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Dear Breakup Girl,
I was seeing this girl, Melanie, for about two months. She was the first serious
girlfriend I've had. (I'm 17). I loved being with her, but one night when we
went out to the pubs with my friends, she was being too clingy. I didn't say
anything, but it was bothering me the whole night. Anyway, we went to her house
at 11:00PM, and I wanted to cuddle and stuff (not sex, not yet), but she was
saying, "I'm tired I want to go to bed." I asked if I should leave, and
she said, "Sorry, I'm just tired." I got a little angry (not abusive); it just
put me in a bad mood! I said,"I'm gonna waste my money now for a taxi that I
could have used to go home!" So the taxi came, and I went home. The next
day, I rang her up and said it wasn't working out and ended our relationship.
She said okay!?
Next week, everyone at work found out that I slept with this girl, Nicola.
(Melanie, Nicola, and I all work at McDonalds part-time.) It happened two months
before when I had only been going out with Mel for three days. I went on holiday
with Nicola and four other friends! So I had to ring Melanie when I got home
so she wouldn't find out from others at work! She was heartbroken, even though
I wasn't going out with her. She was crying, and I felt so guilty that I wanted
to cry as well (if only she knew...). I apologized in every way possible and
regretted the whole damn thing. She wouldn't have any of it. (Dare say I don't
blame her.) Now I suddenly realized I wanted her back; I cared so much about
her; I needed her.
Later on that night (the day I told her the news), I went to karaoke where
everyone goes on Wednesday night after McDonalds. I felt disgusted with myself.
There were Melanie and all of her friends staring at me. I felt so small; I
wanted to get out of there. I stuck it out, though I nearly cried again. (No
one knows this; they think I'm strong, but I'm not.) GOD, I HATE MYSELF! Two
weeks later, we went for a talk. It felt good. I enjoyed it so much; I can't
express it in words. I think I'm in love with her!? We then went to the cinema,
and I asked her out again! She said,"YES!" God, I was soo happy. Next, we went
shopping in Manchester. WOW. I felt on top of the whole world!
The next Wednesday (karaoke night), she sat next to her friends, and there
was no room for me at the table. I was sitting next to some others in the corner.
I ended up being separated from Melanie for about one hour! Anyway, I ended
up sitting next this nice girl (also from McDonalds) named Laura. I was chatting
to her but kept seeing Melanie and one of her close friends looking at me funny.
I thought they thought I was flirting with Laura. I WASN'T. We have been friends
for about a year. Ten minutes later, Melanie's friend came over to our table
and said, "Jonathan can I have a talk?" I said okay and went outside.
There and then, I got shouted at and told off for everything from sleeping with
Nicola to flirting with Laura to being with this girl from three years ago.
Mel's friend had a go at me for ten minutes. I thought this had been sorted
out, but NOOOO! We went back inside, and I gave Melanie a funny look and told
Laura what had happened. She was furious, and I asked Melanie to come over.
She said that she had no idea that her friend was going to do that and that
she wasn't impressed. Man, it felt terrible like someone had stabbed me in the
back because it was all going so well before that night! Melanie then said,
"I can't help it. Every time I look at you, I see Nicola." My heart dropped
to my feet! I said, "Okay, then it's over!" How I regret those words;
how I want to take them back!
Anyway, she tells my friend that she doesn't like me like that anymore, but,
deep down inside me, I hope she does. I found out a couple of days ago that
she likes this guy from college, Chris! He went to her house last night for
a little party because her parents went out! I wasn't invited, of course, but
we are still talking, and I still like her loads. She thinks I like her friend,
Toria! I DON'T! I LOVE HER, I THINK. I HONESTLY THINK I LOVE MELANIE! Ohh God...how
I want to tell her, but she says it's over for good; I asked her! But I'm always
thinking about her! Please help!
Do not despair. Good omens for peace and harmony abound
First: Karaoke. I say it's up there with polio vaccines
and Post-its as one of the great inventions of the millennium. One of BG's favorite
neighborhood haunts was, until recently, the divine dive The Roost Pub, which
featured karaoke on Fridays. I am telling you, when there was karaoke at The
Roost, there was no war. Ironic twentysomethings tackling tacky ballads;
Middling crooners of "The Rose;" grrls leaping spontaneously into
choreographed choruses of "Like a Prayer;" straight men finding their
inner Boy George; old guys taking Sinatra really seriously; people singing that
damn Cher song again, badly, and getting cheered anyway: where else could
we have all come together in such joy? Oh, the love in the room. Wella wella
wella uh! We can all get along. They bring one of those machines
to Camp David, and I am telling you, treaties will get signed. ("It's a
small world, after all" ... everybody!")
Not to mention: you do it at McDonald's. Japanese,
Scottish -- we are indeed a global village.
So, kiddo, where do you begin to make lasting
peace? I know it sounds like Melanie's at the "just turn around now; you're
not welcome any more" stage, but I'd say you've got one song slip left
in the pile. Tell her -- one more time -- how you truly feel. Tell her you were
just lip-synching to some shame song the last time you said "it's over."
Ask her for one more chance. And give her time to mull it over. She says yes,
act the way you feel for her (i.e. no Nicolas). She says no, act the
way you feel (really, really bad) in the privacy of your home. Get it out of
your system (your stereo system, ideally; they've got songs for this kind of
thing) so that you do your bestest not to bring your girlfriend issues to the
golden arches. I know your fly girls are, like, the fry guys, but trytrytry
to stay above it all.
But either way, Jonathan, I think that in the future
you've to take a deep breath and try to think before you belt. Guilty feet have
got no rhythm; you're tripping all over yourself. Don't take it out on someone
else when you (a) don't get your way, or (b) get busted. Don't let the evil
grrrl chorus push you around. Slow and steady, kiddo; have faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-UH.
Someday, you will get to sing the guy part of "Endless Love."
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