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December 6, 1999   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need


Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

Every single man I have dated in the last 10 years refuses to keep dating me if I don't have sex with him by the third date. Lots of my female friends have had the same experience. I don't believe in casual sex. I have a normal sex drive, but I have no intentions of sleeping with a boyfriend immediately at the beginning of the relationship. I'm 45 and still single. I can't seem to get farther than two or three dates and them I'm dumped because I won't "put out." I expected this when I was in high school dating adolescents, but is this to be expected from men in their 40s?


Dear Colleen,

Wait, are you serious? What? Every single one? Do you mean SLEEPWITHsleepwith? Do they actually say "put out?" Even if not, do they explicitly cite the sex thing as an actual reason? Do you mean "every single" statistically, or hyperbolically?

And guess what: I'm betting -- statistically -- that every single man in his 40s reading this right now is wondering all the same things.

But here's the thing, Colleen. Getting to the actual facts and figures here is beside the point. With all due respect, it strikes me that at this juncture, you're not even looking to make it past Date 3 chastely; you're looking to prove yourself right. You go to the next guy's place for dinner...

He says: "Hey, how 'bout you put out..."

And you say: "Another one! Harrumph! I'm leaving!"

And he says: "...the placemats?!"

Seems to me, Colleen, that you can't seem to get farther than one self-fulfilling prophecy. Get a fresh start; meet some new guys a new way. Online? Offline? Have a great goodnight makeout session on Date 3 and let him go home to his, um, self-pleasuring prophecy. And then call you the next day for Date 4.

Breakup Girl



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