June 27, 2000
And now for the event of the summer, the biggest thing to happen here since the Howard Johnson cocktail lounge first introduced buffalo wings during Happy Hour...
Introducing the glamour event that will completely change the way human beings look at celebrities! (Am I being over the top? I think not.) Glam Quest 2000 is a summer-long competition that will pit two teams -- one in New York, one in Los Angeles -- against each other in a quest for celebrity sightings all over their respective bases of stardom. The goal is not only to see the most celebrities, but also to find them doing the most unusual and sensational things possible. Teams have already been chosen for the exciting event, and the game officially starts tonight at 9 p.m. on the East Coast and West Coast. Click here for the rules. I will be the judge overseeing this competition, and the best part is that you can play along! Send in your star sightings, and I will judge them based on our strict grading system. You can watch this column for weekly updates from the teams and root for your favorite coast. May their eyes find stars in every nook and cranny!
What games does the unnaturally good-looking duo Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar play with each other? Apparently, they're fond of eating contests. "She can actually out-eat me!" proudly proclaims Freddie, who's enjoying the great taste of box-office failure with his latest flick, "Boys And Girls." He unabashedly continues to dish on his gal pal's eating habits on TV Guide Online, adding, "I don't know where she puts it, but somehow she can put down 80 pounds of sushi." Good lord, at this rate of sushi consumption, she'll become a sea! Of course, let's not jump to any distorted conclusion about Sarah's chowing patterns; I imagine Freddie probably eats like a bird, don't you think? I mean, that boy is slight.
The Mating Game
Lots of celebrities took the past couple weeks to face off in the most ultimate of glam games: the wedding ceremony. (In fact, too many celebrities for my taste; there's nothing more uninteresting than a happily married superstar!) Let's begin with the biggest disappointment for ten-year-old girls:
--The first boy-band studlet to officially leave preteen girls' bachelor orbit (other than Boyzone's Stephen Gately, who's openly gay, natch) is Kevin Richardson, the Robin Hood-looking elder from the Backstreet Boys. He finally tied the knot last week with his long time girlfriend, Kristin Willits, at the Estill County Cathedral Domain in Lexington, Kentucky (woo-hoo! par-tay!), because his father once ran a church camp there. Additionally, Kev's brother Tim acted as the minister and later blabbed to the local press: "Remove all the glamour and the fact that he's a Backstreet Boy ... [and] they're just two people who love each other," he proclaims. Is it wedding etiquette for the minister to talk to the press, by the way? Naturally, the other four Boys were there, including Kev's cousin Brian Litrell, who should have been sweating the ceremony too, as he's getting married to actress Leighanne Wallace. No date for that nuptial, but I hope he waits until next year or the world's preteens will, quite literally, cry me a river.
--Unwitting fueler of the teen boom (thanks to "Titanic" and Leo) James Cameron made it legal with Suzy Amis, the wispy "Titanic" costar for whom James threw Linda Hamilton overboard. The self proclaimed "king of the world" (God forbid that proposed monarchy!) hitched himself to Suze during a private ceremony in Malibu, and like any Cameron project, was presumably filled with explosions, special effects and groan-worthy one-liners. I sincerely hope for Suzy -- and what grown woman is still named Suzy? -- that she's gotten a nice pre-nup agreement out of the director, for his string of failed marriages have become legendary. Besides Linda, James has also been married to 1) director Kathryn Bigalow, 2) producer Gale Anne Hurd, and 3) a waitress who was the inspiration of Linda Hamilton's character in "Terminator." Gee, do you think James is just using his film career as a front for a dating service?
--Eternally cool Candace Bergen married her boyfriend Marshall Rose in a low-key ceremony at a Manhattan synagogue and later honeymooned in the New York area. Considering the sadness we all felt a few years ago when she lost her first husband Louis Malle, it's relieving to know that it is true what Laura Fabian says, "I will love again!"
--And finally, that pixie Dixie Chick Natalie Maines -- who's down-home and perky like Ellie Mae Clampett, yet cosmo and quirky like Parker Posey -- got hitched to "Top Gun" actor Adrian Pasdar this past weekend. Like any multi-million album selling workin' girl, she was able to squeeze in a performance with her fellow Chicks in Las Vegas right before the wedding. But, unfortunately, like Scandalina and Billy Bob, she decided to bind her lifelong union with Adrian in Vegas at a place quaintly called A Little White Wedding Chapel. Apparently, this off-the-wall wedding spot is popular with celebs, as Bruce and Demi got hitched there as well. (I don't care how convenient those wedding chapels are in Vegas. I will not betroth and play craps in the same city!) Witnessed by only a photographer and a security guard -- I mean, what else do you need? -- Nat and Adrian were married by "Pastor Ann," one of the features of the cheapo $55 wedding. They chose to go quaintly expensive: the bride wore Giorgio de Saint Angelo and the groom wore Prada. Afterwards, the pair went a'gamblin with the other Chicks, Emily Robison and Martie Seidel. The happy couple won $740, according to reports, a mere drop in the bucket for this glamorous, country-fried shrimp, I'm sure.
World Diva Wrestling Federation
If you were staying at the Royalton Hotel last Tuesday, I apologize for your sleepless night. You see, when two soul-music legends decide they want to party, your sleeping concerns are of no interest. One guest called the hotel's night manager to complain of screaming and "furniture banging," and, according to the Post, it sounded as though "someone was being beaten." The noise became louder and more pronounced, and eventually the police were called. And who did the NYPD blue find as the source of the noise? None other than Mary J. Blige and Queen Latifah. Mary had just performed at Radio City Music Hall and was apparently just getting rowdy with her friend as she was packing her bags to leave the hotel. But Page Six claims that Mary ran right over to the complaining hotel guest and kicked at the door. When the guest opened the door, Mary shouted, "I work harder than Patti LaBelle and Whitney Houston, and you've done called the cops on me?" The Queen then entered the hallway and claimed the exec, who was apparently white, called the cops "because we're black" and promptly aimed a well-voiced expletive at him. If I were staying in the room next to them, I wouldn't have complained at all. In fact, I'd ask to be invited over! Pillow fight!
Did you know that Darryl Hannah is missing part of her finger? Or so actor Jesse Bradford, from the I-can't-actually-believe-it-looks-funny horror spoof "Scary Movie" recently told well-connected Webster Hall curator Baird Jones. Apparently, the finger went missing when she was a very small child and doesn't quite remember how it exactly happened. But she's been wearing a prosthetic since then, and obviously nobody's taken notice. And why should they? Of course, it has been known to fall off at inconvenient times, she told Jess, like when she went out on a date with John F. Kennedy Jr. Fortunately, she was comfortable enough to simply reattach it and move on. Personally, it's assuring to know that these perfect, gorgeous people have little flaws like missing digits.
What game is John Cusack playing with us, his most devoted fans? He's notoriously secretive about his love life (and thank God, for he's dating Neve Campbell, and we just do not want to hear about it). But obviously, he doesn't mind making people guess. Last week he was seen palling around with statuesque volleyball cutie Gabrielle Reece in Malibu, and he was introducing her to people as his "girlfriend." But as Reece is married to surf star Laird Hamilton and John's been mum on the whole Neve thing, can we really believe him?
Celebrity Quote Of The Week
"FAME is wasted on me. I already feel like I don't want to have sex five times a day."
-- the ever sound-bitable Ben Affleck in Australia's New Weekly. Gee, Ben, we hate to see fame wasted on the unappreciative. Why don't you give it back then?
--Think graduations are always boring affairs? Well, if you were at the South Plainfield Middle School ceremony in New Jersey, you might have had a good reason to perk up when Gary Michael Houston rose to accept his diploma. Why, you ask? Because Aunt Whitney, garbed in gorgeous pink and accompanied by two bodyguards and a cop, was there to cheer him on. And, yes, before you ask, she was acting very clean and sober. Let's hope this becomes a habit.
--The imperious Joaquin Phoenix attempted to get into hot nightspot Spy on Friday night. However, this being New York, the cops had already arrived to make sure it was not over its capacity. (God, they never are, but the NYPD just love trying to ruin our good time!) Anyhoo, when the doorman began to turn Joaquin away, a pop-culturely aware police officer came to his rescue saying, "I think you can let the emperor of Rome in." All hail Joaquin! All hail Caesar! (By the way, why that lip thing so sexy? It shouldn't be, but it is. EXTREMELY.) Also at Spa: George Clooney, Lenny Kravitz, and Gisele Bundchen, with Leonardo DiCaprio on arm. Saying Leonardo was seen out at a Manhattan nightclub, however, is a bit like my saying, "Seen: a doorman, a bartender, a bathroom, a banquette!"
And, I have only two words for you: Heath Ledger. The only reason I'm seeing a Mel Gibson movie. On its opening week. On Wednesday. Five times.
Finally, dear ones, you will finally get a chance to see me in person (that is, er, see me in person outside the Howard Johnson's) when I make my debut during Breakup Girl Live this July 6 at Gotham Comedy Club. Amidst the usual delights offered by BG and the gang, I'll be jumping aboard to bring you some LIVE gossip and commentary on the stars, including the latest social travesties being wrought by Angelina, Winona and others. What will I be wearing? What will I be drinking? Come on down on July 6th and find out!
Until Daryl gives me the finger (and, after this column, she very well should),
Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb