May 20, 1999
Yes and no. In the beginning, yes, looks do matter more than personality. Looks bring people together. You look at someone, think, "Yes, I'd like some of that," and then you get some. That's when personality starts to matter: After you got some, are you going to keep getting some? If the person has a nothing personality or a repulsive personality, then looks won't compensate, and you'll move on. So in the long run, no, looks don't matter more than personality. Which is good, since everyone's looks deteriorate over the long run, don't they?
I'm in favor of teledildonics, so long as it doesn't worsen our trade deficit with Japan.
I never used "Hey, Faggot," on ABCNEWS.com, where I write a kinder, gentler advice column. I used it in Savage Love for eight years. Dropping it from SL had nothing to do with ABC, and I was on ABC for two years before I dropped it. The reason I dropped my old salutation was because... it wasn't funny anymore. It was a joking reference to the whole Queer Nation/Act-Up reclaiming-hate-words debate, a debate which is pretty much over (and the reclamationists won). It felt odd to begin each of my SL columns with an eight year-old joke, so it was time to retire it. I still use fag and dyke and sissy and queer and breeder in my responses, so I haven't mellowed or compromised.
No, I disagree. One thing I've noticed about gay people is that, on average, we tend to be more messed up than straights. We may have it together a little more on the sexuality side, but considering what so many gays and lesbians go through before they come out--the fear, ostracism, self-hatred, etc.--many adult gays and lesbians have psychic scars that last their entire lives and negatively impact their personalities and their relationships.
I have a terrible memory, so I have no regrets. You can't mourn stuff you don't recall, and there's not much I recall. I drove a nail into my head when I was in fourth grade, and it must have punctured the memory part of the brain, and good thing too.
Yes. I get TONS of mail, from all over the world, and I've learned an awful lot about people doing this column. More than I ever needed to, cared to, and more than I can remember. The nail, you know.
Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb