Welcome to Glam-Quest 2000!

Gregoire here, and I'm happy to bring you the first report from our Glam-Quest 2000 teams in Los Angeles and New York!

Armed only with a stack of rules and an eagle eye, these intrepid teams have fanned out through their respective cities in search of celebs in both their everyday routines and in otherworldly glamorous situations. Consult the rules of this game before reading on, then check out the competition below, as our worldweary spies begin their stalking, er, celebrity identification endeavors! You should have no trouble distinguishing my comments. First, the report from Team L.A., captained by Asher:

TEAM L.A. - Reporting through July 7

Sighting #1: "As I walked down the aisle at Gibson and Cooke (a small slightly upscale market in West Hollywood) I noticed the head waiter from Dan Tana's (old-fashioned Italian restaurant -- a great place for celebrity spotting) looking casual in shorts and a T-shirt when I heard a loud yell, "Hey Mike, what else do we need for dinner?" from a casual looking James Woods. Then they engaged the store manager in a conversation about when the store is closing and joining Bristol Farms."

Oooh, all this chic L.A. restaurant talk! And what's buried in this souffle of culinary cool but Jimmy Woods sans a three-piece and a smarmy grin? Surreal! (But not Fellini-esque!) Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #2: "As I was driving north on Crescent Heights this morning I saw Greg Proops, (from "Who's Line Is It Anyway?"; the one with curly blonde hair and glasses) not only walking his two black pugs... but cleaning up after them as well!"

Total points: 10,000, plus 5,000 additional points for seeing a celebrity scoop up feces! = 15,000.

Sighting #3: "Upon entering Pinot Hollywood where I had a lunch meeting I walked right past Alicia Silverstone and we made eye contact. I said hello and she said hello back. She came back in a few minutes later and sat at the table behind mine and then left about the same time and walked by when we were waiting for the valet. (Maybe she was following me.) She looked really good but still seems like a fashion misfit. She had bangs and her hair was very long and streaked. She lost about 25 pounds. She was wearing these sexing heels with a black straight skirt, a sheer black long sleeve top with a black bra and big gold hoop earrings (ala Carrie/Sex and The City). The problem was the ugly ass-green felt backpack she carried on her back (not on one shoulder but both straps) and there was a tag still attached to it."

Total points: 10,000 times a Conversation Multiplier, plus 500 for reading Miss Alicia on her Minnie Pearl-like obsessions with leaving price tags on things = 60,500.

Sighting #4: "Friday, AM, Larry King driving on Little Santa Monica."

Total points: 10,000. (I'd have awarded more if he'd been driving along for miles with his left-turn blinker on.)

Sighting #5: "Dule Hill of 'The West Wing' in a brand new aquamarine Range Rover in front of the L'Ermitage Hotel, July 4th, at 10 a.m."

Total points: 10,000, plus 100 for seeing an actor who plays a White House employee on July 4th = 10,100.

Sighting #6: "Billy Bob Thornton at Sunset Marquis Hotel, playing Marco Polo in pool with kids."

Total points: 10,000 times a Fellini Multiplier (I mean, who least likely to play Marco Polo with children?), plus an additional 1,500 points for seeing him without Angelina Jolie (though, as BG has pointed out to me, she may have been lurking beneath the surface of the water) = 41,500.

Sighting #7: "Will Ferrell of Saturday Night Live at Sushi-Ko on Beverly Glen Sun, July 2nd, late dinner."

I wonder if Will likes blowfish and octopus, or if he's more a California Roll man like myself. Total points: a respectable, if unfunny, 10,000.

Sighting #8: "Saw Dondre Whitfield, of FOX fame (Living In Captivity, Between Brothers., The Crew, White Man's Burden, All My Children)."

Total points: 10,000, plus a point-free thumbs up for giving me Dondre's resume!

Sighting #9: "Saw Paula Abdul, looking fabulous in all earth tones to match her complexion."

Total points: 10,000, plus 1,000 for catching Ms. Straight-Up-Now-Tell-Me in one of her truly rare moments of tasteful fashion = 11,000.

Sighting #10: "Lara Flynn Boyle all in white with a weird bolero type hat hanging around her neck and big glasses."

Total points: 10,000 plus 1,000 for seeing Lara in her fashion element: the realm of pretentious monochromatic clothing, accented with Beverly Hills rendition of Latin chic = 11,000.

Sighting #11: "Saw Kelly Rutherford - Megan of Melrose Place."

She's so cute, isn't she? She was in "Scream 3" also... for five seconds. Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #12: "Tony Danza, Thursday, July 6th, leaving the chiropractor's office."

Total points: 10,000, and no bonus points, because back pain is no laughing matter!

Sighting #13: "Saw Party of Five's Neve Campbell at Yoga Works in Santa Monica, Thursday evening. She had bad acne!"

Total points: 10,000 -- plus 500 bonus points for proving she's human like the rest of us! -- 10,500.

Sighting #14: "Diedrich Bader (Oswald on Drew Carey Show) Friday night at L.A. County Museum of Art Friday Jazz."

Total points: 10,000. (More points, naturally, would have been awarded had he actually manned a saxophone himself.)

Sighting #15: "Michael Madsen, 9:30 p.m., Mondrian Hotel Lobby."

Gorgeous hotel, gorgeous star. Even 9:30 p.m. is a gorgeous time to be gorgeous! Total gorgeous points: 10,000.

Team L.A. Total Points: 239,600

L.A., darlings, you're out of the gate like a race horse on crack! Congratulations! Celebrities in the Los Angeles County area beware, for this pack of ravenous fabulons is on your tail! Meanwhile, in The City That Never Sleeps...

...Team N.Y. was turning over homeless people and looking down subway tunnels in their Quest for Glam. Here's the report from Team Captain Amy K.:

"It's a cruel, cruel, summer, especially when all the celebs (as well as anyone who's anyone who lives here) seem to have abandoned us. Still, there were a few on hand to keep us occupied. In a terribly ironic note, I have to state that I was in L.A. two weekends ago, where I spotted Linda Hunt from 'The Year of Living Dangerously.' Dammit."

(Wow, hon, where did you spot Linda Hunt, in your coffee? Cause that woman is small.)

TEAM N.Y. - Reporting through July 7

spotted by DJ-Q

Sighting #1: "I saw Mike D. of the Beastie Boys walking through the lobby of 1515 Broadway."

Total points: 10,000, plus a gold star for celeb-spotting the neighborhood of my own headquarters here at the Times Square Howard Johnson's, the very epicenter of glam.

Sighting #2: "Later that same day, I saw Shalom Harlow at the Japanese restaurant Yama on Houston."

Total points: 10,000, and it's good to know she's eating a decent meal.

Sighting #3: "A couple of days later, I spotted Maggie Rizer walking North on 8th Avenue, around Jane Street. She wasn't as tall as you might think, and she was in all denim."

So, DJ, are you chasing models? Or are their svelte, well-clothed frames being magnetically attracted to you? Be careful, these women will crush your heart to powder. Total points: 10,000, plus 2,000 for Mags' curious paean to what was once tent canvas = 12,000.

spotted by Starr Brite

Sighting #4: "Bliss Spa, Soho. Jessica Sklar (that's Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld to you) teetering around on her Manolo Blahniks. Do we get extra points because she was wearing a teeny-tiny white t-shirt and her pregnant belly was on parade for all to see?"

Survey says... Yes! 10,000, and an additional 2,500 for catching yet another celebrity swinging their pregnancy around like a Gaultier handbag. Total points: 12,500.

Sighting #5: "Reade and Hudson, Tribeca: MTV VJ John Norris looking like he just rolled out of bed as he entered the deli. It's not Billy Bob Thornton, but hey...."

Sorry, but John Norris always looks like that. (Actually, I take that back; in front of the camera, he looks embalmed.) Total points: 10,000.

spotted by P.R. Princess

Sighting #6: "Saw Cynthia Nixon (the lawyer on 'Sex and the City') on the train coming back from the Hamptons. She was with her daughter, wearing no makeup and a bad 80s blazer."

Total points: 10,000, plus 3,000 bonus points for seeing a "Sex and the City" star in something decidedly dowdy and unsexy = 13,000.

Sighting #7: "I saw Ed Burns looking suntanned and cute at 95 School Street in Bridgehampton. He was hanging out at the bar with some guys."

Total points: 10,000, although it sounds like you may have just hallucinated a scene from "The Brothers McMullen."

Sighting #8: "I spotted Ed Bradley last Monday night at Barnes and Noble on 66th Street browsing through the new releases."

Total points: 10,000, and I swear I would have given you 100,000 points if he had picked up and purchased the new "Harry Potter"!

spotted by Cosmo Polly

Sighting #9: "I saw Downtown Julie Brown chatting as she walked out of a store on Fifth Avenue. It was her accent that clinched it. Also, I thought she would look totally gross close up, like very plastic, but she looked fine and her skin was lovely."

Total points: 10,000, plus an additional 500 points for for that terribly, wonderfully jaded outlook that made you think she'd look like an ogre = 10,500.

spotted by B-Girl

Sighting #10: "Made eye contact with Luke Perry. Who woulda thought that Luke is moonlighting as Chewbacca now that '90210' is dead? I've never seen him as hairy."

Total points: 10,000 times five for an Eye Contact Multiplier, and I'd like to remind you that Luke Perry was only posting to be human on "90210" so don't ride just because he's reverting to his true form as a Yeti! = 50,000.

Sighting #11: "Saw Scott Winters, the actor from 'Good Will Hunting' who says 'How do you like them apples?'"

I almost threw this one out, as the fame quotient of an actor best known for a bit part in an independent film -- no matter how Oscar-worthy -- is flimsy indeed. However! It also happens to be the only scene I remember from that film, so I'm letting it in. Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #12: "Also spotted soap opera dude Brian Bloom!"

Was he wearing bloomers? Did he have something caught in his eye? (He's best known for those captivating blue pools of his.) As I don't know for sure, I can't award any additional credit. Total points: 10,000.

Team N.Y. Total Points: 168,000

The Los Angeles team is out ahead with a nice lead over our New York squad, thanks to a couple of juicy multipliers. You know, just passing a kind word with the Edwards Bradley and Norton would have put you New Yorkers ahead! Don't be shy!

Of course, it was a holiday last week. Leo, Puffy, Jennifer, and the gang all return from the Hamptons this month, so New York could come back strong in the next round. Or is Team L.A. merely playing cat-and-mouse with the Gotham City Gawkers? Will thespians returning to L.A. for the new fall TV season populate that fair city with even more glam than ever? And most importantly, will Gervase be voted off the island this week?

Until Greg Proops calls me to dog-sit,
Gregoire

Read the next Glam-Quest 2000 report!

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