that he is a jerk and a horrible
person for toying with my emotions this way and that I have completely lost
respect for him. But I do not want to appear petty. I'm emotionally worn out
by this situation and want closure. How should I handle this, BG?
WHEREAS, his behavior was actually a little weird from
the beginning, the delightful parts notwithstanding,
AND WHEREAS, it totally hurts you to interact with him
and have him fail to interact back, over and over,
AND WHEREAS, it is beneath you to yell at
BE IT RESOLVED that closure -- articulated kindly but
firmly in an "I'm terribly sorry, but it's actually OVERover" brief
email or conversation -- is up to you.
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