Tuesday, February 16, 1999
Gregoire here, running my fingers through the follicles of fabulous! I took a sabbatical from my Howard Johnson's corner booth last week (for four whole hours!) to catch the unusually sexy old biddie Eartha Kitt sling her monstrous erotic allure around Cafe Carlyle in a lovely selection of cabaret tunes loaded with more double entendres than a Farelli Brothers film festival. As I do prefer corner booths, I was luckily spared Kitt's unusual audience interaction: blatantly seductive tactics that are marginally camp entertainment and borderline desperate pleas for sex. Sitting more closely was the hottest double date in town, none other than male-Eartha Warren Beatty and his lovely wife Annette Bening, accompanied by that brilliant, violent actor Sean Pean and Robin Wright Penn, who is, unfairly, more beautiful in person. They seemed to enjoy the show, and Sean didn't throw a chair at Eartha or anything. Love Kitt, really, but it's scary to see an older human acting like a domestic house pet.
There's Something About Vidalina
Cameron Diaz's ex Matt Dillon, who apparently drinks from the same fountain of youth as Michael J. Fox and Ralph Macchio, was recently seen at a hip Chelsea club chatting it up with the statuesque hostess Vidalina. The Tex-star was reportedly so interested in the beauty that he asked another woman to move so he could sit next to her. He then proceeded to woo her, even asking for her phone number.
However, won't Matt be surprised to learn that Vidalina is actually a sexy downtown drag entertainer! Then again, it could be that Matt has a prediliction for drag. He wouldn't be the first former twenty-something with such a cross-dressin' craving.
Saturday Night Relapse
I don t want this to become the weekly Gwyneth-n-Ben report, but really. Their romantic meltdown is the biggest celebrity romance gossip this side of Julia-n-Lyle. Anyway, it looks like my advice to Affleck arrived a little late; apparently after his brief appearance on the Paltrow-hosted Saturday Night Live a couple weeks ago, the two were seen being all cuddly and sweet at an after-party in SoHo. A friend of the couple, explaining the curious relapse, told the Post that the two have a real sexual attraction to each other. I never realized Gwyn would dare stoop to such a carnal behavior. You'd think she were actually human.
Court is Adjourned
Looks like Harry Anderson is going from Night Court to divorce court. His wife of eleven years is filing for divorce, citing as the cause the '80s Shelly Long flick Irreconcilable Differences. Or something like that. You know it's a slow newsweek when I report something like that.
A spy from the wintry north spotted bedroom-eyed Antonio Banderas -- who must be really in love with Melanie Griffith because why else spend time with her? -- at a professional figure skating competition in New Brunswick. Rumor swirls that he was there to ogle the Eartha Kitt of skating, Katarina Witt, who, shortly thereafter, hit the newstands in the latest issue of Playboy.
Best Supporting Date
Two very romantic films, Shakespeare In Love and Life Is Beautiful, stole away with a combined total of 20 Oscar nominations this week, proving that love (and apparently war) is still a fave for Academy voters. Already I'm gathering my predictions -- not about who will win the coveted trophies-- but who the nominees will be bringing to kiss them when they win, or hold their hand and whisper, "That bitch didn't deserve it." Cameron Diaz, perhaps knowing she'd never get a nod for There's Something About Mary, wisely hooked up with Edward Norton in time for his bid for Best Actor for American History X. Supporting actor candidate Ed Harris will surely be taking his wife Amy Madigan. Here's some pairings I d love to see:
Emily Watson takes Marilyn Manson, one-upping Rose McGowan by wearing nothing except a cello held in front of her private parts.
Gwyneth Paltrow, up for Shakespeare, brings Best Actor nominee Ian McKellen. She claims:"I cannot be thinking about sex that night, so he seemed the natural choice."
Ancient Latin actress Fernanda Montenegro bags Stephen Dorff, because it's about the most absurd thing I can think of next to that weird headdress Cher wore last year.
And finally, a letter:
I'll pass the word along, Charlie. Maybe you'll have better luck than I. I fed him four martinis, two buttery-nipple shots and a Scooter Pie, and I got nothing but a handshake.
Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb