May 2, 2000
So what really DID happen between Winona Ryder and Matt Damon? Since last week, this inquisitive little gossip has heard up to five plausible reasons why the two decided to call it quits after an extremely lackluster affair. As you know, I mentioned two weeks ago that Matt is rumored to have a huge, malevolent obsession with fellow Bostonian Mark Wahlberg and was clearly miffed when Winona, in an effort to assuage relations between the boys, ended up sleeping with Mark in El Lay. Well, the veracity of that story has been challenged by three other (equally suspicious) rumors and one wild (and yet, most obvious) claim:
-- that Winnie actually became a bit too friendly with "Gladiator" stud Russell Crowe, not Marky Mark.
-- that it was Matt doing the cheatin' on the set of "All The Pretty Horses" with ravishing costar, Penelope Cruz.
-- that Matt convinced Winnie to invest more than one million dollars in a Cassandra fund operated by Dana Giacchetto, his money handler and that of Ben Affleck and Leonardo DiCaprio ... and the same scheister who sped off with their earnings in a botched borrow-from-Peter-to-pay-Paul scam
-- or, as one very high-up magazine editor told me at a party last week, "Don't believe anything you read. Matt and Ben will never have a successful relationship. At least, not with other people."
You can choose to believe any of these tawdry, fabulous rumors -- and my money's still on the Wahlberg tale, just because it's juiciest -- but the actual reason for the split may be a lot less scintillating. The two hardly seemed to be friends throughout the entire duration of their relationship, and at recent functions like the Golden Globes and that other award show, there was some visible animosity. They may simply have gotten sick of each other. End of story.
No More I Love You's
I'm sorry to report this, but the coolest human being in the entire world -- Annie Lennox -- may soon be seeing the end of her 12-year marriage to Uri Fructmann. Apparently, her rigorous Eurythmics tour schedule with ex-lover Dave Stewart might have caused the riff, report the tabloids. If you know Annie's rocky history with love, this will come as quite a shame. Darling, pour the grief into your music! And give us a solo album soon before I seriously combust!
But let's stop dwelling about breakups, shall we? (BG's overworked as it is!) One couple built to last is glamour gal Parker Posey (currently walking down the Great White Way in the play "Taller Than A Dwarf" with Matthew Broderick) and her new brainy beau, novelist Tom Beller. The Post reports that the two have been an item for months now, and it appears they have enough in common to spend their nightlives separately. Tommy's more of an Upper East Side, cigar-and-brandy kinda guy, while Parker, as we all know, is a true Party Girl, bumping with downtown freaks. Gosh, I wanna date her!
-- John Leguizamo, looking all scruff and sassy while exiting a vehicle in Gregoire's very own homeland, the Lower East Side. Sorry I wasn't home, Johnny! I'm terribly busy!
-- Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau (They're everywhere! Are there five of them?), stopping into the BMG building to say hi to Puff Daddy, their costar in the gangster film, "Made."
-- Gwyneth Paltrow, quietly ruminating on her beauty with a drink at the Stanhope Hotel bar. No bodyguards, boyfriends, or tagalongs in sight. The girl's got guts!
-- Bonnie Hunt, director of the Minnie Driver heart movie "Return To Me," possibly on a mission to self-destruct, as she was seen at trendy Nobu last week eating with Robin Williams AND Roberto Benigni. I would have run screaming from that restaurant!
-- Furry Michelin Manlike comic Bruce Vilanch and his entourage being very obnoxious at a downtown performance of drag legend Lady Bunny. They pushed their way through the crowd as members of Bruce's posse announced, "Divas coming through!" First of all, when at a drag show, don't upstage the drag. Second of all, honey, you may be able to write a quippy one-liner, but so can I and I'm twenty years younger, thinner, and more gorgeous. So watch your hairy back!
Gregoire's Summer Movie Soiree
It doesn't feel like summer, but with big-budget trash like "The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas" already corroding theaters, it must be Summer Movie Season once again! Every year, the studios foist out their loudest and most obnoxious films of the year, and every year, we go and see most of them, regardless of whether we want to or not, even if we wouldn't even eat off of them! What are the ingredients to a truly successful blockbuster? Forget quality and fine acting! I've broken it down into six essential areas:
Basically, "The Ten Commandments" of Scientology.
Total score: 26 -- Rent it on video if it and the Mary Gross-Rebecca Demornay vehicle "Feds" are the only two remaining films in the store.
Disney essentially computerizes "Jurassic Park." (This way, nobody has to play Jeff Goldblum.)
Total score: 33 -- For a film on mass genocide, looks cute.
Russell Crowe gets Ben-Hurred in this Roman swordplay epic.
Total score: 40 -- Could get the summer film season off to a swishy start. Will definitely appeal to lesbians (Jodie Foster's friend + "Xena" overtones).
Gone In 60 Seconds
Nicolas Cage steals cars for the mob!
Total score: 37 -- A good way to get into air conditioning this summer without straining your brain. Unlike...
Hamlet / Love's Labours Lost
Shakespeare as a corporate drama AND a 1930s musical extravaganza!
Total score: Hamlet 33, Love's Labors Lost 29 -- William Shakespeare could take some lessons from Adam Sandler. Should appeal to anybody who hasn't actually read either two plays.
Mission Impossible 2
Tom's back in action, this time to contain a deadly virus.
Total score: 39 -- I don't care if its good or bad. Blow something up for me, Tom!
Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps
Eddie Murphy puts on the Rick Baker latex and goes domestic.
Total score: 28 -- ... still, it could get tedious.
Colonial, white bread actioner with Mel Gibson as a Yankee Doodle dandy.
Total score: 34 -- I slept through it in school. I will sleep through it on screen.
The Perfect Storm
Total score: 35 -- Not the touchstone of the summer, but a solid entry.
Samuel L. Jackson as the original, the one and only.
Total score: 36 -- I'll follow Sammy anywhere (except to "Rules Of Engagement").
That wacky comic book involving a bunch of teen mutants comes to the big screen
Total score: 42
Projected Winner For The Summer -- "The X-Men" (which, personally, I believe will also be the worst movie of the summer as well)
Surprise Runner-up -- "Gladiator" (Hey! Maybe Russell Crowe will become a megastar and get that annoying grimace off his face!)
Next week, ladies and gentlemen, my tribute to John Cusack!
Until I discover that I broke up Winona and Matt,
Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb