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Valentine's Day Haiku

With our past haiku contests, breakupgirl.net would honor the noble Japanese poetic form -- the demure yet powerful haiku -- as the only literary vehicle with the suppleness to master the depths and breadths of woo and rue that blossom at this black/magic time of year. We asked our visitors to turn their insights and/or outrage into subtle poly-syllabic philosophies that follow the timeless equation: 5 + 7 + 5 = 17.

Here are the last year's "winners"...

2006 Breakup Girl Haiku Master

iPod Nano love
So cool and shiny and new
Quickly obsolete
    -- Karen Kanter

(Karen was a big winner in all three past contests: 1998, 1999, and 2000!)

Our celbrity judge, Jason Reich, Emmy-award-winning writer for the Emmy-award-winning The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, chose Master Karen's entry for its "humor and elegant use of metaphor," he said. As Haiku Master, her name will become myth; she will also receive first choice of our top three prizes (see below), along with signed copies of: Breakup Girl to the Rescue!, Miss Media, He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not, and the Unbelievably Limited Edition Breakup Girl DVD, containing the complete BG animations, the "lost" TV pilot, and many other treats!

BG Haiku Master’s Apprentice

Is it still stalking
If I type your home address
into Google Earth?
    -- Asher Hung

Our Master's Apprentice has earned history's reverence...and second choice of our top three prizes, plus signed copies of all the BG-related media described above.

BG Haiku Scholar

I hope I'm wearing
my awesome leather jacket
if we ever meet.
    -- Daphne Uviller

This poet's work shall echo throughout the ages. Not only that, but she will also receive the third of our top three prizes, plus signed copies of all the BG-related media described above.

BG Haiku Practitioners
Our dedicated Haiku Practitioners have earned great admiration and signed copies of all BG-related media described above, unless we can think of something else for Scholar Uviller, who, in our judge's name-blind decision process, won them one haiku ago.

He corrected her
order. "Two Gins and tonic."
Soon they would break up.
    -- Amanda Gersh

He looked fat, how fat,
like depressed fat or stressed fat?
Please, not happy fat.
    -- Daphne Uviller

Honorable Mention
We mention these contributors with honor.

The inscription I
wrote him will someday be read
by used book buyers.
    -- Elissa Ball

Dumped me in his blog
Tracked back to his parents' house
Guess it's MySpace now.
    -- Karen Kanter

I dreamed of the day
you would propose; never thought
it would be to her.
    -- amandarin

I love you. You win.
Then I hate you and I lose.
Who made up this game?
    -- Kmeelyon

My girl is famous,
friends tell me. Alas, they're big
fans of "Girls Gone Wild."
    -- Farhad Manjoo

Ouch! She closed the door
To her heart right on my hand.
Now SHE wants closure?
    -- Daniel Westreich
    (Haiku Master 2000!)

Yes, I'm better off.
If I never hear you utter
The phrase "better off."
    -- Asher Hung

Will you realize
when you're deauthorized from
my iTunes account?
    --Asher Hung

So now you like girls?
I should not have taken you
to the Home Depot.
    -- Asher Hung

A knife to the heart...
But wiser now, I won't leave
Fingerprints this time
    -- Cheryl Solimini

Bonus prizes!

Most romantic
Seagulls mate for life
Such wide wild love absolute
I wish upon us
    -- Nicola

Wind turns red her cheeks:
I will open my heart up
As wide as the sky.
    -- Daniel Westreich

Best celebrity reference
Like Tom and Katie
our love is overexposed
and not ultra-sound.
    -- Karen Kanter

Best use of current events
Still sorting wreckage
my heart a disaster zone
where is my FEMA?
    -- Jason Schultz

Most inspirational
Being single's cool
No matter what Hallmark says
Make yourself a card
    -- Marc Sobel

Portrait in perseverance
Damn contest sucks eggs
I enter every year but
I am still single
    -- Ennis

Best Haiku-as-PSA:
It's me again. Click.
Still love you. Click. Please call. Click.
Don't drink and dial.
    -- Debbie Everett-Lane

Best Use of Poetic Apostrophe:
'twood not be enough.
To drown in a whole ocean
of Chunky Monkey.
    -- Asher Hung

The "I wish I knew how to quit haiku" award
Not sure when you changed.
Maybe it was when we saw.
That Brokeback Mountain.
    -- Asher Hung

Crave more 'ku?
Check out the winning poems from three other years:

Haiku 1998 | Haiku 1999 | Haiku 2000


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